Hope
by happysunshine01
Summary: AU. Six years ago, JJ went missing during a case. Years go by without any new leads to find her alive. But a phone call changes everything. Hotch never gave up on JJ and he offers her a life she always wanted to claim. But JJ's brutal past has made it nearly impossible for her to trust anyone. Even the only man she ever loved and knew she could never live without.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is my new story. I recently lost dozens of other stories when my laptop crashed, but I found this story on an external hard drive. It's unfinished but I've been writing a couple of chapters and I thought that it was worth posting.

The prologue is the only part written from anyone's point of view. The rest of the story will be normally written. There will be some flashbacks in this story. If you have any questions you can always ask. Let me know if this is worth continuing.

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

~ Dale Carnegie

* * *

**Prologue**

**Hotch's point of view**

November 5th 2012, Washington DC

Days, weeks, months and years passed by and we had no new hopes of ever finding JJ alive. It had been six years since we last saw our friend and colleague. Every day was harder to get through. Luck was never on our side during the investigation. We stumbled upon new leads multiple times, but they always ended in another dead end. Each day my team was falling apart a little more. I could see it on their faces. God knows I should've done more to keep my team together, but I just couldn't. I know they all tried to keep hope, but it was eating some of them alive. I will never blame them for giving up because I personally know that hope can be the worst thing in the world. It can make you blind.

Jason Gideon was the first one who left the BAU. After the death of his friend, he could no longer keep moving forward. It had been the last straw. He had seen agent after agent die. He left, but vowed he would never give up on JJ. I know he loved her like a daughter and I knew he would do anything he could to get her back.

Emily was the next person to leave. I believe she was hurting the most of us all. She was there when JJ disappeared. The quilt was consuming her and she could no longer function within the BAU. She had changed after JJ disappeared. She spent the next two years wondering what had happened and what she could've done differently. The what-ifs were killing her. But she stayed despite all the heartache. She tried to fight, but one day it was all she could take. I'll remember that day for the rest of my life and I can't blame Emily for leaving after that day. It was two and a half years after JJ's disappearance. I got a call from MPD, saying they found a body matching JJ's description. Emily was with me when I got the call. I told her what was going on. She wanted to be the one to identify JJ, but I didn't want her to bare that kind of responsibility. I was Unit Chief after all. But Emily insisted. She told me: ''Hotch, let me do this. Please!'' Her saddening expression convinced me to let her do it, but it's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. Emily and I decided to do it together. I couldn't let her go in alone. That wouldn't have been fair. The moment the medical examiner lifted the blanket from the body, Emily dropped to the ground. Tears were falling on to the floor while her entire body was shaking violently. It wasn't JJ, but I know that was Emily's breaking point. The thought that JJ was dead, was just too much for her. I took one last look at the body before kneeling down next to Emily. I pulled her into a tight hug, trying to calm her down. There wasn't much I could do for her in that moment. I wished I could've taken away her pain. I knew then that she was done. And she confirmed my suspicions the next day. She was going to back to the Chicago field office. I promised her I would never give up on JJ. She deserved to hear that because it was the truth.

The events that followed only made life harder on everyone. Derek was offered a job in New-York. He decided to take the job offer after a lot of consideration. The BAU reminded him of everything he had lost. I still believe Derek was the one who silently blamed Emily for JJ. Derek was always an honest person and I know he would've never admitted to make a mistake like that. And I believe he forgave Emily, but I know he was never going to forget. I think he still hasn't.

Reid, Garcia and I were the only ones who stayed with the unit. As we went through all the changes to our team, I knew they were barely holding on. Reid had never been the same goofy kid he used to be and Garcia lost all of her unique qualities. I never thought JJ's disappearance would affect them all so much. But seeing them every single day proved me wrong. It showed what an impact the blonde beauty had on all of our lives.

As for me, my life was forever altered the moment I heard Emily's voice over the radio. When I woke up that morning I had no idea what was going to happen. If I had known I would've told JJ how much I loved her. But I was never able to tell her that I did and still do. I was afraid to open up my heart to love again, but now it's the one thing I regret the most. I still see her from time to time. When I walk down a street, I can almost imagine her hand in mine. Her smile haunts my dreams and there are mornings when I wake up, hoping she's in my arms again. Reality is worse than a blow to the face. I realize all at once that I don't know where she is or if she's even alive anymore. But I haven't given up and I never will until the day I die. I don't why haven't given up hope. Maybe it's because I feel like I owe JJ something. Because I do. God, I owe her my life. Our relationship started off as an unexpected fling. My marriage to Haley was falling apart and JJ was there for me. She talked to me after our cases. She gave me a sense of security that I hadn't felt in so long that it almost made me cry. At first we were just friends. But it turned into something more when I accidentally kissed her in my office one day. Well, it wasn't an accident at all. Every part of my body was aching to feel her soft gentle lips against my own. I ached for that too long to let it pass by. In the following months our relationship continued and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was like she was the reason I could breathe again. She gave me my sanity and it completely shocked me. But I wasn't living the dream I wanted. I mean, how could I? I was married. I had responsibilities. And I never thought I would be the person to cheat on my own wife. I hated myself for being that person. But I didn't regret what I found because of it.

I found my other half and my reason to live. There are no words for me to describe JJ. Breathtaking, stunning, pure, graceful, divine are just one of the many. The way she changed me showed me what kind of a person she truly was. She changed so much about me and I don't regret any of the time I spent with her. It's something I'll cherish the rest of my life.

I still dream about the day I get to hold her again. I know I'll never want to let go of her again. I would tell her every single day that I love her. For now I can only keep hoping. Hope is all I have left these days and I'll never let it go until the day I find her.

Little did we know what hell was about to unfold…


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: The response to this story has been great. It means the world to me that people take time to read this. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed or favorited!

And I just wanted to point out that this chapter is a flashback. There will be flashbacks through the entire story.

Special thanks to samcarter1980, jenny crum, OliviaC13, Jotchprossi18, Criminalmindschick221 and WhiteKnight0127!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Vanishing**

September 23rd 2006

It was a rainy day in Portland, Oregon. As JJ looked out the window a chill went down her spine. She had a bad feeling she couldn't shake. But the two strong arms wrapped around her waist made her forget that feeling.

''What's going on babe?'' Hotch asked as he softly kissed her neck. ''You feel tense.'' he added.

In his warm embrace, she listened to his steady breathing, trying to still her racing thoughts. ''How long are we going to keep this up?''

He pulled back and sat down on the edge of the bed. ''What do you mean?''

''You know what I mean, Hotch.'' she said.

''No, I don't.'' he lied.

She whirled toward him with a sigh. ''You don't want to talk about it?'' she asked, waiting for him to answer. But he never did. ''Fine. But I'm sick of this.'' she snapped.

''What's that supposed to mean?''

She turned around angrily. ''This! All of it.'' she said. ''It was all supposed to be over. You already should've left Haley and you still haven't.''

Hotch started to feel defensive. ''Okay,'' he said calmly. ''You know I have Jack to think about, JJ. And I thought you were okay with all of this.''

She threw up her hands in the air. ''Of course I'm not fine with any of this. I never wanted to be in this situation in the first place.'' she tried to explain, but Hotch caught her off before she could begin another sentence.

''Is that what all of this is about? I have responsibilities, JJ. Believe it or not but I just can't walk out.'' he snarled. ''You knew what you were getting into when we started this whole thing.''

''I know, but…''

''But what?''

When she couldn't find the words, she folded her arms and sat down in a chair. But she wasn't comfortable and rose after a single second. She paced up and down the room until she stopped right in front of him. ''But I…I…I,'' she stumbled. ''I didn't expect that I would fall in love with you.'' she admitted bluntly.

He was at a complete loss of words. She loved him. That was the last thing he ever expected to hear from her. ''JJ!'' he warned when he saw the tears in her eyes.

She took a step backwards. ''So what do I mean to you?'' she asked, realizing he wasn't going give her a straight answer. So, she turned around and grabbed her bag on the way out the door.

''JJ! Wait!'' Hotch exclaimed as he followed her. ''Don't leave like this.''

She spun around. ''No, I'm done waiting, Hotch.'' she said sadly. ''You know this is not me. I've been giving up so much of myself just hoping that you would turn around and really notice me. But I miss being me.'' she went on. ''I just can't do this any longer.'' she said before she closed the hotel room door.

* * *

The following evening, the team was sitting around a small table in the conference room. They had just delivered the profile of their unsub. Now they were going through files of people who had histories of abuse. But there were too many of them, so it took the entire team to go through the files. Reid was the only one enjoying their task.

JJ had a file in her hands that fitted their profile exactly. She went over some details one last time. She wanted to be sure before she was announcing it to the team. ''I think I have someone.'' she said, breaking the silence in the room.

Hotch looked up from his file, making eye contact with the blonde. But she adverted her eyes immediately. ''Does he fit the profile?''

''Yes,'' she answered while handing the file to Reid.

''Male. 45.'' he summed up. ''He lost his job about two months ago and his wife just filed for divorce. And he also owns a property in the woods.''

Derek knew JJ was right about this guy. Everything fitted. ''This has to be the guy, Hotch.'' he started. ''He has the means to torture his victims without anyone knowing what he's doing.''

''I'll call Garcia.'' Prentiss said. She took out her phone and dialed the number while it was on speaker.

''_Hello my gorgeous friend.'' _Garcia greeted happily. _''Are you calling about our plans with JJ? Because I thought we could go to…'' _she trailed off.

Emily interrupted her. ''We have a name. We need you to check it out Penelope.''

''_Oh,'' _she said. _''Let me guess I'm on speaker. Thank god you interrupted me, E. We don't want the boys to know what we do outside of work. Right JJ?''_

JJ started blushing when she felt all eyes on her. ''Yes, Pen.'' she answered. ''But what can you tell us about Doug Williams?''

Garcia was typing in the name. The information appeared on her screen within seconds. _''Doug Williams, 45, got fired from his construction job. He hasn't been doing much. His credit card history shows nothing.'' _she said. _''Oh, his wife filed for divorce.''_

''What can you tell us about the properties he owns?'' Hotch asked.

''_He owns a suburban home in the city. And he owns a big patch of land in the woods. From what I can find there is a cabin and two barns on the property.''_

Derek took the phone away from Emily. ''Thanks, baby girl.'' he said with a teasing voice. ''And I just wanted to let you know that I will find out what you girls are up to.''

''_You couldn't handle it!'' _she teased. _''Be safe my great courageous friends. Love you all!''_

Most of the team members were laughing after Garcia hung up. ''Okay,'' Hotch began. ''We'll split up into two teams. I want Reid, Derek and Gideon to take the cabin. Prentiss, JJ and I will take the barns on the property.'' he ordered.

JJ silently rose from her chair. She was about to leave the room with the rest of the team when Hotch held her back. ''I'm sorry,'' was all he could muster in that moment.

''Don't.'' she warned with her back still to him.

''I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Unless…'' he trailed of while JJ turned to him. He saw the tears running down her cheeks, and the fact that she had been crying so silently made him ache.

''Unless what?''

''I honestly don't know, JJ. I do know that I can't stand to hurt you.''

She gave him a sad little smile. ''I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me, Hotch. It's not who you are.'' she agreed softly. ''But I know I need a break from this. Maybe, I'll find someone one day who can give me what I want. I just know that you can't.''

Hotch was about to talk when Emily stormed into the room with JJ's kevlar-vest. ''Oh, sorry.'' she apologized when she felt the tension in the room.

''I should get ready.'' Hotch excused.

Emily handed JJ the vest while her eyes followed Hotch. ''What was that about?'' she asked suspiciously.

JJ shrugged her shoulders, trying to keep herself composed. She didn't want Emily to find out about her and Hotch's ordeal. ''Nothing.'' she lied.

''Okay.'' Emily said with annoyance, reminding herself to ask JJ again after the case was over. She knew something was wrong between her friend and Hotch. She just didn't want to get into it during a case.

''Let's go.'' JJ said.

The drive to the woods was silent. Outside the weather seemed to get worse. It was another half an hour before the team arrived on the land. The team and SWAT silently gathered around the SUV. Hotch took the lead immediately.

''I want one team to take the cabin and the rest of us will check the barns.'' he ordered. ''Morgan you're running point on the cabin.'' he said, waiting for the first strike team to leave.

JJ felt a shiver go down her spine, hearing the howling wind echoing through the large trees. The darkness was taking over her sight. She tried to focus on Hotch's orders, but she could barely focus.

''Prentiss can take one team inside the barn on the eastside. JJ and I will take the other barn.''

JJ stepped in front of Hotch. ''Can I go with Prentiss?'' she asked carefully.

''Sure,'' Hotch answered simply. ''Be careful.'' he said affectionately before she walked away.

JJ pulled out her gun, following Emily into the deep woods. The dark clouds followed them as they slowly moved forward through the woods. The leaves cracked under her boots while they reflected the moonlit sky. The wind seemed to have taken on a life of its own. JJ almost jumped when Emily came up from behind her.

''Are you okay?'' Emily asked with worry.

''Fine.'' she replied. ''I'll take the back.'' she suggested when they reached the barn.

''Are you sure we should split up?'' Emily asked, but JJ was already gone.

As JJ moved to the back of the barn it felt like someone was watching her from a distance. The hairs on the back of her neck told her to move back. But she didn't. They needed to find the unsub. She stopped in front of an old wooden door. The floorboards creaked under her steps as she slowly began to open the door. The barn was pitch black when she stepped inside. She switched on the lights. When she took another step forward, the door slammed shut behind her and the lights went out. She turned around in one spin, breathing heavily and getting more terrified. The moonlight was shinning of metal objects. As she gazed around the barn, a dark silhouette in the mirror caught her attention. She instantly drew her gun, trying to defend herself. But her gaze darkened as a hand silenced her screams, echoing through the dark barn. The person grabbed her from behind, overpowering her. The last thing she felt was a sharp pain going through her body. And then everything went black.

Emily was about to open another door to the barn when she heard JJ's loud screams. She kicked down the door while SWAT followed her inside the barn. The flashlights showed closets' and cupboard, covered in tools and instruments.

''JJ?'' Emily called out as she kept her gun in front of her. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins. She could only hear her heart beating in her chest. ''JJ?'' she called out again, but once again there was no answer.

Emily suddenly stopped when she stepped onto something hard. Pointing the flashlight on the floor, she could see JJ's gun, credentials and vest in a pool of blood. The sight in front of her made her knees go weak. She dropped to the floor as her entire body started to shake.

Hotch and SWAT cleared the barn on the other side of the property. He was on his way toward the other barn when he suddenly heard Emily's trembling voice over the radio.

''_JJ!'' _she called out. _''JJ is gone!''_


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980, dino-dog83, Jotchprossi18, arjemma and Dustyfog416!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 2: The First Step**

November 8th 2012, BAU

Hotch was sitting behind his desk, trying to get through the loads of paperwork he still had to do. They had just returned from a case and the paperwork kept stacking up. He wasn't up for another long night at the office. He closed the file, looking at the picture of his six year old son. Jack was always a good reason to go home. Hotch had Jack for the weekend. He knew Haley was never happy to leave Jack with him. And that made Hotch appreciative of every minute he had with his son.

Hotch was ready to leave the bullpen when he heard Rossi calling out his name. He turned around, sighing in annoyance. ''What's up, Dave?''

''Don't be mad at me.'' Rossi said defensively. ''I got a detective from the Seattle Police Department on the phone for you.''

Hotch stopped in front of Rossi on the catwalk. ''Just tell them to fax over the case file. They'll have a consult by the end of this weekend.'' he said. ''I have to be home in twenty minutes because I have Jack tonight.''

''Aaron!'' Rossi called out when Hotch was turning around to leave again. ''It's about JJ.'' he explained. Rossi had never met JJ. But he had heard from Hotch what happened during a case in Oregon and that it caused his entire team to fall apart. Rossi had seen his friend breaking down when it got to be too much for him. But he had never seen Hotch give up hope.

Hotch froze instantly. There hadn't been any new leads in over a year. ''I'll take the call.'' he mumbled.

Rossi followed Hotch into his own office, waiting for what could possibly be devastating news again. ''I'll stay here.'' Rossi reassured.

''Agent Hotchner.'' Hotch answered simply.

A loud sigh on the other end of the line could be heard. _''Hello, I'm detective Baker with the Seattle Police Department. I have a witness who claims to have seen your missing agent multiple times. I wanted to inform you before I take any actions.''_

''I appreciate that, detective. Where has he seen her?''

It took a while for the detective to answer Hotch's simple question. _''I don't if I should give you any details over the phone. The details are rather hard to hear I have to say, sir.''_

''Just tell me. I can handle it.'' he said, knowing he probably couldn't.

''_The witness told us he is part of a club that auctions off women every single day. He says he bought your agent multiple times over the past four years.'' _

''Thank you, detective. We'll take the next flight out.'' Hotch said kindly before hanging up the phone. He slammed his fist on the desk, scaring the crap out of Rossi. The tears started to escape his eyes.

''Calm down, Aaron.''

Hotch clenched his hands together. ''Don't tell me what to do.'' he whispered. ''Don't ever tell me what to do.''

''What did he tell you?'' Rossi asked carefully.

Hotch straightened himself up as much as he possibly could at that moment. ''The detective believes JJ has been a sex slave.'' he said, summarizing the words of detective. It sounded even worse when he said it himself.

''I'm so sorry.''

''Yeah, so am I.'' Hotch agreed. ''Tell the team that we're leaving in fifteen minutes. I don't want to waste any time.''

Rossi stayed in his office after Hotch stormed out. He was busy dialing the numbers of every single team member, hoping they would pick up. Rossi knew this was going to be the biggest shock for Reid and Garcia.

* * *

The entire team was sitting on the plane while they all questioned why they were called in after they just came home from a case. They all noticed that Hotch had been on edge.

''I'm sorry for the sudden change of plans, but this case is extremely important.'' Hotch began, but Blake interrupted him.

''Sir, isn't every case important?'' she asked.

Garcia and Reid were putting all the pieces together. Hotch's behavior, the urgency and his irritation. ''Is this about her?'' Garcia questioned.

Hotch put a hand on her shoulder before answering. ''Yes.'' he said while both Reid and Garcia gasped in shock. It wasn't that they had forgotten JJ, but it had been a really long time since they had a lead in her disappearance.

''JJ?'' Anderson asked, remembering the blonde liaison he used work with. He used to be JJ's right hand man before she disappeared, but he replaced her. And two years later he was promoted to profiler. It was Garcia who then took over part of his job.

''What kind of lead do we have?'' Reid asked.

''A witness walked into the Seattle Police Station, saying that he had seen JJ multiple times. Detective Baker called me about it. I told him we would be in Seattle as soon as possible. I don't know more than that.'' Hotch replied.

A long silence fell on the plane and everyone was keeping themselves busy. Garcia decided to join Reid on the other side of the plane, where he was sitting all alone.

''Hey,'' she greeted softly as she sat down across from him. ''How are you holding up?''

''I don't think I am.'' he admitted. ''It's been six years since we last saw her. JJ just made me smile. She was…'' he stopped when it got to be too much.

''I know.'' Garcia whispered.

''You know, she is the only one who ever called me Spence. I don't know why but she just did. And I miss that so much.''

''We're going to find her and we'll bring her home.''

''But what if she doesn't want to come home?'' he asked painfully. ''What is she forgot about us?''

Garcia shook her head in disagreement. ''She hasn't, Reid. That's not who she is. She will remember us.''

''How are you?'' he asked, trying to turn the tables. He noticed that Garcia was quite nervous. She had been picking her nails and she couldn't sit still for longer than a minute.

''I'm hanging in there.''

Hotch decided to join Garcia and Reid. He wanted to know how they were holding up. And he just wanted to make sure his friends were alright. The entire situation was far from easy.

''I just wanted to tell you both that I am so proud of you. You both held on for the past six years and that's amazing. No matter what happens today or tomorrow I'll try anything to get her back. I promise.'' Hotch spoke softly.

''Thanks.'' Garcia and Reid said in unison.

* * *

The team arrived at the police station about six hours later. It was the middle of the night and people were running through the crowded station. The entire station was covered in boards with pictures of missing women on them. Hotch instantly recognized a photo of JJ. It was the picture he personally picked when JJ went missing. He had spent attention on the entire process. He made sure every law enforcement agency in the country had her picture. Hotch stopped in front of an older bald man who was telling everyone what to do.

''Detective Baker?'' Hotch asked.

Baker shook Hotch's hand firmly. ''Call me Bruce. And you must be Agent Hotchner.''

''Yes, I am.'' Hotch replied. ''These are SSA's Rossi, Blake, Anderson and Dr. Reid. I also flew in our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia.''

''Can we talk to the witness?'' Hotch asked impatiently as the detective was shaking everyone's hands.

''Sure,'' he started. ''But I couldn't get a location out of him and he barely told me anything. It actually surprised me that he hasn't asked for a lawyer yet.''

The team followed the detective to the interrogation room. The detective stopped in front the door, blocking Hotch in the process.

''I know this case is personal, but I don't want any problems. Get what you need without any violence.'' Baker said kindly before moving away from the door.

Hotch put his hand on the door, taking a deep breath. He wanted to act with a certain detachment. He couldn't show the witness his personal interest in JJ. When he opened the door, he saw a tall man sitting behind the table. His expression was one of concern and worry. He was about the same age as Hotch. Hotch slowly took a seat across from him.

''Hello, sir.'' he started. ''I'm Agent Hotchner with the FBI. What's your name?''

The man shook his head in anger. ''I am not going to tell you. I already told Detective Baker the same thing.''

Hotch leaned backwards, opening the file in his hands. The first thing in the file was a picture of JJ. She had the biggest smile on her face and her eyes were filled with joy of life. ''Do you know this girl?'' he said as he put the picture in front of the disheveled man.

''Yes, that's why I'm here.'' he began. ''I've seen her a lot in the past four years.''

''Where have you seen her?'' Hotch asked impatiently. But there was no answer. ''Where have you seen her?'' he yelled.

He still didn't answer. Hotch was getting sick of it. The guy knew where JJ was. Hotch knew he would stop at nothing to find her, which meant he would hurt anyone who was going to get into his way. He jumped from the chair and pushed the table against the wall behind him. ''Where is she?'' he asked as he pushed the guy against the wall. Hotch put his hands around his neck. ''Where is JJ?'' he yelled louder.

The door to the interrogation room opened quickly. Hotch felt two strong arms pulling him off the man, but he wasn't about to let go.

''Hotch, don't!'' he heard a very familiar voice yell. ''Stop, man!''

When he heard the last phrase he stopped and immediately turned around. Behind him stood Derek in his jeans and t-shirt. He hadn't changed a bit. ''Morgan?''

''Hey.'' Derek greeted, breathing heavily. ''It's good to see you again.''

''How? Why? How?'' Hotch asked.

''Baker called me as well. You weren't the only one who made other people aware of JJ's disappearance. I kept looking for her after I left.''

''I would love to catch up Derek, but I need to kill this guy if he doesn't give me the address.'' Hotch threatened to scare the guy, but he didn't even blink.

''How do you know JJ?'' the man asked.

Derek stepped in front of him. ''I don't think it's your place to ask any questions right now.''

''I want you to help her!'' he yelled. ''Why the hell do you think I came here in the first place?''

The man was only making Hotch angrier than before. ''If you want to help you should give us an address and your name. Do you think it's the first time I'm doing this job?''

''No, I don't.'' he replied. ''It has to be dealt with professionally. The facility where she is being held, has security everywhere. They aren't amateurs.''

Hotch sat down in a chair ready to tell the man that he would never jeopardize JJ's life because he loved her. ''I was JJ's boss. I care about her and I would never want to endanger her life.''

''Okay.'' he said softly. ''She's in an abandoned warehouse in Tacoma. I can write down the address.''

''Thank you.'' Hotch said almost breaking down. He couldn't believe that they finally had a real lead. He could have JJ in his arms again in a couple of hours.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Somehow, I have found inspiration for this story, which means frequent updates. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to Jotchprossi18, Guest and jack!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Salvation**

The team was on their way to the warehouse. The sirens were off because they didn't want to warn anyone about their arrival. Everything had gone by so fast that Reid and Garcia weren't even able to catch up with Derek. They decided to do it after they knew more about the location they were going to. Hotch decided to take as many cops and SWAT agents with them because he wasn't going to let anyone get away. They were too close now. Nothing could stop him. And he knew the team was as dedicated as him, and that gave him a little more hope for what was about to come.

They finally arrived at the parking lot of the warehouse. It was deadly quite outside. No one spoke a word as the teams split up into six groups. Every team member was leading a team into the warehouse. Derek decided to take a team as well, knowing that more people would give a better outcome.

The teams entered the building at the same time. Hotch entered from the back. The room was dark and dirty. He heard voices calling out ''clear'' over the radio. He slowly but thoughtfully led SWAT through the long hallways. At the end was another door, but it was locked. One of the SWAT agents used bolt cutters to get the lock off the door. Hotch slowly opened the door and instantly stopped when he saw the sight in front of him. There were small prison cells on each side of the walls. Some of them were empty and others had girls in them. Hotch was so caught up in the sight that he didn't even notice the gunfire at first. But refocused when he got knocked down to the floor for protection.

''I need all teams at the North end of the warehouse!'' he yelled into the radio. He started shooting at the men who were closing in on his team. He saw that two men were already down. But they were saved when Morgan's team came rushing inside. Hotch was able to get up and the room was finally cleared. Hotch started looking into the small cells, hoping to find JJ. But she wasn't anywhere. He yelled out in anger until he noticed another door. He opened it with his gun drawn, but what he saw there was something he never imagined to see.

He saw her. It was JJ. He just couldn't believe it. Her hands were tied up behind her back and she was gagged. She was sitting in the corner of the room, shielding her body with her knees. Well, what was left of her body. Every inch was covered in dirt, bruises or cuts. Her bones were sticking out. He couldn't fight back the tears he felt welling-up.

He gasped when she finally looked up. ''JJ!'' he whispered. But her eyes weren't the same. She looked terrified. There was no recognition on her part at all. It was as if JJ was gone. He could see all the horror in her eyes. There wasn't an inch he recognized. And seeing her like this tore him apart. It was the last straw. He felt like breaking down in that exact spot but he couldn't do that in front of her. She seemed like a totally different person.

JJ looked up in fear as the tall dark-haired man approached her. He had put his gun at his hip. But he was scaring her. She cringed with every step he took. But when she heard him calling out her name one more time, it all clicked inside her head. That calming voice belonged to the man she once trusted with her life.

''JJ.'' he said softly, kneeling down in front of her. He calmly waited for a response. He knew he had it when a tear ran down her dirty cheek. He slowly removed the tape from her mouth, causing her to cringe even more. He followed by carefully removing the restraints from her wrists. He moved backwards, kneeling down in front of her again. JJ leaped forward, somehow taking the gun from him. She moved back into the corner with the gun in her hands as Hotch stayed kneeled down in front of her, trying not to move. He knew any sudden movements could sent her into a panic. He knew what he couldn't do. But he had no idea what he could do. He had never seen anything like this.

JJ was shocked that she remembered what it felt like to feel cold metal against her hands. To her it seemed like a decade since she last held one. She didn't know what to do. She held on to the gun while she slowly tried to stand up. She had several failed attempts and she saw Hotch cringe every single time she fell down. There was no energy left in her body. Not even an ounce. Everything she once was, was gone. Her whole world ceased to exists and she became a shell of the person she once was. JJ fell to the ground one more time, still holding the gun. She suddenly felt two strong arms, wrapping around her body from behind. She instantly flashed back to the moment when she got abducted. It felt the same. She was overpowered. She couldn't do anything. The panic came out as sobs.

Hotch held onto JJ as her entire body shook of its own volition. He was able to take the gun away from her. He kept her in his arms while he hoped she would calm down and recognize him in any way. Or at least trust him.

''Let me go!'' she finally yelled. She finally found her voice. ''Let me go!''

JJ's screams caused the entire team to race toward the room where Hotch was struggling to keep JJ as calm as possible.

''Oh my god.'' Derek exclaimed when he saw the terrified blonde. ''Get the medics in here now!'' he ordered immediately.

Hotch tried to put as less of a grip on JJ as possible. He didn't want to scare her, but he knew there was no possible way that would happen in that moment. ''JJ, it's just me.'' he whispered, trying to get some of her attention. ''It's Hotch! I'm right here, sweetheart.''

But his words only made the situation worse. Her cries became screams for help. They were like screams for mercy. ''Help! Help! Let go!'' she yelled out.

The medics finally arrived. One of them helped Hotch to keep JJ under control while the other administered an anesthetic to get her to calm down. Stress couldn't be good for her body. Her condition was bad enough without the addition of more stress. Her screams and sobs started to disappear and her body went limp in Hotch's arms. He picked JJ up and held her entire body, carrying her out of the warehouse while cops and agents watched from the sidelines. It felt like he was carrying Jack. Her body was so light it actually scared him. But her weight wasn't the only thing that scared him. JJ's condition was worse than he could've ever imagined. He had thought about every single scenario, but he never thought it could get as bad as this one. JJ was always a strong person and he believed she could get through anything. But he wasn't so sure anymore.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980, Jotchprossi18, jenny crum, arjemma, Criminalmindschick221, Violette702 and guest!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Reunion**

Emily raced through the never ending hallways of the hospital in Seattle. She had gotten a call from Derek about five hours earlier when she was in a meeting. She kept his number in her contacts and when she saw the caller-id, she knew something big had happened. They hadn't been in contact since she left for the Chicago Field Office. Hearing that they had a lead on JJ caused her to jump out of the most important meeting of her career, but she didn't care. Her missing friend was far more important than any job she could get. She just couldn't believe that this was happening. When she got the call from Derek to come to the hospital, she knew JJ had to be alive. She was relieved about that, but she just didn't know what her condition was.

As she raced around the corner, she almost slipped. She froze when she saw the team standing closely together in the dimly lit hallway. They hadn't changed a bit. They only one missing was Gideon. Their facial expression told her more than enough. Hotch looked the worst of them all. She couldn't have expected anything different. Hotch was the one who kept the investigation going when there seemed to be no possible way of finding JJ. Lead after lead turned into a dead end.

''Hey,'' she greeted, approaching the small group of people who used to be her family.

Everyone turned around. Hotch couldn't help but smile at the sight of the brunette.

''Emily!'' Hotch called out emotionally. He shook her hand and guided her back to the team.

Garcia immediately pulled her into a tight hug. ''Oh my god, E!'' she exclaimed, crying on Emily's shoulder. ''I'm so glad you're here. I don't think I can do this without you.''

''I missed you!'' Emily whispered, pulling away from Garcia. She turned to Reid, who seemed to be shaking. ''Reid, come here.'' she said, pulling him into a hug.

Derek was the last person she was going to greet, but he didn't seem to open about it. Emily knew Derek always blamed her for JJ's disappearance. ''Thanks for calling me.'' was all she could come up with.

''Your welcome.'' Derek mumbled.

Emily returned her gaze to Hotch. ''What the hell happened?''

''We should talk in private.'' he suggested sadly. His mind kept repeating JJ's cries for help. It broke him. He followed Emily into a waiting room, where they both sat down.

''How have you been?'' he finally asked. Her expression was still filled with regret and sorrow, just like three and a half years ago.

''I've been better.'' she confessed, trying to keep her tears at bay. ''I still think about that day, Hotch. I still feel guilty. I don't know why, but I just do.''

Hotch grabbed her hand. ''What happened could've happened to any of us. There was nothing you could've possibly done to prevent this from happening.''

''Do you really believe that?''

''I think I do.''

Emily smiled sadly. ''That doesn't sound convincing.'' she said. ''So, how is she?''

He leaned forward while putting his elbows on his knees. His head turned to Emily. ''I honestly don't know.'' he began. ''When I found her, she was too far gone to even recognize me. She had to be sedated to keep her calm enough for transport to the hospital.''

''So, you don't know what happened to her?'' she asked hoarsely, hoping he wasn't going to confirm her suspicions.

He sighed deeply. ''I think I have a pretty good idea, but we won't know until the doctors have examined her.''

''Just be honest with me!'' she pleaded.

''It's not good, Emily.'' he started. It wasn't good at all, and he knew it. ''Every inch of her body is covered in bruises or cuts. Her arms and legs are covered in restraint marks. Her neck has choke marks.'' he summed up, stumbling through the sentences.

''Did you make any arrests?''

''Yeah,'' he replied. ''We were able to make five arrests on the scene. Members of my team and the detectives are trying to find witnesses. They are also questioning the other girls who were found.''

''Agent Hotchner?'' a doctor called out.

Hotch rose instantly. ''Yes,'' he answered.

''I'm Dr. Phell. I was present during Jennifer's examination.'' he explained. ''Is her family present?''

Hotch shook his head, remembering the day he told JJ's parents about her disappearance. It was one of the worst thing he had ever done. ''No, they wanted nothing to do with the investigation anymore. I haven't called them because they asked me to leave them alone.'' he explained. ''But her friends and my team is here. She has enough people who can help her.''

''I don't think it's is necessary for everyone to hear the details about JJ's condition.'' the doctor suggested kindly. ''I think it's best if you inform you team later on. Right now, someone needs to make decisions regarding JJ and there's no one here who can legally do that.'' he began. ''I'm sorry agent, but I had a nurse call JJ's parents.''

''You what?'' Emily interrupted, stepping next to Hotch.

''It's fine, Emily. I'll talk to them.'' Hotch said calmly. He turned back to the doctor. ''What can you tell us about JJ?''

''I suggest you sit down.'' the doctor hinted sadly. He could see Hotch cared about his patient. It was something he had never seen in his entire career. ''It's not good.'' he started off. ''We had to keep her sedated in order to do tests. She was uncontrollable when the sedation started to wear off.''

''Please get to the point.'' Hotch pleaded, his voice shaking. He held onto Emily's hand tightly. It was the only comfort he had in that moment.

''Of course.'' he agreed. ''I am going to do a nephrectomy to remove the damaged tissue from on one of her kidney's. The MRI showed several internal bleedings, which doctors are working on as we speak.''

''She is in surgery.'' Emily said rhetorically. She couldn't believe any of it. ''What caused the internal bleeding?'' she asked, knowing the answer already but she needed confirmation.

''Jennifer has been severely beaten over the past years. The bleedings we found are the result of recent abuse.'' he answered. ''We also did a rape kit. It showed signs sexual abuse. We believe the sexual abuse has been constant. We found too much scar tissue for it to be one time abuse. We also found multiple semen samples, which were sent to the forensic lab as evidence.''

Hotch felt a lump forming in his throat. She had gone through hell for six years. His anger wasn't showing anymore. Instead, a tear ran down his cheek. The woman he loved was broken into tiny pieces. He knew he was going to need revenge on the people who did it to her. ''What's going to happen during surgery?''

''We are going to remove as much scar tissue as we can and we'll stop the bleedings. Her parents told me to do what was necessary.'' the doctor replied.

''Thank you.'' Emily said. The doctor left the waiting room. Emily turned to Hotch, who had his head in his hands. ''I'm sorry, Hotch. I'm so sorry.''

''Why did she have to go through so much?'' he asked with tears in his eyes. He never cried, but it was all too much for him. ''It's not fair.''

Emily had never seen him cry before. She had always known Hotch as an cold and distant person, who never let anyone in. But she knew JJ pulled out another side he had buried deep down inside of him. ''She'll get through this, Aaron.'' Emily promised. ''You just have to be there for her and love her like you have in the past six years.''

He looked up in shock. ''You knew? All this time?''

''I started to figure it out the day she went missing. I interrupted a conversation and the tension was there.'' she said. ''And over the years I could see how fierce and loyal your love for her is. I've never seen anything like it, Aaron. It will survive. You just can't give up when you've come so far.''

''I won't. I won't.'' he promised her and himself.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980, Jotchprossi18 and Criminalmindschick221!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 5: Breaking apart**

September 24th 2006

Hotch stepped from the SUV. His clothes were covered in dirt. His head was aching and he knew there wouldn't be any pill that could help him lose the pain he felt. They had searched the woods for twelve hours without taking a break. JJ was gone. The only things left were her gun, credentials and vest. And of course a pool of blood that belonged to JJ. The ME informed Hotch that she could've survived the amount of blood loss, but he couldn't be sure. He couldn't believe this was actually happening to him and his team. They were always careful. They were trained for these kind of situations. But somehow even the training wasn't enough. Emily and JJ split up, which was the worst mistake that could've been made. He could still hear Emily's voice over the radio in his head. It was burned into his mind. He wasn't going to forget this. How could he? He loved JJ. He just never told her that. And now it could be too late. She could be dead. But he reminded himself to have hope. He was going to find her, no matter what the cost would be.

He walked into the small station immediately noticing JJ's parents sitting in the captain's office. Hotch called them himself, telling them they needed to fly to Portland as quickly as possible. He just forgot to mention the part that JJ was missing and that they had no idea what happened to her. He gathered all the courage he could find within him. He softly opened the door to the office. The Jareau's immediately jumped from their seats.

''Hello,'' Hotch greeted. ''I'm Agent Hotchner. I'm your daughter's boss.''

''We know. JJ talks about you a lot.'' Sandy Jareau said. ''I'm Sandy. This is my husband Bill.''

''What's going on?'' Bill asked, getting right to the point.

Hotch sighed deeply because he knew what this news could do to her parents. ''About twelve hours ago JJ went missing.'' Hotch started to explain, but he was cut off.

''How did it happen?'' Bill asked, fearing the worst for his daughter instantly.

''We identified an unsub yesterday and we went to his home to arrest him. The team split up and that's when we lost track of JJ.'' he began. ''Agent Prentiss found her gun, credentials and vest in a pool of blood that belongs to JJ.''

Sandy flew into the arms of her husband. ''No! No!'' she cried out. ''This can't be happening again. Not JJ.''

Hotch wished that he could tell them how much he loved JJ and that they would do anything to bring her home, but professionalism was more important. ''What do you mean with again?''

Bill held his wife tightly as she sobbed into his shirt. ''Our oldest daughter, Rachel, disappeared when she was seventeen. JJ was eleven at the time.'' he started. ''The police found her in the woods a week later. She committed suicide.''

Hotch choked up. JJ never told him. Not once. ''I'm so sorry.'' he apologized with a heavy heart. He couldn't even imagine something happening to Jack. ''JJ never told me. If I'm honest, she barely talked about her past.''

''JJ has always been a private person when it's about Rachel. She doesn't like to talk about it. She changed a lot after her sister's death.'' Sandy said. ''It was like she was another person in one second. But after she went to college we saw that she was returning to her old self again. The joy was back in her eyes.''

''But what are you doing to find our daughter?''

''We have been searching the woods for the last twelve hours. Cops and agents are still searching as we speak. I also sent JJ's picture to every police station in the state. There's also and APB out. And I'm holding a press conference in two hours.'' he explained, knowing nothing would ever be enough for them until they knew that JJ was safe. ''I promise that I'll do anything to get JJ back safely. I won't ever give up on her.''

''Thank you.'' Sandy murmured.

''She got you hooked, didn't she?'' Bill asked, noticing how dedicated Hotch was.

Hotch wasn't going to avoid that question. He wanted to be honest. ''Your daughter is amazing, sir.'' Hotch began while trying to keep his emotions in check. ''She does her job with so much grace. I've never seen anyone with so much talent and she's only twenty-four. She has been with us for little over a year and she has exceeded all my expectations.'' he said proudly.

''She has always been an extraordinary girl.''

Hotch's phone suddenly started ringing. He rose from his chair while picking up the phone. ''Hotchner.'' he answered.

''_Hotch it's me.'' _Derek said painfully. _''You need to come down here right now. We found something.''_

''What is it, Morgan?''

''_You got to see it for yourself.''_

''I'll be there as soon as possible.'' he promised before hanging up the phone. He turned towards Sandy and Bill. ''There's a possible lead. I have to go.''

''Of course.'' Bill said while Sandy Jareau nodded with an expression filled with horror.

* * *

Hotch was racing through traffic. He hated not knowing what Derek had found. He never liked surprises and right now it was the worst time for surprises. He parked the SUV at the side of the road, which was filled with other cars, belonging to law enforcement. Almost every officer in the State was on scene. Not only because an FBI agent was missing, but also because Doug Williamson hadn't been arrested yet. He had killed fifteen women and the team suspected he was the one who took JJ. There couldn't be any other scenario's.

Hotch walked past the tape, showing his credentials. He saw multiple officers gathered around in a circle. On the ground he noticed something white. He had no idea what was going on, but his heart was racing a mile a minute. He stopped next to Morgan. His eyes took in what was on the ground. He recognized JJ's white t-shirt and dark blue skinny jeans. The white t-shirt was covered in blood. A few feet away from her clothes, were tire tracks from the car that was used to get away.

''Hotch, we also found a tape. It was folded into her clothes.'' Derek announced.

Hotch looked up at Derek. ''I want this evidence bagged and sent to Quantico for analysis.'' he ordered. ''Have you seen the tape?''

''No, I wanted to wait until you got here.'' Derek answered. ''It's probably a way to taunt us. But do you actually believe Doug Williams is behind this?''

''I don't know.'' Hotch said, walking back to the car. ''Let's go to the station and watch this.''

''Sure,'' Derek agreed. ''Oh, I sent Emily back to the hotel. She was barely holding on.''

Hotch knew no one was holding on any longer. It had only been hours and it had been hell. He had no idea how much more was going to happen.

* * *

Back at the station Hotch and Derek rushed into an empty office to watch the tape. They decided to watch it together before, showing it to the team. They had no idea what was on it and the images could be bad. Derek impatiently pushed the play button on the remote. The first few seconds the screen was black, but they could hear a whisper in the background.

Hotch knew the whispers belonged to JJ. He just couldn't hear what she was saying. ''I can't even hear it.'' he said to Derek who turned up the volume.

And then the screen showed JJ, tied up in the back of a van. She was only wearing her bra and panties. Blood was seeping from a gaping wound on her side. Her face was pale and it looked like the life was drained from her body.

''Oh my god.'' Hotch mumbled, clenching his fists.

The video ended after thirty seconds of footage. ''Get this to Garcia!'' Hotch ordered. ''I want her to isolate the audio.''

''Hotch, do you think she should see this?'' Derek asked with confusion.

''She is the best, Morgan. So I guess you know the answer.'' he replied before leaving the office. He was barely holding it together. He stepped inside the men's room. He locked the door behind him and started slamming his fist into the door. He couldn't believe that this was happening to JJ. It felt like he was already at his breaking point.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980, jenny crum and Jotchprossi18!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Family drama's**

November 9th 2012

The team, Emily and Derek had been waiting in the hospital for five hours while JJ was in surgery. Hotch still didn't tell the exact details about JJ's condition and what had happened to her. He wanted to prolong it, but he knew he couldn't keep it from the team. If they were going to work the case, he knew they needed to know the details.

Hotch rose from the uncomfortable chair with his arms folded. ''I think I should explain to everyone what's going on.'' he began. As his eyes took in the people who he cared about more than anything. The team was his family. And of course Jack. Emily already knew what was going on. Rossi didn't know JJ, but he had gotten to know her through Hotch and he had helped with the investigation. He was the one with fresh eyes when Emily left. Blake replaced Derek a couple of months later. She also knew nothing about JJ, but she supported the team in their search and promised to help out wherever she could. Anderson wasn't present in the hospital. Hotch sent him to the station to keep an eye on the investigation while the others waited for news about JJ. ''As you all know the doctors are still operating as we speak. One of them informed me and Emily on JJ's condition a few hours ago.'' he said. He was about go on when his phone started ringing. It was the worst moment for a phone call, but he saw it was Haley.

''I'll take over.'' Rossi reassured. Hotch had told him the details earlier. He needed to vent his frustrations and Rossi was the perfect person for that.

Hotch picked up the phone as he walked away from the group. He stepped back into the empty waiting room. ''Hotchner.'' he said.

''_Aaron, where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick. You weren't at your place yesterday. Jack has been asking about you non-stop.''_

''Haley! Please calm down!'' he said loudly when she didn't stop rambling. ''I got called away for a case. I've been too busy to check my messages or calls. I'm sorry.''

''_So, you choose work over your own son. What the hell could be so important?''_

Hotch was used to Haley blaming him about his work and never being there for his own son. It was one the reasons his marriage fell apart. But it wasn't until JJ went missing that things became even worse. ''I wouldn't never do that. But we found JJ yesterday.''

''_JJ? The girl who worked for you. Wasn't she the one who disappeared? The agent you had your affair with?''_

''Yes, it's her.''

Haley had gotten over the affair Hotch had. She knew Hotch would never look at her the same way as he looked at JJ. And over time Haley moved on. She even got married again and this time she was truly happy. _''I hope everything is okay, Aaron. I'll explain to Jack what's going on. Take all the time you need. Good luck!''_

''Thank you!''

Hotch hung up the phone. He slowly walked back to the team. Reid was staring at the floor. Garcia had tears in her eyes as she was in Rossi's embrace. Blake's face was filled with horror and shock. He had never seen that much emotion on her face. Hotch didn't see Emily and Derek. He figured they were probably talking somewhere. And he knew that couldn't be any good. They never got along after JJ vanished. He tried to mend their relationship but neither of them were willing to do so.

* * *

Emily was running away after Rossi had informed the team. She couldn't watch them fall apart. She still felt guilty for everything that happened. She was there when JJ disappeared. She should've had her back, but she didn't.

''Emily, can we talk for a second?'' Derek asked, following her through the hospital. ''Emily, just stop!''

She turned around fiercely with tears in her eyes. ''Stop?'' she asked. ''So you can blame me again? So you can tell me how much I screwed up?''

''Yeah, I blame you.'' he said angrily. ''Never leave a man behind!''

She took a step forward. She felt the anger boiling on the inside. She didn't need anyone else to blame her when she did it to herself every single day. ''I never left her behind, Morgan! Never!'' she started. ''JJ decided to split up and she was gone before I could stop her.''

''So this is her fault?''

''No! Of course not!'' she snarled. ''This is no one's fault. None of us knew what was going to happen that day. And I am not going to stand by and let you tear me apart again!'' she yelled.

Derek felt angrier than he ever had before. JJ had gone through hell and it all could've been avoided if Emily had done her job. ''She was raped Emily!'' he yelled back. ''Not once. Not twice. God knows how many times!''

''Do you think I don't know that?'' she cried out. ''You think it was easy for me? Do you really believe that I just moved on?''

''I didn't say that.'' he started. ''I just wanted to know how you are when you got all defensive on me.''

''Are you kidding me?'' she asked. ''I'm far from okay, Morgan. JJ's disappearance took over my life. And I have been blaming myself every second and if that's not enough for you than I don't know what more you could possibly want.''

Hotch heard them fighting. He thought they could talk about it like normal adults. But the conversation seemed to get out of hand. He approached them with anger. This wasn't the time or place for the two of them to have this discussion.

''Stop it!'' he ordered. ''Stop acting like children. JJ is in the hospital for god sake's. She's going to need all of us when she's ready. But you can only fight about who should blame who.''

''Hotch, we were…'' Derek tried to say but Hotch held his hand. Derek knew he didn't want to head any excuse.

''No, don't say anything!'' he ordered. ''It's time for you to stop blaming Emily for JJ's disappearance. It was never her fault in the first place.'' he croaked out, knowing he was the one who let JJ go off with Emily.

''What do you mean?'' Emily asked.

''At first I wanted JJ to come along with me, but she wanted to go with you because we had a fight that day.'' he explained. Emily knew what he was talking about but Derek didn't. The team never knew about his affair with JJ because he knew it could lead to irreversible consequences. ''I let her.''

Derek saw something he had never seen his life. The expression on Hotch's face was so heartbreaking. Not once had he seen that in his former boss. Sure, Hotch could show emotions, but he was mostly stoic. ''What did you two fight about?''

Hotch realized everyone would find out the truth sooner or later. If it wasn't from him, he knew JJ would definitely tell them. She could barely hold their secret when the affair actually started. ''JJ and I were in a relationship.'' he admitted.

It didn't surprise Emily, but Derek gasped in shock. ''You what?'' he asked loudly.

''I'm sorry about never telling and of you, but it needed to stay private.''

''Private?'' he said outraged. ''Even after her disappearance? Her disappearance could've been linked to your relationship. It can still be linked! Not only because you're twelve years older than JJ, but also because you had a wife.''

''Are you actually accusing me, Morgan?''

He shrugged his shoulders, preparing to do whatever it took to defend the blonde. ''Yeah, I am.'' he replied. ''You could've been the one who risked her life because you couldn't keep it in your pants!''

Emily stepped between the two agents, trying to keep them at distance from another. She knew this had to be a shock for Derek, but he was out of line. She thought the emotions were probably just stacking up. ''That's not fair, Derek!''

''Don't tell me anything about fairness, Emily.'' he began, trying to calm down. ''I think you should talk to JJ about what's fair or not.'' he went on, beginning to choke up. ''That girl in there has only been through hell. Six years of it. If anything isn't fair, it's what happened to JJ.'' he said before storming away.

''He's barely holding on.'' Emily commented as she turned to Hotch. ''What about you?''

''I think none of us are holding on. I mean, how could we?'' he asked. ''And Derek is right I should've been honest six years ago. I only made life harder on JJ and she never deserved any of it.''

''Did she love you?''

''Yes,'' he said, remembering that shocking moment. ''She did.''

''Than she didn't regret it. JJ was smart enough to look out for herself. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't have stayed in a relationship with you.'' Emily said to comfort Hotch, hoping it would work.

Rossi was walking in their direction. ''The doctor just told us that she is out of surgery.'' he stated firmly.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum, samcarter1980, dino-dog83, guest, guest, Lexis4Morganprentiss and Jotchprossi18!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 7: Unknown Chemistry**

February 15th 2006

The bullpen was completely empty when JJ walked in. She thought most of the team members were going to be there. She needed several consults from them. The pressure of her job was really getting to her. It was like she had no time left for herself. But somehow, she loved her job. It was who she was. It meant the world to her. And it was even better that the team had become like a family. There were as close as a group could possibly get.

As always the lights in Hotch's office were still on. She saw him leaned over his desk. He had been uptight all day. She knew it probably had something to do with Haley. JJ and Hotch had become close. They could talk to one another without any expectations. It was a real friendship and she treasured it more than anything. But deep down she knew, she had a crush on her older boss. There was nothing about him, she didn't like. Except the fact that he was married and he was about to have a baby in a few months. She wanted to see him happy, but she knew he wasn't most of the times.

She had decided to talk to him. She slowly opened the door to his office. Hotch immediately looked up. He gave her a big smile and her heart melted at the sight of his dimples. ''Hi.'' she greeted happily.

''Hey, JJ.'' he said, rising from his chair. ''What are you still doing here?''

''I guess the same as you.''

''Go home, JJ.'' he suggested. She looked exhausted. ''You look tired.''

She dropped to his leather couch. ''I am. I love this job. I really do, Hotch.'' she started. ''But sometimes it takes over my life and I realize that a job shouldn't be the most important thing. But to me it is.''

''I know what you mean.'' he agreed. ''But I also know that you don't want to wake up one day, realizing it's all you have. Life is about more than a job, JJ.''

''What are you saying to me?''

He sat down next to her. ''I am married, but my marriage is slowly falling apart and I have a baby on the way. I know I'll love the baby with my whole heart. But I regret not being home more often. I know my marriage wouldn't have been falling apart if I would've been there for Haley.''

''You're trying. You can't do more, Hotch.''

Hotch decided to change the subject. He wanted to talk about something other than his messed-up life. ''Are you having relationship trouble?''

JJ grabbed a glass and the scotch from the coffee table. She poured some into the glass. She leaned back in the couch with the glass in her hand. ''You know I'm single.'' she said. She took a zip while Hotch just stared at her.

''Just testing you!'' he teased.

''Sure you were.'' she joked. ''I'm not the best at relationships either. I'm twenty-three and I have only had one serious relationship in my entire life. The rest of my time, I dedicated to this job and college.''

''Well, it wasn't for nothing.'' he began. ''You did so well in the academy, you even got my attention.'' he admitted. ''At first I thought a rookie could never do your job, but you've exceeded all my expectations, JJ.''

''That means a lot coming from you.'' she said, surprised after what he had said.

''It's true. You didn't mess up your life in any way. You should be proud of yourself.''

She sighed deeply before speaking. She handed him the glass of scotch. She leaned forward with her head in her hands. ''I don't know if I can. Maybe I should be proud of myself. But there are so many things I wish would've gone differently.'' she said emotionally, thinking about her sister. Only her family knew. She never told anyone else. It was too hard to talk about or even think about. ''I've always seen the good in people. I just feel like I underestimate people.''

''That's a good thing, JJ.'' he said softly. He saw a tear escape her eye. ''What's going on?''

''Nothing.'' she lied as she wiped away the tear. She had never felt so comfortable in her entire life. He made her open up.

''Come here.'' he said while he leaned forward to take her in his embrace. One arm went around her back while he had his hand in her hair. It was so soft. As he held her, he silently smelled her hair. She smelled like heaven.

JJ pulled away when she felt sparks ignite within her. She couldn't be doing this. He was her boss after all. ''This is silly.'' she murmured.

''JJ.'' he whispered. His hand was slowly tracing from her knee up her leg, all the way to her waist. He held it there while a spark went through his entire body.

JJ jumped up from the couch, getting away from his confusing touch. He could make her do anything. And the sexual tension didn't make it any easier. She needed to leave. But the feel of his hand on her wrist stopped her from leaving. Instead, she turned around, looking into his darkened eyes.

He put one hand on her hip while the other was in her soft blonde hair. He slowly leaned forward, closing the distance between them. And then his lips brushed against hers so gently. It felt like heaven. And when she responded he deepened the kiss with more passion. He ran his tongue across the bottom of her lip and she opened her mouth. Their tongues began to explore their mouths as he backed her up against the wall. He covered her body with his own, pressing her against the wall.

JJ's entire world seemed to fade away. It was that thing, that moment she had been looking for. She knew this was it. It was everything she always wanted a first kiss to be. He was rough and demanding and at the same gentle and sensual. She knew he wanted more, but she didn't know if he would regret this when they stopped.

His entire body was on a high he had never felt before. It didn't feel wrong when it really was. He never wanted to let this moment pass by, knowing it would. And that they would go back to being Jennifer Jareau and Aaron Hotchner. Subordinate and boss. Agents for the FBI. But he wasn't going to stop until she wanted to. Their hands were running all over each other's bodies. He carefully lifted her shirt over her head. It fell to the ground.

JJ finally decided to pull away from him when she was standing, half-naked in his office. She quickly grabbed the shirt and put it back on. ''What does this mean?'' she asked bluntly.

''I think you already know.'' he said with a serious face. ''You know JJ.''

''No, I don't.'' she said. ''I don't know.''

A silence fell. Hotch kept staring at JJ as she had her eyes on the floor. She was already avoiding him. But it wasn't for long before she returned his gaze. ''All I know is that you're my best friend. I don't want to lose you because of something stupid.''

''This is far from stupid, JJ.''

''You're my boss!'' she stated.

''So?''

''You're married!'' she added.

''You're having a baby!'' she added as well.

''Okay, stop!'' he said. ''I know all of that. But why does this feel so good?''

JJ stepped backwards. Distance would be the best thing. She knew she couldn't keep her hands off of him if he was to close. ''I don't know.''

''I guess you don't know anything.'' he said bluntly. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but this situation was uncomfortable for him as well. ''I'm sorry. This isn't easy for me.''

''Maybe we should forget this even happened.''

''I don't want to forget.''

She turned around, storming out of his office. She couldn't do it. It wasn't right. She had always hated the women who had affairs with other men, and now she was becoming one of those girls. Falling for a man who was strictly off limits to her.

She got to her office and quickly put on her coat. She grabbed her bag on the way out, but the door was blocked by Hotch. She could've expected it. He probably wasn't letting her go until they talked about it. He was like that.

''Let me go!'' she pleaded. But he only stepped closer. ''I can't be that girl, Hotch. I can't…I can't.'' she whispered.

He trapped JJ between her desk and his arms. ''I'm not asking you to be that girl.'' he whispered against the column of her neck. He felt her shiver under his touch.

It was that exact moment that JJ gave in. She let her guard down, trusting him with her heart. She trusted him. ''Don't hurt me, okay?''

''Never.'' he replied. He pulled her closer by the belt on her coat. He slowly unbuttoned her coat and let it slip of her shoulders and onto the ground. He leaned in and captured her lips afterwards. It was a fight for dominance. But it was so right.

As the night went on they realized how real their feelings actually were. It wasn't a one night stand. It was the promise of a better future. But as JJ lay naked in the arms of the man she was falling in love with, she knew there were obstacles. And she didn't know if they could ever overcome those. But in that moment she learned to be happy with the moment because she was in the arms of someone who showed her what real love could be like. And that was all she needed to fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum, samcarter1980, Jayda Jareau-Hotchner, Jotchprossi18, crimindsnicolle and Criminalmindschick221!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 8: Conscious**

November 9th 2012

Hotch was up instantly when Rossi started talking. The three of them went back to join the rest of the team where the doctor was talking to them. It looked like reasonably good news. The team wasn't crying, so that was a plus.

''Surgery was a success. She will probably wake up in a few hours. We don't know how she will respond, so we only want one person in the room with her because we don't want to scare her.'' the doctor explained to everyone. ''It's best to sent someone who she trusted and who she talked to on a regular basis.''

Garcia, Reid, Derek and Emily all looked at Hotch, knowing he was that person. They all knew Hotch and JJ were close friends. Plus, they spent most of their time together at work. JJ provided the new cases and she went over those with Hotch. It wasn't that weird that they were closer than most of the team members.

''I'll go.'' he agreed.

''Good luck.'' Garcia whispered softly as she stood next to Derek. It felt good to have her friend back, but she also felt angry. When the team lost JJ, they lost Emily and Derek later on and she didn't like it when they left.

''Are you okay, princes?'' he asked, noticing Garcia's expression. ''How are you feeling?

Garcia turned around to face him. ''I'm disappointed Derek. That's how I feel.'' she answered simply. ''Why didn't you call? It's been two years since I last heard anything of you. God, it has been three years since I saw you last.''

''Penelope,'' he said but Garcia caught him off.

''Don't Penelope me!'' she murmured. ''Do you have any idea how much I missed my hot stuff?''

''I missed you too, baby girl.'' he said as he hugged her tightly. He held her in his embrace not wanting to let go. He never wanted to cause more pain when he left the unit. But now he realized he probably did.

* * *

Hotch followed the doctor into a private room. The door opened slowly and he walked inside. He immediately caught the sight of JJ. The dirt from her skin had been removed, but it didn't make a big difference. Her pace was pale. It still shocked him. He could finally take a good look at her. She wasn't in a dark room. He could see scars on her arms. The restraint marks on her wrists made him sick. There were multiple indentations of restraints. Just like the marks on her neck. It sickened him and he wished he could kill the person who did this to her. He had no idea who did this and he knew it would probably be best if he never would know. He still couldn't believe that the tiny person was actually JJ.

He finally sat down when he was standing next to the bed. He was so close to her. Even though she didn't look the same, he knew the person he loved was still there. He loved JJ no matter what happened to her. ''JJ!'' he whispered softly, taking her hand. He softly stroked it. Her hand was warm and it made him feel emotional. He hadn't touched that hand in six years. It sounded ridiculous in his own head that the single touch of a hand could make him cry. But he had cried more in the past six years than he ever had in his entire life. Normally he wasn't someone who showed emotion. But this situation was so different and he knew it.

''I'm so sorry, JJ. I'm sorry about everything.'' he started. He hoped that she could somehow hear him, but he knew that chance was really small. ''I missed the conversations we used to have, I missed to hear your voice, but most of all I just missed you!''

''I love you, JJ! I never stopped loving you!'' he said while a tear ran down his face.

Hotch stayed by her bedside for the next few hours. He never let go of her hand. He was reliving moments he spent with JJ. He tried to remind himself of the happier, times. But he stopped when he heard a groan coming from the blonde.

''JJ?'' he called out while he rose from the chair.

JJ felt a heaviness in her whole body. She couldn't see or hear anything. It was like she couldn't remember how to open her eyes. Where was she? What happened? Her mind was racing, and suddenly she heard whispers coming from her side. Quiet talking. She stayed still, trying to hear what the person was saying. The next thing she knew, she felt a hand on her arm. It caused her to open her eyes instantly. A bright glow was taking over her sight, but when her eyes finally adjusted, she saw a human form hovering over her. And then she heard her name again. ''Where am I?'' was all she could get through her throat.

''You're in the hospital.'' he answered softly while he saw a nurse walking into the room. He kept a reasonable amount of distance between himself and JJ. He didn't want to scare her away again.

She looked around as she kept an eye on Hotch at the same time. She saw he barely moved, but her heart was racing. Was it really him? Was it the man she loved once? Before she went through hell for god knows how long. She looked again trying to figure out if she wasn't dreaming. She had been dreaming to be saved for years. ''Hotch?'' she croaked out as the tears streamed down her cheeks when she realized it had to be real.

''It's me, JJ.'' he whispered as he took a step forward. ''I'm right here. I promise!''

The tears didn't stop. She tried to sit up in the hospital bed, but the pain in her body stopped her from moving. ''It's really you.''

''Yeah,'' he closed the distance when he saw JJ relaxing for a bit. ''How are you feeling?''

''Don't come closer. Please!'' she begged softly. ''I need to get out of here.'' she mumbled as she tried to take of the tubes connected to her body, but she was too weak.

Hotch watched as JJ struggled with herself. He didn't know what to do. His thoughts were racing. What the hell could he do? What did she need? He decided to walk closer. When he was at her side, he leaned down pulling her to him in a tight embrace. Her entire body was shaking in his arms.

''Let me go! Let me go!'' she cried out.

''JJ, it's just me. I am not going to hurt you.'' he whispered. ''I'll never hurt you.''

Minutes past by before JJ finally started to calm down. His touch and warmth was comforting in a familiar way. But she didn't know if she could trust him. ''Where were you?'' she asked, crying into his dress shirt. The stains were already visible. ''Where were you?'' she repeated.

Hotch stepped back with tears in his eyes. How could he ever make up what happened to her? How could ever explain anything to her? There was no way he could possibly justify the past six years. ''I never stopped looking for you. Not once, JJ. I kept looking for six years. I never gave up. I tried everything.''

She didn't say anything. She only listened as she tried to stay calm. She was terrified. He finally sat down in the chair. ''I know this hard, but I need to know what happened to you, JJ. We need to get the people who did this…''

''No!'' she croaked out. ''I can't. I can't. I can't.'' she kept repeating.

''Shhh,'' he said, realizing how stupid his remark was. ''I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.''

''How did you find me?''

''A witness came forward. The bastard said he was worried about your safety.''

''Charlie came forward?''

''Charlie?'' Hotch questioned with shock. ''Tall man? Brown hair? Early forties?''

''Yeah,'' JJ answered simply.

Hotch immediately picked up his phone and texted detective Baker and Anderson the name of the man they had in custody, hoping they could find out more about JJ's past. After that a long silence fell. JJ looked to the other side while Hotch kept staring at her. Something was really off about her. Her eyes were cold and distant. It was like her emotions were turned off. He had expected her to act the same as in the warehouse. But he knew this could all be a defense mechanism. After what she had been through it was absolutely normal.

''I've missed you a lot, JJ. The thought of never seeing you again nearly killed me.'' he admitted boldly, breaking the tense silence.

His words caused her heart to beat even faster. Those were words she wanted to hear years ago. She didn't want to hear them when she was so broken on the in and outside. She couldn't give him anything anymore. She wasn't the same at all. ''I can't be that person for you. Not now. Not ever!''

''JJ, but I…'' he started but she cut him off. She still sounded weak.

''I don't want to know. I can't deal with anything right now.''

''Of course.'' Hotch said in agreement while his heart broke. He wanted to tell her he loved her. That he had loved her for so long. But he respected her decision. He had no right to give her more problems. So, he sat back. He noticed that JJ closed her eyes and for a moment he tried to imagine that she wasn't so damaged and different. He wished he could go back six years and change everything.


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

This is the first chapter where JJ will see one other team member. I promise that the others will be present in the following chapters.

Special thanks to jenny crum, Jotchprossi18, dino-dog83, arjemma, guest, Jayda Jareau-Hotchner and Twilightangell!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 9: A way out**

November 10th 2012

Hotch had stayed beside JJ's bedside all night. He hadn't closed his eyes for a single second. He could only keep wondering what was going to happen next. He had no idea how JJ was going to recover or where she was going to go. He preferred her to stay with him, but that was probably the last thing she would consider after everything that happened to her. They needed to talk to the doctor first because he hadn't said anything about it.

Hotch rose from his chair when the door opened softly. Rossi stepped inside, signaling Hotch to come outside. Hotch followed him into the hallway where he immediately saw JJ's parents standing. His anger showed on his face when he stepped towards them.

''Hello.'' he greeted as politely as possible.

''Agent Hotchner.'' Sandy responded kindly. ''How are you?''

''Excuse us.'' Hotch said to his team. He turned to the Jareau's. ''We should talk somewhere in private.''

''Of course.'' Bill agreed.

Hotch took JJ's parents into the already familiar waiting room. He kept standing while JJ's parents both took a seat in the chairs.

''How is she?'' Sandy asked.

Hotch looked at her. She looked a lot older than the last time he had seen her. ''I don't know.''

''How can you not know?'' Bill asked angrily.

Hotch finally sat down. He didn't know how to talk to these people. The last time he had seen them was about five years ago. He informed them about another lead when they told him to stop calling them. They said they had given up hope and they couldn't deal with it anymore. They just gave up on their daughter. And he just couldn't believe how they could possibly do that. ''I don't know. And I don't think you have the right to know anymore.''

''I know you're mad at us.'' Bill said defensively. ''But every single time you called us, we thought JJ was coming back. But every time that didn't happen. Do you have any idea what it feels like?''

''Yes I do!'' Hotch answered.

''No, you have no idea what it's like. No idea!'' Bill said angrily. ''Our children were taken from us!''

Hotch knew they Bill had every right to be mad. But that comment was unfair to everyone who loved JJ. ''I know that. What happened to you is not fair.'' he started. ''But JJ wasn't just taken from you. She was taken from me. She was taken from the team.'' he went on. ''Do you have any idea how my team has been doing for the past six years?''

''What are you talking about?'' Sandy asked.

''Emily Prentiss, JJ's best friend, spent the past six years of her life blaming herself for what happened to JJ. But she was there through all the new leads. She was there when we needed to identity bodies. After two and a half years of looking for her friend, she moved away because she couldn't stand more heartache. But she was there every single day! She was with us when we searched the woods. She never gave up!'' he explained angrily. ''And then there's the rest of my team. They all wanted to give up, but they never did. Not once! So, don't ever underestimate what these people have been going through for the past six years when you decided to walk away! You don't get to tell me or them how it feels because they never gave up when you did. You walked away after a year! You gave up on JJ after one year! How could you?''

''We didn't want to! But the calls and the new leads were tearing us apart. We needed to shield ourselves from it all. And I hope you can find a place in your heart to forgive us.'' Bill said, realizing that he made a big mistake five years ago.

''You don't need my forgiveness. You need JJ's forgiveness.''

''Is she awake?'' Sandy asked carefully. She wanted to see her daughter. She wanted to hug her and tell her how much she loved her.

''She's probably still asleep, but she was awake last night.'' Hotch replied. ''But she's not doing so good.''

''What happened to her?'' Bill asked as he took his wife's hand in his. They hang on to each other for live, hoping the news wasn't going to be bad. But Hotch's expression was one of horror and defeat.

''I don't know much. JJ didn't want to talk about it, so we don't know many details. But the doctor found evidence of rape and abuse.''

Hotch watched as Bill and Sandy broke down in tears. Sandy was in a panic at first when the words came out of his mouth, but it turned into cries. Bill held her as he fought his own tears while trying to console his wife in the process.

''I'm so sorry the news wasn't better. But I promise that I'll do anything to bring down the people who did this. They won't get away and the police is already working on it.''

Hotch stayed with them while JJ's parents took in his words. But Hotch knew there was no way it was ever going to make sense to them. Their own daughter had been hurt in the worst way possible and there was no cure for it. There was no way to instantly heal JJ from her past.

Hotch was pulled from his chair when Emily walked into the waiting room. Hotch rose and walked halfway to meet Emily.

''Hey.'' he greeted sincerely, noticing the pain on her face. It never left and he wondered how long it would take for it to ever leave. ''What's going on?''

''JJ is awake again. The doctor just told us. They tried to examine her, but she fought them off. Dr. Phell thinks it is best if someone she knows goes in to calm her down.''

''Can we see her?'' Bill asked.

''Please.'' Sandy pleaded.

''It's not my choice.'' Hotch said simply. ''But I'll go with you.''

The three of them walked to JJ's room. Hotch stopped before they all stepped inside. He wanted to warn JJ's parents about her condition and distant behavior. They needed to be prepared as much as they possibly could. It would give them less of a shock.

''JJ's body is covered in bruises, cuts and scars. It's best to not look at them with shock because she can become self-aware. She probably already is, but it's the best way to reconnect with her. There's also a chance that she will behave cold and distant. So, don't be shocked when that happens.''

As Sandy and Bill listened to Hotch, they just couldn't believe it. Reconnect? That wasn't fair to any of them. They had to be careful in order to see their daughter. They didn't even know if they could hold their own family.

''Okay.'' they said in unison.

Hotch finally opened the door. He immediately saw that JJ was shivering and shaking. Her eyes were big and filled with fear again. The calmness he had seen before was gone.

''JJ, there are some people here to see you.'' Hotch stated softly. He opened the door further, showing her parents.

JJ felt her heart race as she looked at Hotch opening the door. She suddenly saw her mother and father. The tears were in their eyes as they looked at her. She felt so ashamed. She felt dirty and like she didn't deserve to live. She wanted to shield herself from everyone in the room, but there was nothing she could possibly do.

''JJ?'' Sandy called out, stepping next to the bed. She didn't recognize the woman in the bed. She didn't look like JJ. She was nothing like the bubbly personality JJ had. Nothing like it and it scared her.

''JJ?'' Bill asked, putting his hand on JJ's shoulder without realizing what he just did.

JJ backed away immediately. But her reaction wasn't just backing away. Her body started shaking even more.

Bill only wanted to comfort his daughter. So, he touched her shoulder again and this time the reaction from JJ was explosive.

JJ leaped from the bed and duck away in the corner of the room. She could still feel the touch as a burning sensation in her body. It scared her more than anything that she was so scared of her own father. But she was so terrified. She didn't feel safe anywhere.

Hotch couldn't watch the situation unfold. It was a huge mistake to bring JJ's parents into her room. It only worsened JJ's panic. He turned to her parents. ''I'll take care of her. It's best if you two leave. She's too scared right now.'' he explained quickly while he still had his back turned to JJ.

''JJ, don't!'' Sandy yelled out at once. ''Don't!'' she pleaded.

Hotch turned around to JJ. She had a scalpel in her hand. She was about to cut her left wrist. ''JJ, don't do it!'' Hotch yelled as he ran towards her.

The yelling caused Emily to run into the room as well. She saw Hotch standing a few feet away from JJ while she had scalpel on her wrist. ''You two need to get out of here.'' Emily ordered as she pushed JJ's parents backwards. Their cries and yells weren't going to help this situation. When Emily was in the hallway she saw Derek running around the corner. Apparently, everyone had heard the loud screams coming from the room.

''What's going on?'' he called out.

''JJ has a knife.'' she replied, trying to keep JJ's parents away from the door.

As everything went down, Hotch was kneeled down in front of JJ, trying to talk her down. It was the second time this was happening. He couldn't stand to see her so scared. It tore him apart.

''JJ!'' he pleaded. ''Drop it.''

JJ's hands were shaking and she just couldn't stop it. She didn't want to live. She wanted to be free from all the pain and suffering. She wanted it all to just end. But as she looked into Hotch's eyes she just couldn't. Something stopped her. She had to try. She couldn't just give up. But she couldn't let go off the knife. She kept it pointed at her wrist.

''JJ, don't!'' Derek called down as he sat down next to Hotch. ''I got it!'' he said to Hotch.

Hotch wasn't about to leave, but he moved a few feet backwards to let Derek try. He watched as Derek sat down on the ground.

''Derek?'' JJ asked softly. It was really him. The guy who was like a brother to her. The person who always protected her.

''It's me, baby girl.'' he said as his heart was breaking. She looked so bad. He just still couldn't believe what he was seeing. He partially knew what JJ was going through. He had experienced abuse in his childhood.

''I know what you're going through, JJ.'' Derek began. ''It happened to me when I was still a kid. And for years I thought about hurting myself because I felt so ashamed.'' he said, pointing at JJ's wrist. ''The shame and hurt was too much and it tore me apart.''

JJ let the scalpel slip as Derek's words were getting to her. What he described was exactly how she felt. She never thought Derek would've been a victim like her. There were probably many differences, but she just couldn't believe it. ''I'm sorry!'' she cried out.

''It's okay.'' Derek whispered, handing the scalpel to Hotch who looked at him with disbelief in his eyes. Derek gave him a nod. It was an apology and a token of his appreciation. ''I never let him beat me, JJ. I never gave him that satisfaction.'' he explained. ''I want to make the people pay who hurt you. They need to be put in prison, but we need your help. I promise you that no one will ever hurt you again. I promise!''

JJ nodded her head slowly. ''Okay.'' she whispered.

Derek let out a sigh in relief. He did it. He talked her down. He couldn't believe that it all just happened. It seemed like a nightmare he needed to wake up from. The past six years had been a big nightmare for everyone.

Hotch watched from the doorway as Derek helped JJ up from the floor and put her back into the bed. He knew they still had a long way to go filled with struggles and this was just a beginning. But they were patiently reconnecting with JJ and that was the most important thing for now.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

This is the first chapter where JJ will see one other team member. I promise that the others will be present in the following chapters.

Special thanks to samcarter1980, , Jotchprossi18, jenny crum and Twilightangell!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 10: Vulnerability**

February 27th 2006, JJ's apartment

JJ had been awake the entire evening. Hotch had fallen asleep after their long night of passion. JJ had never felt so complete in her life. But there were so many things she was afraid of losing. The warm arms wrapped around her naked body, made her feel alive. It was something she never dreamed of feeling. And now that she had it, she couldn't think of letting it go.

She carefully and silently slipped out of the bed. She grabbed Hotch's light blue dress shirt and put it on. She slowly made her way into the kitchen where she sat down on the counter. She let her thoughts race, hoping she would find a way to calm herself down from the excitement and worry. She looked up from the ground when she heard the floorboards creek, realizing Hotch was probably awake as well. She stayed on the counter.

Hotch walked into the small kitchen, where he saw JJ sitting on the counter. She was only wearing his dress shirt. He thought she looked extremely hot in his shirt. He wanted to say something, but the look on her face kept him quiet. She looked saddened. It was an expression he never saw on JJ. She was the most joyful person he had ever met. She went through life with a positive attitude and he always admired that about her.

''What's going on?'' he asked as he stood still in front of her.

JJ wrapped her arms tightly around her body. ''What are we doing?''

''I don't know. I really don't know, JJ.'' he began. ''But I do know that what we have feels so right. And I really care about you.''

''I care about you to,'' she tried to say, but Hotch caught her off before she could even speak.

''Then what's the problem?''

''I…I…feel like a slut.''

''JJ, that's not true.''

''It isn't?'' she asked. ''Then what am I, Hotch?''

Hotch shook his head as he held JJ by her waist. Her legs went around his body and he pulled her close. ''I wish I wasn't married. I wish I would've met you earlier.'' he started. ''JJ, I know that this situation is hard and I'm not asking you to do this. If you want to stop, I'll walk away. I would because I care about you too much.''

Her heart was torn in that moment. What in hell was she supposed to do? How could she choose? Here, was this sexy man who respected and appreciated her. But he would never really be hers like she wanted him to be. Her difficulties caused her to stay quiet.

Hotch took it as a sign for him to leave. He was about to turn around when JJ had a hold on his shoulder.

''Wait! Don't go! I can't be without you.'' she admitted bluntly. ''I don't know what I would do.''

''Okay. I'll stay.'' he promised as he pulled her closer. Her head rested on his shoulder. Hotch leaned closer towards her ear. ''Did I tell you look really good in my shirt?'' he whispered with anticipation.

JJ stayed in his embrace while a laugh escaped her mouth. He could make her laugh with the most stupid comments. ''Sorry,'' she apologized, pulling away.

''What's so funny?''

''It just sounded so bad.'' she began. ''Like you were trying too much to be badass.''

''I am badass!'' he contradicted.

JJ shook her head in disagreement. ''You only look badass with a gun in your hand, but when it comes to romance you're not so badass.'' she laughed out. ''You're good at the romance!'' she said quickly when she saw the expression on his face change.

''But I can be badass!''

''You're a sweetheart, really! But there's a difference between sweet and badass.''

''I'll show you badass.'' he said while he lifted JJ up from the floor.

A scream escaped her throat. ''What are you doing?''

Hotch held onto her tightly as he walked through the small apartment. He made his way to bedroom. He carefully dropped JJ to the bed and hovered over her. ''I am going to show you how badass I can be, honey. You just hold on.''

''I'll try!'' she said, leaning upwards to kiss him.

* * *

JJ was laying next to Hotch. Their chests were heaving from all the excitement. And the sweat on their bodies was proof of their activities. It was a night full of excitement, just like all the others they had spent with one another. Their relationship was still fresh, but it was as if they had known each other for years.

''So? Badass?'' he questioned, rolling over to JJ's side.

JJ turned around to face him. ''I think so.'' she teased. ''Kind of.''

''Oh, you're just teasing me.'' he noticed. ''If I wasn't so tired I would show you more, but I'm exhausted.''

''Am I too much for you?''

''Yeah, I think so.'' he joked. He was about to speak when his phone started ringing. He quickly picked it up from the nightstand. His expression turned instantly when he saw that Haley was calling him.

''Is it Haley?'' she asked in a whisper when he picked up the phone. The nod told her more than enough. She climbed off the bed and decided to take a quick shower. She didn't need to hear the conversation. She didn't want it to ruin the bliss she was feeling in that moment.

''Hotchner.'' he answered simply.

''_Hey, it's me.'' _Haley said softly on the other end of the line. _''I was wondering when you were coming home. It's past twelve.''_

''I'll be home in thirty minutes, honey. I promise.''

''_Where are you?''_

''I'm still at the office. A couple of new cases came in that we needed to look through.''

''_We?''_

Hotch choked up suddenly. He said we. How stupid was he? He felt like punching himself for his answer. ''Me and Agent Jareau. She is the liaison I told you about, remember?''

''_Yeah, I remember. Just come home. I miss you and you've been gone all day.''_

''I'm on my way. See you soon!'' he said before hanging up.

He put the phone down on the nightstand. He suddenly realized that JJ was gone and the sound of the shower let him know where she was. He rose from the bed and quickly pulled up his slacks. It took him a couple of seconds to put on all his clothes. At last, he put his suit jacket on and straightened himself up.

''JJ?'' he called out, walking into the bathroom.

JJ was wrapping a towel around herself when Hotch appeared in front of her. ''You have to go, don't you?''

''I do. I'm sorry.''

''It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow.''

Hotch stepped forward, brushing his lips against hers. It was still a feeling he never wanted to forget. Their kisses were filled with so much passion that it still shocked him.

JJ pulled away before they both became to heated again. It was a big problem for them. Their tension quickly got out of hand.

''Bye.'' he whispered, removing his hand from her cheek.

* * *

JJ suddenly felt so alone after he left. It had only been a week and a half since she and Hotch got together and she already missed him most of the time. She slipped into her shorts and tank top before she went into the living room. She dropped down on the couch with a glass of her favorite wine. It was her just her way to relax. Somehow, she slowly drifted off on the couch. But the ringing of her phone woke her up after forty minutes of sleep. She opened her phone and smiled when she read the text from Hotch.

_From: Aaron Hotchner_

_JJ,_

_I sent you this text to remind you that I am thinking about you. Sleep well, sweetheart! I'll see you tomorrow._

JJ giggled in the process. She felt like a lovesick teenager. And in that exact moment she realized she was already falling in love with him. That feeling was supposed to feel good, but everything inside her told her to just enjoy what she had and to not go down the road toward love. She couldn't afford to put her heart on the line like that. She knew there could never be a good outcome.


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980, , Jotchprossi18, jenny crum and Twilightangell!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 11: Familiar faces**

November 10th 2012

Everything around JJ was fogy. Her vision was extremely burry and it was as if she was dreaming. She tried to move her hands, but something kept her from moving. Her eyes wouldn't open and the panic was like a jolt through her body. It felt like she was tied up. Being tied up wasn't exactly the best situation for her. It only reminded her of the bad times. Of everything that was taken from her. And that was the last thing she ever wanted to think about. But she wasn't in that bad place anymore. Somehow, she just still didn't feel safe. She would probably never feel safe. Who she once was, disappeared. She couldn't be that person anymore after everything she had seen and experienced in the past six years.

JJ looked up when the door to the room opened. She realized she wasn't tied up at all and that it must have been her imagination. She saw Emily, Garcia, Reid, Derek and Hotch coming through the door. She saw that Garcia clung to Derek. They hadn't changed much. But their expressions were filled with sadness and that scared her a lot.

''Hi.'' JJ croaked out. She didn't know what to say.

Garcia immediately broke down in tears at the sight of her friend in the hospital bed. She realized JJ's condition was bad, but seeing her made it all too real. She was so small in the big bed. And her blue eyes were so different. Something was gone and she just couldn't help but cry. ''JJ!'' Garcia exclaimed. She was the only one who carefully approached the blonde.

''Pen!'' JJ sighed deeply, crying softly. It was her. It was her family. Everyone was around her and she just couldn't believe it. It was real. The moment she had waited for, for six years. And it was six years too long.

Garcia didn't rethink to be careful. She ran towards JJ and hugged her tightly while JJ cried as they hugged. ''Oh JJ. I missed you so much.'' Garcia whispered. ''So much.''

JJ listened to Garcia as she stayed in her embrace. She suddenly made eye contact with her favorite genius. He returned her gaze and he waved at her. JJ couldn't help but smile. She was around the people she loved, but something inside her was still so broken. She didn't feel like herself. Not remotely and she wondered if she ever would be herself.

''Spence!'' JJ finally said after Garcia pulled away and made room for someone else to get to their friend.

Reid stepped forward, feeling awkward. He didn't know how to act or what to say. He was just glad that they had JJ back and the heartache was over. ''It's so good to see you again. I missed you so much.'' he said emotionally, taking her hand in his. He squeezed it softly, reassuring her that he was there. Trying to let her know she was safe and nothing bad could happen to her.

Hotch felt his heart skip a beat as he watched how easily the team interacted with JJ. It was good that she didn't panic with them in the room. It meant that a part of her was still there. But he still couldn't believe how tiny she looked. How much she had actually changed. He never believed JJ could lose her joy in life. It was like her lifeline and it cheered him up whenever they were together. And in the end it was what kept them together through his marriage. ''She's doing good.'' he whispered to Derek, who was standing next to him.

Derek turned to Hotch with a small smile on his face. ''Yeah, she is.'' he agreed, feeling like he was home again.

JJ knew they were talking about her, but she tried to ignore it. Instead she focused on the other team members. She had said hello to everyone except her black-haired friend. And then there was Emily. The last face she had seen before she disappeared. Her body was shaking slightly. She made no eye contact with JJ at all.

Emily had her gaze on the ground. She didn't want to see the damage that had been done to her friend because of her. No matter what she told herself, she would always blame herself. Nothing could or would ever change that. She was responsible. And it that moment she realized that JJ deserved her acknowledgement more than anything. ''Hey.'' Emily murmured, stepping forward to the bed. She stopped at her bedside. She finally made eye contact with the blonde. It shocked her. The marks on her body were everywhere. It was like there wasn't a spot without them. ''I'm so sorry!'' she apologized with tears in her eyes. ''I'm sorry.'' she repeated.

''It's not your fault.'' JJ whispered, hoping Emily would listen. It was typical for Emily to blame herself. She had expected her to do that, but JJ split up herself. It wasn't Emily's decision.

''It is.''

JJ shook her head in disagreement. ''No, it's not. I decided to split up without waiting for your permission. I went on my own.''

''I should've followed you, JJ.''

Derek interrupted before anyone could say anything. ''We'll give you two some privacy.''

''Thank you.'' Emily said as she watched the team leave the room. She turned around to JJ after the door closed. ''I don't how to start…'' she said but she stopped when she had no words left. She had no idea what she should say. This wasn't a everyday conversation.

''You don't even have to, Emily.'' JJ whispered as she sat up. She could still feel a sharp pain going through her entire body. There was no energy within her, she just wanted to be her best for the team.

''I'm so glad that we finally found you. It's been hell without you.''

''Was Hotch that bad of a boss?'' JJ asked curiously.

Emily wished she could answer that question but she couldn't. She didn't work for the BAU. ''I don't work for Hotch. I work at the Chicago Field Office, actually.''

''Oh, your old post.''

Emily was about to answer when Hotch stormed into the room. His expression was one of fear and concern. His eyes radiated a calmness that always made JJ feel comfortable.

''I just got a call from Anderson.'' he started. ''He interviewed some other girls and he realized we haven't arrested person behind this whole thing.'' he explained to Emily and finally turned around to JJ. ''I need information, JJ. I'm sorry, but it's the only way we can catch these people.''

''I'll leave you two alone.'' Emily said softly. ''I'll come back.'' she promised to JJ.

JJ felt like she could finally breathe when Emily left. She didn't need to act like she felt so great, but Hotch was still there. It would never work to act around him. He knew JJ too well. He had always been able to look right through her.

''Was it too much?'' he asked as he sat down in the chair at her side.

''I'm just so scared.'' she confessed. ''When my father touched me, I instantly flashed back to…'' she stopped there. She couldn't talk to Hotch about what happened to her. She never wanted him to know. ''Is there someone on your team I can talk to?''

''Are you sure that's what you really want?''

''Yes.'' she replied. ''I need to talk to someone who doesn't know me personally.''

Hotch thought she would request someone else. It was probably best for JJ, but he wanted to be there for her. She was going to relive what were probably the worst moments of her life and he wanted to be there. He felt like it was his duty.


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to A reader, Jotchprossi18 and jenny crum!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Bombshell**

Rossi prepared himself to go into the room. Hotch had requested him for the interview with JJ. He knew exactly why. They were good friends and trusted one another. Rossi wished he didn't have to do this. Somehow, he was personally involved with JJ as well. He had seen Hotch breaking down over JJ. Everything he heard about the blonde made him realize she was a really good person. He had seen Hotch struggling for six years. He had seen everyone struggling. He joined the unit a few months after JJ's disappearance. Taking Gideon's place wasn't easy at all, but it was like coming home for him. He just never expected to step into a broken family. He never experienced people who were so close on the job. It was really rare for their jobs. But it was a good thing.

Rossi turned around one more time. He looked at Hotch and he got a nod from him, but the hurt in his eyes said enough. Rossi slowly put his hand on the door knob and he opened the door. He saw JJ's eyes flash immediately. Her eyes were filled with distrust and she had every reason to look at him like that.

Rossi approached the bed and stopped next to the chair. ''Hello Jennifer.'' he greeted. ''I'm agent Rossi.'' he introduced.

''You can call me JJ.'' she said hoarsely, recognizing the familiar face in front of her. ''I know you. I've read all of your books.''

''Really?'' he asked with surprise. ''I sometimes wonder if I wrote them for serial killers to use them. I experienced a few cases where the unsub told me how fascinating my books are and it freaks me out.''

JJ was quite shocked with him. He actually seemed like a nice person. And he was easy to talk to. ''My senior year at Georgetown, I was graduating and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.'' she began. ''And one day I was in the campus bookstore and you where there. Promoting your second book?'' she said, noticing the change in his eyes. He looked quite emotional.

''I didn't know.''

''I asked you what you were most proud of. And you showed me a picture of a boy from Charleston.''

''Greg Roberts. A neighbor took him.''

''Yeah, I remember. You're the reason I joined the FBI. The pride in your expression when you talked about helping people, won me over. I applied to the academy after I read your book.''

''I'm glad some people see them as motivators.'' Rossi began. ''How are you feeling?'' he asked, beginning the conversation they needed to have. He immediately knew JJ was a caring person. She was easy to talk to and she was nice. Not to mention breathtakingly beautiful. Even though she was injured. It wasn't a surprise that Hotch had fallen for her. He could see everything Hotch had talked about in their conversations.

''Can I ask you something before we start?''

''Of course.''

''Don't say anything to Hotch, please.''

''What do you mean?''

JJ sighed deeply before answering that question, knowing that Rossi knew what this was about. ''I know him. He asked you to do this because you two are friends and I respect that, but…I…'' she stumbled.

''What is it?''

''He doesn't need to everything. I have the right to privacy. I'm only doing this because people need to pay for their actions. There's no other reason.''

Rossi agreed. She was right. She had every right to her privacy and he wasn't about to invade more than he had to already. ''I won't say anything to him, but we both know him. There's a one hundred percent chance that he will ask Penelope to dig up your statement. And I know that Penelope will listen to him.''

''I know, but thank you.'' she said kindly.

Rossi finally sat down in the chair. He had a notebook in his hand with a pen in the other. He was prepared to do this, but he didn't want to make JJ relive her nightmares. ''Tell me if you want to stop, okay?''

''I will.'' she reassured.

''Can you tell me what happened in the warehouse? What kind of business did they run in there?'' he asked, knowing most of the details. He had heard them from Anderson over the phone, but he also needed to hear them from JJ one more time.

JJ was already choking up before they even started. How could she possibly talk about all of this? What happened in there? Well, my life was taken from me there! The thoughts kept racing through her head. She cleared her throat. ''They auctioned of girls to clients. The auctions only took place during the week. Never in the weekends.'' she answered.

''What kind of clients? Where they different every single day?''

''Some girls had regulars and others didn't. It was different all the time.''

''What about you? Did you have any regulars?'' he asked carefully. He didn't want to sound clinical.

JJ closed her eyes and a tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away before responding. ''Yes.'' she answered simply.

''Do you remember any names?''

''I only had one regular.'' she replied. ''It was Charlie.''

''Is this him?'' Rossi asked, showing her a picture of the man who had showed up with information on JJ. He was the one who initially saved her by coming forward.

''That's Charlie.'' she confirmed, looking at the picture.

''One of our agents already talked to him.'' he began. ''Charlie claims that he never hurt you in any way. But he also said he saw you every single day during the week for four years.'' he explained. He didn't believe what Charlie claimed. It was impossible. ''What did he do to you?''

''Charlie never did anything to me. If anything he's the one person who kept me sane in the past six years.''

''Are you saying he didn't pay to be with you?''

JJ shook her head. So much happened. She knew she could never explain everything. ''Yes, he did but he never hurt me.'' she explained patiently. ''He was the first person who paid for time with me. That first time we just talked. And he kept coming back after that, but it stopped after four years. One day he just didn't show up and he never came back again.''

''So, you are telling me that Charlie paid for your time every single day, but he never had sex with you?''

''Yes, during the week. He never had sex with me. He never forced me to do anything and I don't know why.''

''Okay,'' Rossi stated firmly. ''What happened on the weekends?''

Another tear fell from JJ's face. The weekends were hell. They were the nightmares and of course the last two years. ''In the weekend there were private sessions.'' she croaked out. ''I was the only one who had to do something on the weekends.''

''What happened?'' he asked with a compassionate tone in his voice. He could see JJ was closing up. He had finally hit the subject where most of her pain was hidden.

''I was his favorite girl from the start!'' she replied. ''I was special. That's what he said every single time.''

''Who?''

''The guy who was in charge of everything. I was his pet. His personal toy. He always got jealous when someone else would touch me.''

''What's his name?''

''Steven Hicks.'' she cried out as a shiver went down her spine. She couldn't stop it. The name terrorized her, and it always would.

''Do you want to stop?''

''No,'' she began. ''I want to finish this.''

''Okay. What did this guy do to you?''

JJ clenched her hands together. Was she really going to admit it? Was she going to be called a victim? Could she even say the word?

''He raped me repeatedly.'' she whispered. ''Constantly. Over and over again.''

''I know this is hard, but the doctor found multiple semen samples when you were examined. When were you raped by other men?''

''It started after Charlie left. So, it started about two years ago. At first it were his friends and later on I was sold to strange men.'' she cried out, remembering the hurt. It was like every ounce of pain suddenly struck her body and the panic was back.

Rossi knew this was the moment to stop. He knew some major details and he knew a name of the person who was in charge. For now, it was more than enough.

''I think it's enough for now. You did good, JJ.'' he said softly as he rose from the chair. ''Do you want me to stay?''

''No, I just need to be alone right now.''

Rossi walked out as he heard her sobs from behind him. He knew she was acting very brave, but it still got to him. He closed the door behind and he noticed that Hotch was immediately focused on him.

''How did it go?'' Hotch asked curiously as he stood in front of his friend.

''She was brave.'' Rossi started. ''She wants to be alone for now.'' he explained. ''JJ confirmed Charlie's statement. Everything he said is true. And she also gave me the name of person who was in charge. His name is Steven Hicks.''

''Thanks, Dave.''

''Of course.''

''Emily, Reid and Garcia went to the station to help with the investigation. Derek promised to stick around and keep an eye on JJ while they're gone. I want to go to the station as well to find this bastard.'' he said angrily.

''I understand. I will stay here to.''

''Thanks.'' Hotch said as he turned around to leave the hospital. He had a name. He knew who hurt JJ. On the inside he wanted to kill this person, but that wasn't the right thing to do. Revenge was never a solution.


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be home all weekend so I won't be able to update. I hope you guys can wait a couple of days.

Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to Jotchprossi18, Twilightangell and jenny crum!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 13: Bad places**

November 2nd 2006

Hotch parked his car in the driveway. He was dreading what he was about to do. But it was all he could do. His marriage to Haley had been falling apart before JJ ever went missing. And now it was time to end it and tell the truth. It had been a little over a month since JJ went missing and the team was ordered by Strauss to come back home because there were no new leads. The detectives promised Hotch to keep the case alive while his team had to take on new cases without their friend's presence. The weight in his heart became heavier every single day. It was tearing him apart. He had been lying to two women in his life. To one about loving her when he actually didn't. And to JJ, he lied about what he wanted with her. He felt like a screw-up.

He finally opened the door to his modest family home. He noticed Haley in the kitchen. She was making dinner, knowing Hotch would be home for the first time in a month. He had practically been living in Portland since JJ went missing.

''Hey,'' he greeted to get her attention.

Haley looked up from the counter. Her husband was finally home and she still couldn't help the nagging feeling. His face was filled with exhaustion. He looked broken in every meaning of the word. ''Hi, honey.'' she greeted affectionately. When they were younger their love had been passionate, but she hadn't felt that in a long time. He didn't look at her the same as he used to. Deep down Haley knew their marriage was over a long time, but she tried to keep it going for their son.

''We need to talk.'' Hotch announced firmly. His voice was cold and distant.

''Sure,'' Haley agreed as she followed him into the living room.

Hotch sat down on the couch when Haley took a seat across from him. ''Do you remember JJ?''

''Yeah, I met her when I came to your office with Jack. Isn't she the agent who went missing?''

Hotch shook his head. ''Yes, that's her.'' he replied. ''But there's something else I need to tell you…'' he tried to say but Haley held up her hand, stopping him to go further.

She knew. She had her suspicions for a very long time. Especially after she met JJ. She was gorgeous and Hotch looked at her with so much admiration. ''Please, don't!'' she begged.

''I'm sorry, Haley. It just happened.''

Haley rose from her chair, her eyes watery and blurry. ''Don't try to explain! And don't even try to make any excuses!'' she said angrily. ''We have a son, Aaron.''

''I know. I never wanted to be the husband to have an affair. Never.''

''How could you?''

The answer was actually pretty simple. ''I fell in love with her.''

''What did I do wrong?''

Hotch didn't know an answer to that question. Something had gone wrong a long time ago. ''It's not you, Haley.'' he replied. ''If I look back on our relationship I know I've never been myself with you and that's not your fault. But I can't keep doing this.''

''You want a divorce? What did JJ say to you?''

He remembered his last real conversation with JJ by heart. The pain in her voice. The tears on her face. The questions in her blue eyes. He could still replay that day. It was the day he failed as unit chief and…he didn't know. What was he to JJ? He had never known. ''It has nothing to do with her. She was right about me. I never took enough time to actually acknowledge how much she means to me and now she's gone.''

''Which means we can give our marriage another shot.'' Haley hinted as she sat down next to Hotch. She took his hands in hers, looking him in the eye.

''I just told you I had an affair, Haley.'' he stated angrily, getting off the couch. ''I'm not in love with you anymore. I fell for someone else and I am sorry but I am not going to stay with you just because JJ is gone.''

''Fine. Just go!'' she yelled.

''I'll be staying at a hotel. I will come by tomorrow to see Jack.'' he said before leaving the house. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, but another one was still there and it was the worst one.

* * *

Hotch sat in the empty bar. He needed a place to unwind. It hadn't been an easy month. Everything was falling apart. Gideon just left and a new spot opened up in the BAU. Luckily, Hotch was able to convince David Rossi to join the unit. He was an old friend and Hotch knew he would be best to replace Gideon.

''Aaron Hotchner!'' Rossi called out as he walked into the bar where his longtime friend was hanging out. ''Your phone call was the last thing I expected.''

Hotch turned around the moment Rossi had walked into the bar. ''Hey, Dave.'' he greeted.

''Wow, you look…exhausted. What's going on?''

Hotch sat back down on the barstool and took another zip of his scotch. ''A lot. Haley and I decided to get a divorce, and not to mention that the woman I love is missing.'' he said bluntly, knowing the alcohol was the cause of his boldness.

''Yeah, I heard something about an missing agent. Jennifer Jareau?''

''Yes.'' Hotch answered.

Rossi sat down next to Hotch and ordered a scotch. ''Are you still investigating? And what in hell got you to sleep with your subordinate?''

''First of all, JJ and I were friends before it all started and she isn't just another girl. She is amazing.'' he explained. ''The police in Portland are still investigating, but Strauss ordered us to get back home when we ran out of leads.''

''Do you have any idea what happened to her?'' Rossi asked with worry. Hotch looked literally like shit. There were no other words for it.

''No, we have no clue.'' he answered sadly. ''We only found a tape with her bloody clothes.''

''What was on the tape?''

''JJ. She was half-naked, whispering the name Julia. Our technical analyst was able to isolate the audio but it only gave us the name. We have no idea who it is. So we hit a dead end.''

''I'm so sorry, Aaron.''

Hotch took the last zip of his scotch. ''I am not giving up on her. I'll call Portland PD every single day. I won't stop until I find her.''

Rossi could see how torn up his friend was. He knew Hotch as a stoic and professional agent, but what he saw now was the opposite. ''Tell me about her. She has to be special if she is worth giving up your marriage with Haley.''

Hotch sighed deeply. ''There's something different about JJ. I wasn't with her because she was younger.'' he explained instantly. ''She carries around this joy that always struck me. She was able to lighten up my darkest days.'' he went on. ''And her compassion was endless. I just realized I actually know so little about her, yet I love her so much.''

''Don't forget that! Because you need to tell her that when we find her.''

''I will never forget.''

''I think you had enough drinks for now. You should get some sleep, Aaron.'' Rossi said, standing up from the bar stool. ''Tomorrow is a new day and I think there will be a case waiting for us.''

''You're right.'' Hotch said. He said his goodbyes to Rossi and returned to the bar afterwards. He needed a place to let go and it was the only place he knew. JJ used to be that person for him. Someone who helped him let go of all the horror their jobs faced them with. Now he needed a drink to get to that point.


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: I hope everyone likes this update!

Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum, dino-dog83 and Jotchprossi18!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 14: Untold truths**

November 10th 2012

Hotch stepped inside the interrogation room where Charlie was still sitting. The team was getting more evidence by the hour, but there was still no one who knew where Steven Hicks could possibly be. The one man who probably hurt JJ the most, was gone. Hotch needed to find him. He wanted to arrest him himself.

''I need to ask you some questions Charlie.'' Hotch announced as he sat down across from the man. ''It'll be best if you help me for your own sake.''

''How is JJ?'' Charlie asked with worry in his voice. He really did care about her.

Hotch couldn't believe he was actually asking about JJ. He didn't have the right ask about her. ''You don't need to know anything about JJ. I am going to ask you some questions and I need you to answer them.'' he ordered impatiently.

''What's your problem?''

''My problem is that my agent has been missing for six years! And I want to catch the person who is responsible for her disappearance.''

''Steven Hicks!'' Charlie stated.

''I know his name, but we have no idea where he is. We already but out an APB.'' Hotch explained, trying to stay calm. ''What can you tell me about him?''

''I don't know anything about that guy.''

Hotch rose from his chair in anger. He needed answers. There wasn't any time to mess around. ''You went to his business every single day of the week for four years. You know something!''

Charlie leaned back in the chair. Hotch was intimidating him, but there wasn't much he could give him. ''I know that Steven had a personal interest in JJ. No one was allowed to touch JJ or do anything to her.''

''But why did you get time with her?''

''Because I never had sex with her. I only talked to her.''

''So you are telling me that you didn't go to the warehouse to get some action?''

Charlie shook his head. His arms were folded in front of his body. ''Yeah, I was until…'' he tried to say but Hotch interrupted him.

''Until what?''

''Until I saw JJ.'' he replied. ''There was something different about her. The look in her eyes and the intensity in her expression. I couldn't hurt her and I never did.''

''What happened afterwards?''

''Steven knew that JJ and I only talked.'' he began. ''After four weeks he gave me a deal.''

''What kind of deal?''

Charlie sighed deeply. It was a long story and sometimes he wondered why he kept going back to JJ. He always wondered what it was that drew him in. Maybe he just felt a need to help her. ''I would be the only one who could spent time with JJ during the week and no one would hurt her on the weekends. So she was safe for four years.''

''No, she wasn't Charlie.'' Hotch stated sadly.

''What? What are you talking about?''

''Steven raped JJ on the weekends. He kept her to himself. But JJ told us you left after four years and that everything became worse after that. Do you have any idea what happened? Why did you have to leave?'' Hotch asked, hoping everything was going to make more sense.

Charlie shook his head again. ''I don't know.'' he answered. ''Steven came to me one day and said JJ didn't want to see me anymore and if I ever came back that he would kill me.''

Hotch realized Charlie really didn't know anything. He seemed to answer all the questions with honesty and that was enough for now. Hotch rose from the chair to exit the room, but he stopped when Charlie named a name that had been haunting him for six years.

''Maybe Julia knows something about what happened to JJ.'' Charlie called out before Hotch left the interrogation room.

''Julia?'' Hotch asked desperately as he turned to Charlie. ''Julia? As in J-U-L-I-A?''

''Yes. Why?''

''The name has been mentioned before, but we don't know who she is.''

''She is JJ's best friend. JJ told me that she and Julia talked to each other all the time and that she was one of the people who helped JJ hold on.''

''Thank you, Charlie. This is something we need to talk to JJ about.'' Hotch said before leaving the room.

* * *

In the hospital JJ was laying the in the bed, replaying the past six years over and over again. She knew the memories were going to haunt her for the rest of her life. There was no way she could ever erase the images.

JJ's body responded to the door that suddenly opened. She saw Garcia's face appearing in the room. She looked really sad and JJ had no idea what she was supposed to say to her former friend.

''Hey,'' Garcia said softly. ''I wanted to check on you. I just came back from the police station.''

''Hi,'' JJ mustered. It was all she knew how to say. ''I'm glad you're here.'' she added.

Garcia smiled when JJ finally said more. She had missed the blonde so much. It was still like a dream. ''I had to sneak in because the doctors wanted you to rest. But I thought you could use some company.''

JJ stayed silent while Garcia sat down in the chair at her bedside. ''I've overheard the team talking about what happened to you.'' she explained. ''I'm so sorry, JJ. I wish I could go back six years and safe you.''

JJ's eyes started to water when a tear ran down Garcia's cheek. ''You can't.'' JJ said angrily.

''Are you okay?'' Garcia asked.

''No,'' JJ answered and Garcia's heart clenched at that answer.

''Do you want to be alone?''

JJ considered her question. ''I don't know.'' she finally said at last.

The door suddenly opened and an angry Hotch stepped inside. He saw Garcia sitting next to the bed with tears in her eyes. ''I'm sorry Penelope but I have to interrupt.''

''Of course, sir.'' she said, standing up from the chair. It seemed like no one was allowed to have some time alone with JJ. Everyone was interrupted. But she could see in Hotch's expression that it was something important.

JJ watched as Garcia left the room and Hotch stepped closer. There was an urgency on his face. He also carried a look of distrust. ''What do you want?'' she asked coldly.

''I want to help you, JJ. I really do, but I can't when you keep details or names from us.'' Hotch explained.

''I didn't even talk to you!'' she began. ''I talked to Rossi. It's none of your business.''

''It is!''

''Why do you even care?''

Hotch felt the anger rise in his body. But he couldn't explode. The entire situation was pushing his boundaries. JJ was different. The team was tense and there were no leads to find Steven Hicks. ''Really? That's your question?'' he asked with disappointment. ''Why do I care?'' he repeated before actually answering. He couldn't wrap his head around that question. It was unfair. ''JJ, the past six years have been the worst years for everyone who cares about you. We want to do anything to help you, but we can't do that if you're not honest with us.'' he explained. ''With me!''

''I just don't want you to see me like this.''

''Why not?''

''Because this is not me. I don't want you to look at me with pity, Hotch.'' she cried out.

He stepped closer and hovered over the bed to pull her into a hug. Her head rested on her shoulder as he held her tightly. ''I would never do that, JJ.'' he whispered into her ear. ''I know you went through hell and I can't change but I do want to help you. I want to be there when you start to heal.''

JJ pulled away. Nothing about him changed. He was still the same comforting man she met years ago. ''Heal?''

''Yes.'' he replied. ''I hope you find yourself again.''

''The sweet innocent girl you had an affair with is dead!'' JJ stated. ''The girl you once knew isn't coming back.''

Hotch was shocked by the intensity of JJ's words. It broke his heart a little more. ''It was more than an affair, JJ. You know that.''

''No, I don't know! And I don't care about that anymore. It happened and it'll never happen again. I'll never have an affair with you again.''

''I'm not married anymore, JJ. I filed for divorce about a month after your disappearance.'' he replied. He didn't want to have discussion which caused him to get right to the point. ''Who is Julia?''

JJ was about to say something about his divorce when the name fell from his lips. Julia was the last person she wanted to think or talk about. Just thinking about the name made her body shake. Those were memories she wanted to keep buried forever.


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: I hope everyone likes this update! I want to let you guys know that chapters may not be updated regularly because my finals are starting next week.

Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum and samcarter1980!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 15: The first hours**

September 23rd 2006

JJ collided with the muddy ground. The stab wound to her side kept her from moving. The man who had attacked her was standing behind her. She still hadn't seen his face and she didn't need to. She only wanted to find a way out, but her body wasn't working. Every ounce of energy she had was gone. And suddenly the man grabbed her by the waist to get her to stand up.

''Stand up!'' he ordered as he violently helped her up. His impatience was running out. He wasn't supposed to run into the FBI. He wasn't in the mood for any mistakes.

JJ tried to struggle against his grip, but he was still too strong. He turned her around and she finally saw his face for the first time. She didn't dare to look at him. Instead, she gazed over his shoulder and she noticed a van. It was white and dirty. The man lifted JJ up over his shoulder as he slowly approached the van. He dropped her to the ground again when he stopped in front of the van. He didn't even pay any attention to JJ, knowing she was too badly injured to escape.

JJ didn't move as she heard to the doors to the van open. Her body still wasn't working. But she didn't want to give up. Her mind was racing as the fear started to set in. What did he want? What was going to happen to her? All the questions made her more terrified. Her heart beat faster with every second. The woods around her were still dark and everything was silent. She could only hear the man around her.

''What do you want?'' she asked hoarsely.

The man kneeled down next to her. ''Oh sweetheart you'll find out soon enough. I never thought I would go back with two beautiful women. I've had my eyes on Julia for a while but I have to say you're even better. And your FBI. That makes it a win for my club.'' he said, caressing JJ's cheek.

JJ had no idea what or who the guy was talking about until she looked up. She saw a brunette girl about the same age as herself. She was tied up and she lay on the cold floor of the van. ''Who are you? What did you do to her?'' JJ yelled out. She pulled away from his touch in the hope that he would get the message, but he took a strong hold of her shoulders instead.

''My name is Steven. But you get to call me sir, Jennifer.'' he said, noticing the horrified look in JJ's eyes. ''I saw your name on the badge, honey. Don't worry about it.'' he stated firmly as he put his hands on JJ's waist. He felt a shiver going through her slender but toned body. He helped her to her feet again. ''Let's get you undressed. We need to leave something for your co-workers to work with. I'll bet they will be going crazy when they find you clothes.'' he whispered in JJ's ear. His hands moved to the hem of her shirt. His fingers grazed her smooth skin.

JJ's entire body froze when she felt his hands on her body. ''No! Please don't!'' she pleaded when he forced her shirt over her head. The bloodied shirt fell to the ground and she was left in her bra. She folded her arms to cover her chest from his gaze.

Steven smirked at JJ. ''You don't need to cover yourself up. You're a pretty little thing.'' he said, pulling JJ flush against him. One of his hands landed on her stomach and he started to move it upwards.

JJ felt his hand moving somewhere where it didn't belong. ''Don't touch me!'' she said as she kicked him in the crotch. Steven stumbled backwards and JJ tried to make a run for it, but suddenly realized she couldn't leave the girl alone with him. She needed to help her. She slowly ran toward the van where the girl was tied up and sitting with her back against the cold metal. She was also gagged. JJ pulled the tape from her mouth. ''I'm sorry. I'm JJ by the way.'' she apologized.

''It's fine. Just get this off me. And I am Julia!'' Julia whispered as she looked at the restraints on her wrists and ankles.

''Go!'' Julia suddenly yelled when Steven came up from behind JJ.

JJ felt something hard on her head, but she lost consciousness before she could realize what was happening.

* * *

JJ finally awoke with a throbbing pain in her head. Her vision was blurry and she couldn't move her hands. She realized her hands were tied behind her back. When she tried to move she noticed that she was only wearing her panties and bra. She had no idea what happened.

''Julia?'' JJ whispered. ''Julia? Wake up!'' she pleaded. But Julia didn't respond. Her eyes were closed, but JJ could see she was still breathing.

''Julia?'' she asked again, hoping the girl would wake up. The tears finally escaped her eyes. Her nightmare had become reality and there was no way to escape it.

* * *

November 10th 2012

''Who is Julia?'' Hotch asked again when JJ didn't answer. She seemed to be in some kind of trance.

JJ refocused on Hotch's voice. She just started to relive the first moment she met Julia. ''How do you know that name?''

Hotch felt the impatience rising. ''We heard you whisper the voice on a tape. You were tied up in the back of a van. Half-naked!'' he added to make her remember.

''Oh,''

''What is it, JJ?''

''Julia and I were abducted at the same day. She was in the van with me. I called out her name because she was unconscious.'' she explained, her voice soft and tender.

Hotch started to put the pieces together. ''We didn't find a girl by the name Julia in the warehouse.'' he commented, knowing by the look on JJ's face that there was more to the story.

''I know.''

''What happened to Julia?'' Hotch asked.


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum and Sophia0665!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 16: Repercussions**

July 2nd 2012

JJ was shivering from the cold. Her entire skin was covered in goose bumps. The small cell had no heating and she was barely wearing any clothes. She knew why. It was the weekend. The two days out of the week when her nightmares became reality. She wished she could do something to disappear. She had been dreaming about the team finding her. She believed that one day they would find her and she would be saved from the hell she was in. And she would be able to jump into the arms of the person she still loved with her whole heart.

''Hello darling!'' Steven announced as he stood on the other side of the cell. The cells were exactly like the ones in prison.

The place was a prison. The only difference was that JJ and the other girl were forced to be there. ''Hi.'' JJ whispered, knowing she had to do what he wanted or she would only get hurt even worse. But she never obeyed Steven's orders. She always struggled and tried to fight him off. She wasn't just going to surrender to him. There was no way that would ever happen. Today there was a different look on his face. He normally was smiling, but today his face was filled with anger.

''Someone told me that you and Charlie got a little too close yesterday, Jennifer. Would you like to tell me what happened?''

JJ shook her head, thinking about the events that happened prior. Charlie had only kissed her. He hadn't touched her for four years and then he kissed her after such a long time. She didn't expected it to happen. ''Nothing. We just talked. Like always.'' she lied, knowing the truth would set him off.

''I've told you from the start that you're mine. No one gets to touch you except me!'' he yelled as he opened the door. He saw JJ cringe and it only made him feel powerful. ''He kissed you!''

''No, he didn't!'' JJ yelled back.

''Don't you lie to me! You know what happens when you don't obey.'' he said as he grabbed JJ by her shoulders. He lifted her up from the ground.

''You can't hurt me.'' she smirked, knowing it was true. ''You're just a sick son of a bitch!''

''I can't hurt you?'' he asked. ''You want to bet?''

He violently pushed JJ back against the wall. The force of the collision caused a loud thud. ''Mark!'' Steven called out. ''Bring Julia in here!''

JJ looked up when she heard the name. ''What are you doing?'' she asked with desperation.

''You said I couldn't hurt you. Well, I can hurt someone you really care about.'' Steven explained with a smile on his face. ''Some people can survive physical torture better than when another person is tortured in front of them.'' he explained, noticing the horror in JJ's eyes.

''Let me go!'' Julia yelled as she was brought into JJ's cell. She saw JJ on the ground behind Steven. ''What do you want?''

''Well, I want my Jennifer to obey me. Maybe this will help.'' he said, stepping towards Julia. He pushed her down to the ground and started kicking her in the stomach.

''No! No! Stop it!'' JJ yelled out as she watched the scene unfold before her eyes. She slowly got up from the ground and made a run toward Steven. But he suddenly stopped and held her back.

''What is it sweetheart? It doesn't hurt to see your best friend in pain?'' he mocked. ''Continue, Mark!'' Steven ordered.

JJ struggled against his grip while Mark kept beating Julia. Blood was coming from wounds all over her body and there was nothing JJ could do to help her friend.

''Please! Don't do this! Please! I'll do anything you want.''

''You know what I want!'' Steven said as he pushed JJ on her knees in front of him. He gave Mark a sign to stop. He got what he wanted. JJ listened to his orders without putting up a fight.

''JJ, don't!'' Julia mumbled as she lay on the floor. ''Don't give the bastard what he wants.''

JJ knew Julia was right but she couldn't stand to see her friend get hurt. But something stopped her. She sat down on the ground and moved herself away from Steven.

''Kill her!'' Steven said.

Mark pointed the gun at Julia's head, but he was stopped when Steven took it from him. ''I want to do it!'' he said. ''Now you finally know what I am truly capable of JJ!''

JJ was about to leap forward when the gun went off. Julia's body fell backwards. The blood seeped from her head and formed a pool around her body. The scene caused her to freeze. She couldn't move. The person who had been her rock was just killed in front of her because she disobeyed.

''No! Noooo!'' JJ cried out. ''No!'' she yelled again. She pulled her legs up to her body and let her head fall into her hands. Her body was still shaking from the shock.


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980 and jenny crum!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 17: Goodbye again**

November 10th 2012

''What happened to Julia?'' Hotch repeated carefully. The look in JJ's eyes scared him. He didn't want to push her, but it was necessary for them to know as much as possible about what happened to her. It would make it easier to catch the people who were responsible.

JJ gazed into his eyes. ''She was killed because I didn't obey.'' she confessed without any emotion in her voice. She did feel. She just didn't want to show it. She learned that emotion could only bring you down in the end.

''That can't be true, JJ.'' Hotch said affectionately as he took a step closer to her bed.

His presence threw her off balance. How could he still have that affect on her? She wanted to stay strong, but every memory tore down that desire. ''Then how come it is?''

''Do you want to talk about it?''

''It hurts.'' she cried out. ''It just hurts so much.''

Hotch stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. Her head instantly rested against his chest as his arms went around her. ''I know. I am here, JJ.''

''I just don't understand it.'' she whispered as the tears kept falling. She wondered if they would ever stop. Her life had been messed up in ways she could've never imagined.

''What?''

''Why did this happen to me? To Julia. To all those girls.'' she answered, pulling away from his embrace.

Hotch pulled the chair close and sat down. He took her hand in his. He didn't want to let go of her. It broke him to see her like this, but he was glad that she was finally letting him in. ''You were hurt in the most unimaginable way, JJ. How could you ever understand that?'' he said. ''I want to kill the person who did this to you. You never deserved this. Any of it. And it is tearing me apart to know that this happened to you.'' he went on. ''I wish I could go back and help you.''

His words made her tears even worse. He was the same person she always knew. He was caring, warm and protective. Knowing that he was there was good enough for know. It gave her a sense of security she hadn't felt in years. ''I know. I am glad you're here.'' she admitted with a small smile.

''So am I.'' he agreed.

A long silence fell while both of them just tried to enjoy the moment. Hotch couldn't believe he could actually touch her again. It was part of a miracle. But when he looked into her eyes, he knew some things would never be the same again.

''How is Jack?'' JJ asked to break the silence.

Hotch smiled at the thought of his son. ''He's amazing. I know he would love you, JJ.''

''When did you…'' she was about to ask when Hotch interrupted.

''When did I file for divorce?'' he asked. JJ nodded. ''A month after you disappeared. I told Haley the truth about us. I said I couldn't be with her when I was in love with someone else.''

Shock was the first thing JJ felt. Then she felt disappointment. ''Was?''

''I still am.'' he confessed. ''JJ, I always loved you. I was just afraid to admit it. I didn't realize what I had until I lost you, and I know how bad that must sound but I…I…really do love you.''

''Oh,'' she said. It was all she could say. She didn't know how to respond to his confession. ''So you never had a relationship when I was gone?''

''No,'' he answered simply. He was ready to explain to her why. Her face was full of shock. But she seemed open enough to listen to him and he knew he needed to take advantage of that. ''What we had was worth waiting for, JJ. I never gave up hope because I couldn't and still can't imagine my life without you. Loving you was worth every night I was alone. It was worth all the pain I felt because I didn't know where you were.'' he went on. ''Because when I look at my future, I only see you in it. No one else. Just you.'' he rambled on.

''I wish we had this conversation six years ago.'' she began. ''I don't know if I can ever be that person for you again. I just can't promise that, even though I want to.''

''I know you can't. And I don't want you to promise me anything, JJ.'' he said. ''I will wait for you. I have waited six years already. I can do another twenty if I have to.''

His loyalty was just as fierce as it had been all those years ago. ''I don't want you to wait. You deserve to have a life filled with happiness. It's not supposed to be filled with question marks. You deserve so much more than this.''

''What are you trying to tell me?''

She sighed deeply. What she was about to say was going to hurt. Not only her but him as well. She had thought about it. She had even spoken to her doctor about it. She realized it would be best for everyone involved. ''I am going home with my parents.'' she answered. ''I'm not coming back to DC.''

''JJ, don't…''

''Aaron…'' she pleaded. ''Please don't try to change my mind. Don't make it harder than it already is.''

''Why?''

''Because you all have lives and I don't want to intrude.'' she started. ''Six years ago we were like a family, but I don't think I'll ever be a part of that again. Too much has changed and I hope you can respect my decision.''

Hotch rose from the chair and was walking to the door. He turned around to JJ. ''I need a minute.'' he announced before he left the room.

He walked into the hallway where Derek was still sitting. Hotch wanted to walk past him when he stood up and blocked his path.

''What happened?'' Derek asked with worry.

''She isn't coming back, Derek. She is going home with her parents.'' Hotch answered.

''No, she wouldn't.''

''Then why is she?'' Hotch asked.

Derek knew he was serious about this. ''Are you okay?''

''Fine.'' he whispered.

''Hotch, come on!'' Derek said loudly. ''You're not okay.''

''No, I am not.'' he agreed. ''Every time I feel like I have a handle on my life it just slips away again.'' he said. ''We get JJ back and now she is leaving.''

''I'll talk to her.''

''It won't work.'' Hotch said before leaving Derek alone.


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 18: Frustrations **

August 6th 2006, Miami-Beach

Hotch was nervously wandering around the hallway of the hotel. He told JJ they shouldn't be together while they were on cases and it made her mad. She felt like she was just being used and she stormed off after dinner with the team. Hotch tried to keep her from going, but he couldn't stop her. He understood her frustrations. He knew he had been using her ever since Jack was born. But it wasn't a bad thing. JJ was his escape from his problems and she reminded him why he was alive. But now he had no idea where she was and he was worried sick. He had been calling her non-stop but her phone was turned off. He had never been so angry at himself. He didn't intend to yell at her. He wanted to keep his relationship with JJ on the down low, but that didn't mean that he wanted to hurt her.

He suddenly heard a familiar giggle coming from the elevator. He immediately ran to the elevators where he saw JJ walking with a young and handsome guy. JJ looked at bit drunk and Hotch knew she wasn't thinking straight.

''JJ?'' Hotch called out angrily. But his anger was manifested because he felt extremely jealous.

JJ looked up and she saw Hotch standing in front of her. She stopped and turned to the guy next to her. She had already forgotten his name, which she didn't really care about. ''Hi, Hotch!'' she greeted happily. She passed him by and ignored him. But Hotch pulled her back by the arms. JJ turned around immediately. ''Don't!'' she warned.

''What are you doing?'' Doug asked when Hotch grabbed JJ's arms.

Hotch pulled his credentials from his jacket and showed them to Doug. ''FBI. I suggest that you leave this girl alone. She is off limits.''

''Fine. I'll go!'' he said and he left in a hurry afterwards.

''Seriously?'' JJ asked.

''I was worried sick about you, JJ. You left without saying anything.'' Hotch tried to explain as he followed JJ. He knew they were approaching her room and he wasn't about to let her go without talking.

''JJ, can we talk?''

She turned around again. ''Do you want to apologize to me?'' she asked, hoping he would.

''Why would I?''

The anger was frustrating the hell out of JJ. But somehow Hotch always got what he wanted. She loved him and she still hadn't told him. It pained her when he took distance from her. He was also her best friend and she was afraid of losing that forever. ''You don't get to decide when we are together!'' JJ said loudly as she opened the door to her room. She let Hotch walk in and closed the door behind them.

''I don't do that, JJ. I just think it's best when we…'' he tried to say but JJ interrupted his sentence.

''Yes, you do. You either show up at my apartment or you text me.'' she hinted. ''Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?''

''Yes, I do because I don't want it to be like that.''

JJ sat down on the edge of the bed. Hotch sat down next to her and put a hand on her leg. ''I don't want to lose you, JJ. You're the only thing that's keeping me together right now.'' Hotch whispered.

She gazed into his eyes, knowing he was serious. The softness in his voice made her shiver. It was a familiarity she never wanted to let go. ''I don't want to lose you either. But I don't want be your booty call, Aaron.'' she said, rising from the bed.

She stood frozen in the middle of the room while the sexual tension started to grow. That always happened. They had been having an affair for five months and it never went away. It was becoming stronger the more they were together. And it sometimes got in the way during work, and that was never supposed to happen. But it just did and there was no going back.

Hotch stood up and stopped in front of JJ. He put his hands on her waist, gripping the material of her shirt. He gently pushed her against the wall behind her. He covered her body with his own as he heard her moan when his hands went under her shirt. He leaned down and he softly kissed her neck all the way up to her jaw, until he found her lips. The kiss turned from soft into a hungry one. But he knew this wasn't the way to resolve their issues. He didn't want JJ to believe he was with her for the sex. It was so much more than that. And because of that, he decided to pull away from her.

''We shouldn't do this.'' he whispered against her smooth and tempting skin. ''It's not right.''

''I know.'' JJ agreed. Her chest was still heaving from the excitement she felt. It was always a rush when he was so close to her. ''I think I am going to change into something more comfortable.''

''Of course.'' he said. ''Do you want me to stay?''

''Only if you want to.''

''What do you want?'' he asked with a smile, knowing the answer to his question.

JJ smirked. ''I want you to stay.''

''Great.'' he said, sitting down in the chair. He watched as JJ started to take off her clothes. He knew each part of her body very well, but he still admired her beauty. He knew he would probably never stop admiring her. She was one of a kind and he knew she wouldn't believe it if someone told her that.

JJ turned around when she was in her shorts and tank top. It felt extremely comfortable after the a long day of work. ''What are you looking at?''

''You.'' he answered simply. He pulled JJ onto his lap when she passed the chair. She straddled him as he cupped her face. ''You're so beautiful.'' he breathed out.

''Oh,'' she said, not knowing how to respond.

JJ leaned down and kissed him on the lips while his hands moved down her body. She brushed her lips against his and stopped for a moment. ''Should we do this now?''

''Hell yeah!'' he groaned out. And like every other time he got lost in the blonde beauty. Her simple yet graceful touch turned his world upside down. It made him forget who he was.


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to jenny crum and CriminalCrazy (Thank you so much for being my soundboard. It helps a lot and I can't thank you enough.)!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 19: Just a start**

November 11th 2012

JJ hadn't seen Hotch since the other day. Their conversation was stuck in her head and his admission made her choice even harder. But deep down she knew she could never give him what he deserved. She had gone through too much to just move forward. Hell, she was still scared when she heard an unfamiliar voice. The strong person she used to be was gone. And that side of her probably would never return again. If it did it would be a true blessing.

JJ finally forced herself to look at the person at her bedside. The doctor wanted her to talk to a therapist. She didn't want to, but she knew it was the only way to pretend to be fine. She didn't want anyone to know how she truly felt. Plus, her job at the FBI would come in handy, knowing how to answer the questions. But something inside her wanted to be honest. She really did want to get better. She didn't want to feel terrified.

''Hello Jennifer, I am Dr. Ryan.'' the woman introduced kindly. ''You can call me Julie.''

''Julie?'' JJ asked with a lump in her throat. It instantly reminded her of Julia. ''It's nice to meet you.''

The doctor noticed the change of behavior in JJ after mentioning her own name. ''I haven't spoken to anyone about your situation. I wanted to have fresh eyes.'' she explained. ''But do you relate my name with something horrible?''

''Julia was my best friend in the brothel.'' JJ answered simply, not wanting to explain further. But she knew that was going to happen.

''Where you there of your own will?''

JJ couldn't believe that question. Who would ask that? How could she even consider that? ''Of course not!'' JJ said angrily. ''Do you think I would volunteer to feel worthless and gross?''

Julie knew anger was the only way to get JJ to open up. She immediately noticed that the blonde was hiding behind a cold mask. She wouldn't show any emotion. Only when she really had to. ''So, you just mentioned that you believe you're a dirty and worthless person. That must be very painful to live with.'' she summarized. ''Please explain to me what you mean when you call yourself dirty and worthless.''

JJ sighed deeply, trying to keep the tears away. ''I feel like I've become a victim. Just one of those people, everyone looks down on. Somebody everyone sees as a piece of trash.''

''I don't think that about you.'' Julie started with all honesty. ''When I look at you, I see someone who is worthy. I also see a very beautiful woman, who isn't a victim, but a survivor.'' she said. ''It wasn't your fault JJ. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But what does it mean to you to be dirty and worthless?''

A tear finally ran down her cheek. The woman didn't even know the details of her situation, but somehow she hit all the right spots. ''To me it means I can never be happy again.''

''If that's true, what would that mean to you?''

The tears weren't stoppable any longer. Her head was spinning when she really thought about the question. ''I wouldn't want to live.'' she confessed. ''I mean what would I have left?''

''Are you happy now?''

''No.''

''So, it means you actually want to die in this moment.''

JJ shook her head. ''I honestly don't know what I want.''

Julie could feel JJ's hurt. It was radiating from the blonde. It was in every single thing she did. ''It's understandable that you don't know what you want.'' Julie explained softly.

''But to summarize your feelings so far, it sounds like you believe that your time in the brothel has become a death sentence. It has changed you into an unworthy person who thinks she doesn't deserve to live. Is that really what you believe?''

''Yes, I believe that about myself. But I don't want my life to be ruined forever.''

''Your life doesn't have to be ruined, JJ.'' Julie began. ''Do you have people who love you?''

JJ's mind instantly went to Hotch. He told her he loved her. And she guessed the team did as well, since they stuck around the hospital for a very long time. She also had her parents. ''I think I do.''

''I know you do. I saw people waiting in the hallway before I came into your room. That is something.''

''I know, but I just don't want them to look at me like I am a victim.''

''JJ, I want you to hear me out!'' Julie ordered. ''You are a victim!'' she said very clearly, seeing that JJ was about to cut her off. ''But you can become a survivor. But you need to work on it. What happened to you, will be with you for the rest of your life. It just doesn't have to affect everything you do. You can learn how to live with it, and that is the moment when you become a survivor.''

''I don't know where to start.'' she cried out. ''The man who tortured and raped me is still out there. How am I supposed to try to move on when I know he can hurt me again?''

''You have to believe that he will be caught. You can't let him win.''

''I don't know how I can believe that when I know that the FBI has no leads to find him.''

JJ's argument sounded valid. She was right. There was no way to be sure that Steven Hicks was going to be caught. ''I know you're right, but you have to forgive him in some way.''

''Forgive him?'' JJ asked in astonishment. ''Are you kidding me?''

There was no answer from Julie and JJ knew she was right. Her face was filled with shock. ''If I had a chance to kill him, I would. I wouldn't let him get away.'' JJ admitted bluntly.

''JJ, I think we need to stop this conversation before it gets out of hand. I'll talk your doctor and we'll see what happens next.'' Julie said before leaving the room all of a sudden.

Julie stepped into the hallway and she was immediately surrounded by the team. ''She's fine.'' Julie reassured. ''But I think she has worked too long with profilers.''

''Was she that good at undermining you?'' Reid asked with confusion.

''She is the one who takes over the conversation. And her mood changes from emotional, to cold, to distant. I think she's trying to hide her real feelings. Right now, I need to figure out what is best for JJ.''

''What do you mean?'' Hotch asked, stepping forward.

''I think JJ's discharge needs to be reconsidered.''

Hotch felt his stomach turn. He knew the hospital was the worst place for JJ to be right now. ''There's no way you can force her to stay here. She won't survive that.''

''I guess we'll see.'' Julie said before leaving the team with confused faces.


	21. Chapter 20

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980 and CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 20: Expression**

JJ's head had been spinning for the past few minutes. The emotions she felt were all over the place and there wasn't a way she could make them go away. She wished she could, but she just didn't know how. She never meant to snap in the conversation with Julie, but it felt like she was undermining her. And JJ wasn't going to hear someone talk bad about her situation when they didn't even know that many details.

Her heart skipped a beat when the door opened. No one seemed to understand what knocking was for and it made her angry. Every little sound scared her. They should know that. But when she saw Derek's face, she forgot her anger.

''Hey,'' Derek greeted as he walked into the room. He carefully closed the door behind him before making his way to JJ. ''How are you holding up?''

''I'm hanging in there. I think.'' she answered honestly. She didn't know how she was. Her body still hurt like hell. She was covered in bruises, that only reminded her of what happened.

Derek sat down in the chair, breathing in before talking. ''You don't look fine to me, JJ.''

''I know.'' she agreed in a whisper. She was sitting up in the bed, which made it easier for her to talk to Derek. ''How did you get over it?''

''I don't think I ever did, JJ.'' he replied. ''I never talked about it and it just slowly tore me apart. My way of dealing with it, is to do this job and I try to not look back at my childhood. That's the only thing I know.''

''I get it. I don't think I can ever get over it.'' she said with disappointment in her voice. ''So, where do you work now?''

Derek noticed her change of subject, but he wasn't going to point it out. The last thing he wanted was to make JJ angry. ''I'm Unit Chief of Organized Crimes at the New-York Field Office.''

''That's great, Derek. You were always easy to work with.''

''Ah, really?'' he asked with a teasing voice. ''I thought I was so hard to resist with my charms and of course my looks.''

''Sure,'' JJ joked. ''I felt like I was your mother half of the time because I needed to get you away from Spence.'' she explained. ''And you're not that attractive.''

''Ouch!'' he exclaimed. ''That really hurt!''

''I'm just telling the truth.''

''JJ, could I ask you something?'' Derek asked, his voice serious and soft.

JJ shrugged her shoulders. ''Depends on the question.''

Derek straightened himself up a little. He felt nervous to ask JJ the question. ''Did you really decide to go back home with your parents when you get discharged?''

''It's none of your business, Derek.''

''Like hell it is!'' he said angrily.

''No, it's not.'' JJ yelled back. ''You have no idea why I am doing this and it's my own decision!''

''I do know why you're doing this!''

''No, you don't Derek.'' she contradicted. ''You think you know me so well Derek?'' she asked, but she never let him answer. ''Do I really have to justify every choice I make?''

''I might not know you after everything that happened to you, but there's someone who will fall apart when you leave.'' he said, noticing that JJ's eyes looked at him in shock. ''Yes, I know. I know you had an affair with Hotch. But do you really want to be the one who tears out his heart?''

''That's not fair!'' JJ said with tears in her eyes. ''I'm not responsible for his feelings. I wasn't six years ago and I am still not.'' she went on. ''I don't have to carry that responsibility, Derek. I have enough problems all on my own. I need to think about what's best for me right now.'' she said, taking a deep breath before continuing. ''I know I will fall apart when I go back to DC. I don't want Hotch to be there when I am going through all of this. He doesn't deserve to see me like that. I am not doing this for me, Derek!'' JJ explained loudly.

Derek leaned back in the chair after JJ just poured her heart out to him. ''I just don't want you to wake up years from now and realize you made a mistake.''

''I made a mistake six years ago when I started an affair with a married man who happened to be my boss.'' JJ added after Derek's response. ''It should have never happened in the first place, Derek. It only filled my carefree life with drama. I thought I was a booty call to him.''

''I'm not saying that I think you did the right thing, but when I look at Hotch I see how deeply he feels for you. I've never seen him like that, JJ. It has to mean something.''

''I just need to find the power to move on with my life.''

''And you want to find that by going back to East Allegheny?'' he asked. ''I thought we were your family, JJ.'' he added sadly.

''You're right Derek. We were.''

''That's not true.''

''No?'' JJ asked. ''The entire team fell apart after my disappearance. Emily and you left. What does that say?'' she questioned. ''I can't find my way back if I go to DC.''

''I guess I can't convince you.''

''I guess you can't.''

Derek rose from the chair. He walked to the door and then suddenly turned around to face JJ. ''But just know one thing!'' he stated.

''What's that?'' she asked.

''Family and love are the only things that'll help you through this. I just hope you will realize that in time.'' he said.

JJ watched him walk out of the room. His words were stuck in her mind. But she still wasn't going to do what the team wanted. She had made her decision and she would stick by it no matter what. It felt like the best option. Her family was back in her home town, and not in Washington, DC. But was that really true? Did blood really make you family? Or was it about more than that?

Those questions took over JJ's mind as she lay down in the bed. She closed her eyes to think, but they instantly opened when she saw the images flash before her eyes. And then she realized she didn't know much any longer. Her world had been turned upside down and she no longer knew the difference between wrong and right.


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 21: A promise**

Hotch angrily knocked on the hotel room door. He wanted to talk to JJ's parents about her decision. He had no idea if they had seen JJ after the first time. But his gut told him that they did. They had something to do with JJ's decision. She would've never made that decision on her own. She was barely holding it together to make a decision like that.

The door was slowly opened by Bill Jareau. The expression on his face was better than Hotch had seen in a long time. But there was no way, he could be civil with JJ's parents any longer.

''Hello.'' Bill greeted as he stepped aside to let Hotch in. ''Is JJ alright?'' he asked immediately.

Hotch saw Sandy sitting in a chair with the phone to her ear. He heard her talk about JJ and how great she was doing. Hotch couldn't believe that her parents were actually so blind to the entire situation.

''JJ is fine.'' he reassured. ''I need to talk to you about JJ, tough.'' he hinted.

''Of course.'' Bill agreed. ''What's going on?''

Hotch stayed in the same spot as Bill sat down on the edge of the bed. ''Did you really convince JJ to go home with you?''

''Yes, we did.'' Sandy answered after she hung up her phone. ''It's what's best for JJ.''

''And how did you convince her to do that? Because the JJ I know would've never made that decision.'' Hotch said angrily, knowing he was right. The look on their faces told him enough.

''We didn't convince her. She made the choice all on her own.'' Bill explained, wrapping an arm around his wife. ''Why wouldn't we be honest with you?''

Hotch took a step forward, ready to profile them. He actually already did. He knew their motives since the beginning. ''Because you lost JJ the moment she went to college. She suddenly turned into a free and bubbly personality you kept under wraps for years, afraid of losing her just like Rachel. But JJ doesn't let anyone make decisions for her.'' Hotch started. ''But right now she isn't herself and decisions can be made for her.'' he went on. ''Or did you make it easier by quilting her into it because you lost another daughter and you couldn't stand to lose her again?''

Bill rose from the bed in defense. ''I am not going to listen to your accusations.''

''Does JJ know that you didn't want anything to do with the investigation after a year?''

''There's no reason for her to know about that.'' Sandy said softly. ''We're here now.''

Hotch took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. ''Yeah, but it's about five years too late.''

''Why are you so hell band on defending or daughter?'' Bill asked. ''What in god's name can you lose when she moves in with us?''

''She was my subordinate and she disappeared on my watch!'' Hotch explained loudly. ''My entire team has something to lose when she isn't around!''

''We are her family!'' Sandy cried out.

''You might be!'' Hotch agreed, still angry. ''But so are we.''

''You only knew her for a year. How in hell can she be your family?'' Bill said.

Hotch wasn't prepared to answer their questions. He came to the hotel to get some clarity but it turned out worse. ''That didn't matter.'' he whispered. ''JJ had such a big impression on all of us. She felt at home the second she walked in that was also why I chose her above everyone else. I had about thirty applicants for JJ's position. Most of them had more experience and weren't fresh out of the academy, but JJ's views were different and fresh. I knew she would bring something new to our team.''

''East Allegheny isn't that far away from DC. You can visit her whenever you want.'' Sandy said to try and change his mind.

Hotch shook his head. ''It's not even about that. It's about what is best for JJ. And moving in with you isn't it.''

''Well, Dr. Ryan approved. She told us that JJ will need to go to therapy once a week and that she'll be better in no time.'' Sandy explained. ''We can fix her.''

Hotch froze. That sentence killed him inside. ''Fix her?'' he asked. ''Your daughter isn't something for you to fix!'' he said angrily. ''She went through hell! Actual hell. And you think you can just fix that? JJ deserves so much better than parents like you.'' he added, seeing the shock on their faces. He just didn't care about their feelings. ''I hope you realize what you're doing to her, because your plans will break her even more. Especially when she finds out that you gave up on her five years ago. I won't tell her, because I don't want to be the one to break her heart even more.'' he went on. ''I love her too much.'' he whispered before turning around and leaving the hotel room. He couldn't stand those people. They only thought about themselves. But right now JJ was the person who was supposed to be thought about. Her feelings were supposed to be more important than anything else.

* * *

Hotch went back to the hospital. He was waiting outside JJ's room. He knew the doctor was inside and he wanted to respect her privacy. When the doctor came into the hallway, Hotch immediately stepped inside the room. He noticed that JJ didn't look any better. Her eyes were filled with exhaustion.

''Hey,'' he greeted softly, trying not to scare her.

JJ looked his way. ''Hi.'' she greeted back.

''JJ, can we talk?'' Hotch asked in a whisper.

JJ shook her head. ''Aaron, please don't!'' she warned. ''I don't want to fight with you. Not about any of this, okay?''

The plea in her voice made him cave. He couldn't hurt her. ''Sure.''

''Thank you.''

''Always.'' he said with a loving voice. He held her hand as he sat on the edge of the bed. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but he had to keep his distance. ''How are you feeling?''

''I think I am okay.'' she answered. ''The doctor told me I can leave in two days.''

Hotch felt like crying in that single moment. ''Oh.'' he said, knowing it was all he could say.

''I won't go without saying goodbye to all of you, I promise.'' she said sadly. ''But there's one thing I want to do before I leave.''

''What's that?''

''I want to talk to Julia's fiancé.'' JJ replied. ''I promised her. We promised each other.'' she explained after she saw the question in his eyes.

''Promised what?''

''That we would both deliver a message in case something ever happened to one of us.'' JJ began. ''She asked me to go to her fiancé, Jason Holmes. And I asked her to give you a message.''

His heart a skipped a beat when he heard that. It meant she still had some kind of feelings for him. ''I'll find him.''

''I want to go with you.'' JJ said.

''No…'' he was about to say but JJ caught him off.

''I promised her, Aaron. I don't want to break my promise to her.''

''Okay.'' he finally agreed, picking up his phone to call Garcia.


	23. Chapter 22

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 22: Teardrops**

November 13th 2012

The day JJ had dreaded was finally there. It was the day, she was going to say goodbye to the team. She knew very well that her departure was going to cause a lot of hurt, but she promised her parents something. She couldn't go back now. But before she was going to leave, she was going to inform Julia's fiancé. It was the last thing she promised her best friend and there was no way she could turn it into a broken promise. That wouldn't be fair.

JJ stood in front of the mirror, looking at the person she barely recognized. The bruises on her face were almost gone and the marks on her neck had faded for the most part. She closed the button on the blazer. It has been years since she actually wore a normal outfit. And it felt weird to wear one, but she tried not to think about. She straightened her hair and walked back into the room. She saw Hotch standing in the middle in his suit. As she looked at him, she realized nothing about him had really changed. His stamina was the same. She could still see the muscles underneath his clothes. But his eyes told a story of loss. And she knew exactly that she was the cause of his expression.

''I'm ready.'' JJ said, reassuring herself that she could really do this. ''What are you looking at?'' she asked as Hotch's eyes traced along her body.

He snapped from his haze and looked JJ in the eye. ''You look great, JJ.'' he complimented carefully. ''Are you sure you're ready?''

JJ couldn't answer the question without lying. She didn't want to upset Hotch, but she also didn't want to lie. So she decided to stay quiet. ''I know.'' he whispered as he affectionately put a hand on her shoulder. It amazed him that JJ didn't even flinch. ''Portland is the place where this all started.'' he said, knowing exactly what she was thinking. But Jason Holmes still lived in Portland. And Portland was also the place where JJ's nightmare started.

''Let's go!'' he said.

JJ followed him into the hallways of the hospital, hoping she could really do this. But she needed to. She didn't have a choice. Julia died because of something she didn't do. She knew her guilt would ultimately push her anyway.

* * *

After a three hour drive, Hotch finally pulled up in front of a small suburban home. The house looked like a place where great memories were treasured. It gave a comfortable feeling. JJ already knew that this place held the memories of Julia before she went missing. It was a part of her, she never knew. But now she was going to be confronted with it. As JJ followed Hotch from the car to the front door, she saw images of Julia's face flash before her eyes. Her presence is what got JJ through the past six years of her life. It was what she needed to stay alive in those last two years without her. But even JJ knew that the last two years of her capture were the worst. She had given up completely. She had surrendered after Julia's death, hoping no one else would get hurt due to her actions.

Hotch knocked on the door, which caused JJ to refocus. Hotch waited patiently when he heard someone on the other side of the door. He knew exactly what this man had been going through for the past six years. Only Hotch was lucky enough that JJ was still alive. Julia's faith was far different. And it broke Hotch to do this with JJ by his side.

''Hello.'' Jason Holmes greeted curiously. ''How can I help you?''

''Sir, I am agent Hotchner. I am with the FBI.'' Hotch explained kindly. ''This is…'' he began to say, but Jason interrupted him.

''You're Jennifer Jareau.'' he said, finishing the sentence. ''I remember you because you went missing the same day as Julia.''

''Yes, I am.'' JJ said, her body shaking slightly as she looked at the man who Julia told her so much about. He was everything Julia described. ''I knew your fiancé, Jason.''

Jason stepped aside to let them into his house. It was the house that once belonged to Julia as well. ''You made it out?'' he asked, fearing for what he was about to hear.

''I did.'' JJ answered.

''Sir, I think you should sit down for a moment.'' Hotch requested.

Jason saw the tears appearing in JJ's eyes and in that moment he just knew. ''When did it happen?'' he asked as a tear ran down his cheek.

JJ took a seat across from him when he body was weakened a bit. ''She died two years ago.'' JJ replied. ''I'm so sorry.''

''I can't believe this.'' Jason cried out. ''I never gave up hope. I thought that one day, she would just walk into the living room and tell me she lost her way, but she came back.''

''I know how hard this is for you, Jason. And I am sorry for your loss.'' Hotch added. He wanted to let JJ speak as much as possible. It was what she wanted.

''What happened? Who took her? Who killed her?''

''JJ has provided us with a statement and the names of the people who killed her.'' Hotch answered.

JJ saw all the question marks appear on his face and she wanted to answer them all, but she knew some were best to keep secret. ''When I was abducted…'' JJ stumbled, going back to where it all began. ''Julia was already there. I was just a victim of opportunity.'' she went on. ''We became best friends. We told each other everything during our captivity. We shared our nightmares and we talked about you.''

''What did she say about me?''

''Well, one day she asked me to give you a message if she wouldn't make it.'' JJ started. ''She wanted you to know how much she loved you. And that you have her the strength to go on. She told me you were the absolute love of her life.'' JJ croaked out with tears in her eyes. ''She said that she wished she married you the first time you set a date, because she didn't want to go another minute without being your husband.''

Jason covered his face with his hands. The tears were streaming down his face. He finally had some closure, but it just didn't seem to help in any way.

''I could tell how much she loved you, Jason. It was on her face when she talked about you. She had a sparkle in her eye. It was real.''

''What happened to you when you were there? Wherever you were.'' he added.

JJ sighed deeply. She looked at Hotch, who gave her a nod to continue. ''We were held in something that worked like a brothel.''

''Oh my god.'' he exclaimed. ''How did you get out?''

''The FBI found me about five days ago after a witness came forward.'' JJ answered.

Jason looked at JJ. He saw the bruises on her body. They seemed to be everywhere. They had faded, but it still scared him. ''Did that happen to Julia?'' he asked with horror.

JJ immediately shook her head. ''The man who did this to me was only interested in me. He never laid a hand on her. I promise.''

''Is there anyone who we can call for you?'' Hotch asked politely when a silence fell.

''No, thank you. Julia's mother died three years ago and her father left them when Julia was younger. There's no one left.''

''I'm really sorry.'' JJ said again. ''I know this must sound weird, but I miss her so much.''

''I believe you. And I am sorry about what happened to you.'' Jason said as he made eye contact with the blonde across from him. It was the first time he really looked at her eyes. Her bright blue eyes were filled with horror, regret and a surprising warmth. It sent a shiver down his spine and he realized JJ had been in the same hell as the woman he loved dearly. JJ was the only thing he had left who was his connection to his fiancé in her last four years.

JJ turned to Hotch, noticing some impatience in his body language. JJ knew these things normally didn't take this long. And she knew Hotch was being protective of her, but she needed some privacy. ''Hotch, could we have a moment together?'' she asked Hotch carefully.

''Of course.'' he agreed. ''I'll wait for you outside.'' he stated before leaving the room. He didn't want JJ to be all alone with someone. This conversation could only cause another break down and that was the last thing she needed. Every moment could cause her to have a flashback. Hotch had already seen some signs of PTSD in JJ. He knew she was going into therapy, but he wondered if it would ever be enough for her to heal.

''He cares about you.'' Jason noticed.

''Probably.'' JJ agreed, knowing that he did. ''Is there anything else you want to know?''

Jason thought he couldn't stand to hear what happened to Julia, but he knew it was important to know. She was his entire world. Nothing would ever change that. ''Did she suffer?'' he asked. ''Please be honest! I just need to know.'' he begged.

''She did. I am sorry.'' JJ apologized before she gave an explanation. ''I was there when she died.''

''How did she die?''

''They beat her first and then they shot her. But she didn't feel a thing when she was shot.'' JJ replied quickly, getting the hard subject out of the way.

''I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.'' he said kindly. JJ was like a breath of fresh air. She was honest and she didn't lie to him. It reminded him of Julia. ''You already remind me of her. It's like you could be her sister.'' he commented.

''What do you mean?''

Jason swallowed before replying. ''Julia was honest, caring and she had this presence around her. It always surprised me.'' he explained.

''She was a great person. I wish I could've saved her, but there wasn't anything I could do for her.''

''How are you holding up?''

JJ felt like crying all over again. Jason was really the person Julia described him to be. He barely knew her and he still worried about her. ''I'm hanging in there.''

''Is there anyone you can talk to?''

JJ shook her head. Well, there were people she could talk to but there wasn't anyone she felt comfortable talking to. ''Not really.''

''If you ever want to talk you can call me.'' he suggested. ''Or I could call you.''

''Of course.'' JJ said, rising from the chair. She expected that question. She had written down her number in the hospital. So she passed him a piece of paper with the number to her parents house. ''I'll be going back to East Allegheny tonight, but feel free to call me.'' she explained sadly. ''I should go. I think Hotch is worried about me.''

''Thank you.'' he whispered.

JJ stopped at the door and turned to Jason. ''Goodbye.'' she whispered. ''Stay strong, Jason.''

Jason unexpectedly pulled JJ into a hug. He saw Hotch warn him from a distance, but JJ didn't push him away. '''Thanks again.'' he whispered.

JJ pulled away in shock. His sudden embrace didn't scare her and that was something she didn't expect.

JJ made her way to the SUV where Hotch opened the door for her. He climbed in as well and waited to start the car. He turned to JJ, who still looked rather emotional.

''I gave him my number.'' she announced.

''Do you think it was really a good idea to give him your number?'' he asked.

''Hotch!'' JJ begged. ''I am the only person who knows what happened to the woman he loved. If roles were reversed, wouldn't you ask for the same?''

Hotch sighed deeply, knowing she was right. ''Yes, I would.'' he admitted.

''We should go. I want to have enough time to say goodbye to everyone.'' she stated as she looked out the window.

Hotch knew these were the last hours he was going to spent with her and it broke his heart into pieces. He didn't want to say goodbye to her. He couldn't stand to lose her again. Not after everything he had gone through. It just didn't seem fair. His life wasn't fair.


	24. Chapter 23

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

Special thanks to samcarter1980 and jenny crum!

And thanks to CriminalCrazy for being my beta!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 23: No words**

Not a word was said after Hotch and JJ arrived back at the hospital. JJ had a final check up before she was actually saying goodbye. Her mind was spinning when the doctor talked to her and she barely heard a thing. Her parents were present during the entire conversation and even they noticed JJ's absence. But they weren't ready to let their daughter go and tell Hotch he was right. They couldn't admit that they didn't have the ability to help their own daughter heal. But the question was if anyone had that ability in them. Maybe there was one person out there who could. And Sandy Jareau knew it had to be Aaron Hotchner. She had seen it in the way he talked about her. His love for her was eternal. It was something she had never seen before. But she still wanted to take her daughter home, afraid of losing her otherwise.

JJ turned to her parents after the doctor left. ''I need some time to say goodbye.'' she said, her eyes already tearing up.

''Of course.'' Bill said. ''We'll wait for you by the car. But we have to leave in twenty minutes.'' he added quickly.

''Thanks.'' JJ murmured as her parents left the room.

Her heart was beating a mile a minute. It was really happening now. She didn't want to do this, but it was the team deserved. They never stopped looking and they really used to be her family. Maybe they still were, but she just didn't know for now. It was all just too much to consider. The goodbye was already more than she anticipated. She didn't expect to feel so bad about it. She knew Julia would run to Jason if she had the chance. And why wasn't JJ running to Hotch? Why wasn't she in his arms? But as she asked the questions, she knew she wouldn't never be the same person. She didn't know if she was capable of loving someone as deeply as she used to love Hotch. That thought scared her more than anything.

The door the room opened and she saw Penelope peaking into the room. ''Come in.'' JJ said as best as she knew how.

She saw Penelope, Emily, Derek, Reid and Hotch walking into the room. They all stopped close to her bed. Except Hotch. He kept a noticeable distance.

''When do you have to leave?'' Emily asked to break the tension.

JJ looked her in the eye. ''In twenty minutes.'' she replied with regret. ''I just wanted to thank you all for your ongoing work on the case.''

Derek felt the anger rise when he heard JJ talk to them like they were just some agents. He knew they were more than that, but he just didn't want to explode in front of JJ. ''There's no thanks needed, JJ.'' he started. ''You're our friend. You're my sister!''

His words made her cry. He was right. They still were her family. But she was afraid to admit it. She was scared of opening up to people. She couldn't let anyone in or else she might get hurt again. ''I know.'' she whispered. ''I'm so sorry.''

Reid walked to the bed and took her hand in his. He never showed much emotion, but JJ just seemed to pull it out of him in that moment. ''Don't apologize. Please don't!'' Reid begged. ''You didn't chose any of this. And we'll support every decision you make!''

''Yes, we do!'' Penelope reassured with a overbearing voice.

''He's right.'' Emily agreed as she looked at Reid.

JJ turned her gaze to Hotch who just stared at her. He looked like he was about to fall to the floor.

Hotch looked at JJ and he just couldn't agree with the team. He couldn't. ''I'm sorry. I can't do this.'' he explained before leaving the room.

JJ's body reacted to the collision of the door. Her face saddened, but she realized she still had people who deserved a goodbye no matter what was going on with her and Hotch. ''I am going to miss you guys.'' JJ cried out.

''Are you up for a group hug, JJ?'' Penelope asked with tears in her eyes.

''Always, Pen.''

JJ stepped from the bed and walked into the arms of her friends. She didn't feel scared. She just felt overwhelmed. It had been so long since she had felt that kind of love around her. She felt them pull her closer. After a couple of seconds she pulled away, wiping away the tears. ''I don't want to say too much.'' she began. ''It will only make things harder.''

''I know, baby girl.'' Derek agreed, taking a step backwards. ''I'll go and get Hotch for you. I think he's the one who should be with you in the last couple of minutes.''

JJ looked around the room, hoping no one would figure out what he meant. But the faces around her said enough.

''We know.'' Reid and Penelope said in unison. ''It's fine.'' Reid added.

Derek turned around one last time before leaving the room. ''Be careful, JJ. And take care. Call me. Text me! Whatever you need, I'll be there for you.''

''Thanks, Derek.'' JJ said as he disappeared into the hallway.

''I guess it's my turn.'' Reid called out. ''Promise that you won't forget us!'' he ordered.

JJ flew into his embrace. His small frame was barely able to hold himself up when she collided in his arms. ''I promise.'' she whispered.

After Reid had left JJ was really crying. She saw that Emily and Penelope were joining her. ''Visit me?'' JJ asked.

''Of course!'' Penelope exclaimed.

''We will.'' Emily added.

''Thank you for not giving up on me. Your friendships mean the world to me.'' JJ said.

''Never.'' Emily whispered. ''No one ever did, JJ. Especially Hotch. You should really talk to him.'' Emily hinted.

''I will.'' she promised. She looked at the door that opened. Hotch appeared again. He seemed to have calmed down a bit. ''I'll miss you two so much!''

The tree of them went into another hug as Hotch watched. He felt his heart break as they all pulled away with tears. He saw Emily and Penelope turning to the door without looking back, knowing it was too hard for them.

JJ turned around to Hotch after the door closed. ''Thanks for coming!''

''I would never leave without saying goodbye to you.'' he replied. ''I hope you know that.''

''Of course I do.''

''Do you?'' he asked with disappointment. ''Because I feel like you don't even trust me.''

''You're right. I don't trust you!'' she said angrily. ''I don't trust anyone right now, Aaron. That has nothing to do with you.'' she said turning away from him, trying to hide her tears.

''I know it was hell for you, JJ.'' he whispered. ''But it was hell for me to.''

JJ didn't respond to him at all. ''You were in my head every single second. I couldn't stop wondering where you were. It consumed me.''

She finally turned around. ''I get that it was hard for you. But there are so many things that happened to me that I haven't even talked about yet.'' she started. ''I know I need to get better and move on. I need to talk about the past six years, but right now I just can't. I'm not ready for it.''

''I understand.''

''Do you think we can ever erase our past? I mean, come back from it?''

''Yes, I think you can.'' he answered. He looked at his watch, realizing the minutes were passing by quickly. He only had a couple of minutes left and he didn't know what to say or do.

JJ leaned against the wall behind her, trying not cry anymore. She felt like she had never cries so much before. It felt to crazy to her. ''What are you doing?'' she asked as Hotch was slowly approaching her.

He looked into her beautiful blue eyes as he moved forward to her. He stopped in front of her as he let his hand go through her hair. He cupped her face with one of his hands.

JJ could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin. She felt her heart pounding when he started to lean in. And then finally his lips brushed against her so softly. His arms slipped around her waist, pulling her closer.

He didn't hold her too tightly, trying to not scare her away. But he kept the kiss short. He pulled away after she lightly responded. It was even more than he could have hoped for. Her lips still felt the same. Her touch still made him go weak. And the feeling was burnt into his mind.

''You should go.'' JJ whispered as her hand touched her lips. It was like she tried to feel it that really happened. The sensation surprised her. She never thought it would feel remotely like it did six years ago. But it did.

He still had a hand on her waist. ''Be safe, JJ.'' he started. ''I'll miss you like crazy.'' he ended, finally pulling away.

He walked to the door and he turned around one last time. He just looked at her, trying to remember everything about her. But he knew he would. He did it for the past couple of years. It was more than enough experience for him. ''I love you.''

''I know.'' JJ whispered before he walked out of the room.

JJ dropped to the ground when he was gone. Her head rested in her hands as the tears came falling down. She didn't expect it go like that. She never thought she could feel a part of what she felt such a long time ago.


	25. Chapter 24

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited or followed this story!

And thanks to CriminalCrazy for being my beta!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 24: Standing up**

January 21st 2013

Hotch angrily closed his laptop. It had been two months since he had last seen and spoken to JJ. There hadn't been a call or email. He had tried to call her multiple times, but it didn't seem to help at all. He knew that the rest of the team also hadn't been in contact with JJ. Hotch was worrying every single day. Now he realized that knowing where she was didn't even help him move on. He couldn't concentrate on his work. His mind was with JJ every single second.

Emily walked passed Hotch's office. She saw he was just staring off into the distance. He had been like that every single day. She decided to step inside with his permission. He didn't even flinch. ''Hotch?'' she asked in a whisper.

Hotch looked up at the brunette who had decided to rejoin the team after they left Seattle. Blake's husband had a job offer she couldn't refuse, which gave Emily a spot at the BAU. At first it took a lot of convincing, but he knew it wouldn't be a mistake. ''Is your consult done?''

Emily shook her head she approached his desk. She sat down in one of the chairs. ''Are you alright?''

''I'm fine.'' he lied easily, realizing Emily knew him better.

''I know I haven't seen you in a long time before I came back, but I know you Hotch. You're not fine.'' she began. ''You haven't been yourself in the past six years and no one will ever blame you for that. JJ just needs some time.''

Hotch felt like yelling in anger. Not Emily. But at the world. How did everything get so messed up? ''How much time?''

''I don't know.'' she answered.

''I am just wondering if anything was ever real to her.'' Hotch questioned, hoping Emily could put those thoughts at rest.

''Hotch, JJ loved you. Of course it was real to her.''

''She loved me! That's the point. I don't know what she feels for me now. I might be waiting for something that will never happen anyway.''

''We all wear masks, Hotch. I think JJ needs someone to remind her that she has people who love her.'' she started. ''She might not believe it at first. But I truly believe that's what she needs right now.''

Hotch suddenly rose from his chair. He put on his coat and turned to Emily. ''You're right!''

Emily was shocked by his sudden reaction. ''Where are you going?''

''I'm going to East Allegheny.'' he answered. ''Do you want come with me?''

''You should go alone. But say hi to JJ for me.''

''I will, Em.'' he said with a thankful expression.

Emily couldn't help but smile. He was still fighting for the girl he loved. That brought shivers to her body. Hotch's love was loyal and deep. ''Good luck!''

''Thank you.'' Hotch said before storming out of the office.

* * *

The ride to East Allegheny was filled with doubts and hesitation. Hotch just needed reassurance that JJ was safe and doing well. It wasn't like JJ to not make contact after she promised to do so, and that was the one that worried Hotch the most. His calls always went straight to voicemail. Not even JJ's parents picked up her phone.

After a four hour drive Hotch finally pulled up in front of JJ's childhood home. It looked like every house in the neighborhood. The big front yard led to the porch. Hotch stepped from the SUV and made his way to the front door. He had seen a car in the driveway. It meant that someone had to be home. He rang the bell two times before he heard movement on the other side of the door. He saw a shocked Sandy Jareau on the other side of the door.

''Age…agent Hotchner?'' she stuttered. ''What are you doing here?''

Hotch saw the fear on her face. ''I'm here to visit JJ. I've been calling and mailing for the past two months, but I haven't heard anything. I'm worried.'' he explained.

Sandy stepped in the middle of the doorway, stopping Hotch from entering her home. ''JJ is out with a friend right now. She won't home until tonight.''

''First of all, I know you're lying.'' he analyzed. ''And JJ told me she didn't have any friends in her hometown.''

''I…I…'' Sandy stumbled.

''Where is JJ?''

''She's upstairs.'' Sandy answered.

Hotch carefully pushed his way into the house. He ran up the stairs and opened the first door to his right. It was empty. He moved on to the door on the left. He gently opened the door. He walked into the room and he didn't see anyone. He inspected the room and he suddenly heard a sound coming from behind the door. It was a soft cry and he his sense remembered that sound. He would never forget JJ's cries. They were still stuck in his head. He closed the door, revealing a scared JJ.

JJ looked up from the floor. There hadn't been any visitors since the first night she came home. Every sound in the house scared her. Every voice made her flinch. Her head was in overdrive every single second of the day. She couldn't close her eyes for a moment or she would relive the rapes she went through.

Hotch froze when he looked into her eyes. She looked even worse than two months ago. Her face was pale and she looked exhausted. Even though the bruises had disappeared, her condition was worse. She looked more scared than before. And her eyes. God, those eyes killed him. They were empty. He couldn't find a trace of JJ in the person he saw in front of him.

''JJ?'' Hotch asked. He turned around when he heard a knock on the door. He didn't even pay a attention to the person who walked in. He was so angry. He knew JJ's parents weren't capable of giving JJ was she so desperately needed.

''Is everything alright?'' Sandy asked softly, standing behind Hotch.

JJ wasn't responding to Hotch or her mother. Hotch turned to Sandy. ''What the hell happened to her?''

''We tried to help her, but she wouldn't let us. She hasn't been talking to any of us.'' Sandy said defensively.

''There has to be a reason because JJ was doing better when she was still in the hospital.'' he said angrily. ''What happened?'' he repeated.

''We threw her a surprise party when she came back home. An old friend of us approached JJ from behind and lifted her up.'' Sandy answered.

''I can't believe you!'' Hotch said. He wanted to yell at the woman, but JJ was still in the room with them. ''Your daughter needed more from you. I explained to you that she wouldn't get better magically.''

''JJ's behavior is the reason why we wanted no involvement a year after she disappeared. We were afraid that we would never get out real daughter back!'' Sandy yelled out, realizing the mistake she made when Hotch's expression changed.

''Your daughter has been fighting for six years to stay alive!'' Hotch yelled. He couldn't stop his rage any longer. JJ's parents had gone way too far. This was just the last straw. ''You don't deserve to have her in your life!''

JJ overheard the entire conversation. She had never seen Hotch so angry with anyone and she wished he would stop. But when she heard her mother's comment, her heart broke into pieces. She never knew her own parents gave up. But that wasn't the worst of it all. Her own mother actually thought she chose what happened to her. ''Aaron?'' JJ called out.

Hotch immediately turned around when he heard her voice. He saw that JJ was trying to stand up, but she probably didn't have enough energy to do it by herself. Hotch tried to help but JJ cringed. ''I am not going to hurt you, JJ.'' he promised.

JJ barely looked at him. She couldn't face him. She was too terrified. Her body was weak and her mind was replaying her trauma over and over again. ''Don't.'' she warned, knowing she couldn't deal with a single touch.

JJ took some time to get up on her own, but she did it. She ignored Hotch and stopped in front of her mother. She needed to say what she thought. Even if it was the last thing she would ever say to her.

''Are you okay?'' Sandy asked.

JJ looked into her eyes. ''Are you kidding me?'' JJ mumbled.

''No, I just want to know how you're doing.''

''This is the first time I've actually seen you in four days. You avoid me every chance you get. You don't even care!'' JJ yelled as hard as she could. ''You're just trying to cover your own ass because someone from the FBI is here.'' she added, but she was far from done. ''You stopped caring about me after a year? What kind of parent does that?''

''We thought we would never see you again, JJ! You should consider that!'' Sandy yelled back.

JJ tried to keep her balance the best she could. Her body was weak and she knew her legs couldn't hold her much longer. ''Don't use a defense with me!'' she said. ''Not after everything I've seen an been through. That's not fair. I shouldn't have to explain myself to my own mother.''

''JJ, please!'' Sandy begged. ''Don't be mad!''

JJ couldn't believe her mother was actually pleading for her forgiveness. ''I can't even look at you. Let alone talk to you!'' JJ began to explain. ''Everything it came down to was faith, but you couldn't even try. Could you?''

''It was too hard. We lost one daughter and we couldn't hold onto hope. We did the same with Rachel and it didn't work.''

''I don't want an explanation.'' JJ started. ''I was hoping that you would at least try to understand my side in all of this.'' she went on. ''And if you want to know how I am you should just ask!'' she yelled out. ''I am ripped apart. Okay!''

''JJ…'' Sandy began, but JJ interrupted.

''I'm not going to give you closure. I am not going to understand you and I sure as hell won't talk to you again.'' JJ said, turning to Hotch.

Hotch just stood by and let it all happen. He felt proud of JJ. She showed her mother exactly what she thought and that was amazing to watch. ''You can stay with me.'' Hotch suggested immediately.

''Okay.'' JJ agreed, dropping to the floor. All her energy was really gone.

Hotch helped JJ up again, supporting her. Hotch heard JJ's mother yelling frantically as he helped JJ out of the house, but he ignored her. JJ needed a lot more right now and he hoped he could give it to her. But this was just a start of it all.


	26. Chapter 25

A/N: I am so sorry you all had to wait for an update. But here it is. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, jenny crum, Westie80 (samcarter1980) and Criminalmindsfan!

And an amazing thanks to my friend CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 25: Coming home**

A shiver went down JJ's spine as she walked into the unfamiliar apartment that belonged to her former lover and friend. The ride home had been filled with tension and somewhere deep down JJ even felt scared. When she was in the hospital she seemed to feel better than she did now. Every single night her past would come back to haunt her in the form of nightmares. Not to mention that she was afraid of anyone who came to close to her. A single touch brought her back to the worst part of her life. She knew Hotch never meant to hurt her, but at the moment she couldn't trust anyone.

Hotch closed the door behind them and stepped next to JJ. He watched her as she inspected the living room. He wanted her to feel like she was home, but he knew that would take some time. ''I know this must be uncomfortable for you JJ so I understand if you want to stay with one of the girls.'' he stated in a whisper, trying not to scare her.

''Girls?'' JJ asked as she turned around to face him. ''Emily is back?''

Hotch knew Emily's return must have been a shock to her. But on the other hand it wouldn't be since JJ hadn't been home for the past six years. ''Yeah, she's been back for six weeks.'' he replied in a whisper. ''Do you want to take a shower? Eat something? Sleep?'' he rambled on.

JJ froze in her spot in front of the couch and just stared ahead while Hotch kept talking. She was barely hearing him. She was somewhere else with her head and Hotch's ran seemed to have taken on a life of its own. ''Jack.'' JJ mumbled when she noticed a picture of the boy with his father. ''When was this taken?'' JJ asked as she grabbed the frame.

''Dave took it when we were at his soccer practice. That was about seven months ago.''

JJ swallowed the lump back into her throat. The picture confronted her with what she could have had if the past six years never happened. She might have had a family and a loving husband. It might not have been Hotch, but that didn't matter. All her choices were taken away from her. She had no real decision to make. It all just happened and everything she once was, was taken away from her in a second.

Hotch knew JJ's emotions were piling up and she had no place to put them. But he wanted to listen and to help her. ''Say it.'' he pleaded, his voice tender and soft. ''You can say it.''

''Nothing I'll say will make me feel better, Aaron!'' she said firmly. ''Nothing will ever erase the pain I am feeling.''

''I know.''

''Then why are you asking me?'' she said while she finally turned around to face him. ''I just don't know how to do this.'' she whispered into the air. ''I don't know how to get over this.'' she said as the tears were welling in her eyes.

Hotch carefully approached JJ. He stopped a few inches in front of her and put one hand on her arms. He felt her flinch for a moment, but it only took a couple of seconds for JJ to relax under his touch. ''You'll find a way.'' he encouraged. ''We will find a way.''

The intensity in his voice sent a shiver through her body. He meant it. But she just didn't know if she could believe it. She didn't know how she could ever survive her inner struggles. ''I already missed out on so much.''

''You can still have a life, JJ. You can still grow old, get married, buy a house and have kids. It's all possible.'' he said softly.

''I know.'' she agreed. ''But those were choices I was supposed to make as they came into my life. And all those choices were taken from me. How can I ever deal with that?''

''We'll get Hicks, JJ.'' Hotch promised. ''He won't get away with what he did. I promise you that.''

JJ believed him. But she still feared the possibilities of Steven Hicks running free. She would never feel safe until he was dead. There were moment when she imagined what it would be like to kill him but then she realized she wasn't that kind of person. ''I hope so.'' she whispered.

''I promise you, JJ.'' he repeated, gently pulling her into his embrace. He felt her body trembling in his strong hold and he wished he could take away every ounce of pain she was feeling. ''I will never leave your side. I just want you to know that.''

JJ felt her panic subside once she was in his embrace. He was able to take some of her pain away and that enough of a consolation in that moment. ''Thank you.''

Hotch felt JJ pulling away and he let her go without even thinking about it. ''Do you want to eat something?''

''Yeah, I am actually pretty hungry.'' she answered as she followed Hotch into the kitchen. His house was filled with warmth. JJ could feel it the moment she walked inside. It fitted him perfectly. ''Can you still make that wonderful pasta?'' she questioned, remembering one of the happiest times of her life.

Hotch turned to JJ when he realized what she was talking about. ''Oh my god!'' he exclaimed. ''You're actually mocking me!''

''I am.'' JJ agreed with a small smile on her face. ''That pasta sucked, Aaron. You were never a good cook.''

''I know.'' he began. ''I remember you almost threw up and when you the first bite.''

''Yeah, and we ended up ordering a pizza when you realized it tasted so bad. At first you didn't believe me.''

Hotch opened the fridge. ''You always had bad taste in food and I thought I could make a good dish. But it turned out as a disaster.'' he said. ''You killed my self confidence that day, you know.''

''Self confidence?'' she laughed. ''From the looks of it, you still have it.''

''I missed this, JJ.'' Hotch said, knowing he was getting more serious. ''For six years I had to miss out on these kind of moments with you.''

JJ stayed silent and her smile was suddenly gone. She knew exactly what Hotch was talking about. She had wondered thousands of times what it would have been like if she never disappeared. Maybe they would've been married by now with a little brother or sister for Jack. Their lives would be great and filled with happiness. In the couple months before her disappearance she got to experience what life was like with him. They certainly had their struggles but they always managed to be happy. They were each other's escapes from the real world where serial killers took over their lives.

''I've always wondered what life would be like if you hadn't vanished that day.'' he added. ''Maybe we can still have that live one day.''

''Aaron…'' JJ began but he interrupted her.

''I know what you're going to say.'' he breathed out.

''I don't want to hurt you.'' she started. ''But I'm nothing like the person I used to be. And I can't think about the future right now. If I am going to survive this, I need to think about right now.''

''I understand.''

''I'm sorry. But I'm not capable to being that person to you. I might never be.''

''Okay.'' he agreed, but on the inside he didn't agree. He knew JJ was right. Her comment wasn't a rejection. She was just being honest and fair. But deep down he knew there still was a possibility for him and JJ. He would never give up the hope that they would one day find their way back to one another. He knew that chance still existed.


	27. Chapter 26

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Westie80, jenny crum and Christiangirl (Thank you so much for reviewing every single chapter! I can't believe you took the time to do it.)

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 26: Interruption**

June 18th 2006

Hotch sat in his office, finishing the last files for the evening. It had been a rough couple of weeks. One case had taken over two and half weeks of their lives. It didn't help that the victims were all blondes around JJ's age which caused him to worry about her every single second. But JJ kept Hotch at a distance during the case. They promised each other to never spent time together while they were away on cases. If the team ever found out they were going to be in big trouble. There was a possibility that they both could lose their jobs. He hadn't seen JJ in a couple of hours and he knew the rest of the team went home. He decided to give them some free time before another case was going to need their attention.

Hotch could no longer resist his urges to see the beautiful blonde so he rose from the chair and left his office without a doubt. He quietly made his way through the bullpen and into the hallway where JJ's office was around the corner. He noticed that the door was open. He peaked around the door to see JJ with her head in a case file. He knew that look. Her muscles were tense which meant she was looking over a horrifying case. He hated to see that face on her but it was what came with their jobs. There was no way he could ever change that.

''Hi.'' he greeted in a whisper, trying not to scare her but he realized his attempts didn't work when she almost jumped from her chair.

''Hotch!'' she called out. ''You scared the hell out of me.''

''I can see that.'' he noticed. ''What are you still doing here? I told everyone to go home.''

''I know.'' she said as she met his gaze. He looked at her with lust and desire and it caused a shiver to go through her body. ''You're still here.''

''Only because you are.'' he hinted. ''I missed you, JJ.''

JJ rose from her chair to meet him halfway. As always her heart was racing because she was so close to him. ''I know you did.'' she said, knowing he kept a close eye on her during the case. ''But I can take care of myself. You shouldn't worry about me like you did for the past couple of weeks.''

''Do you expect me to do differently?''

She shook her head. ''No, of course not. But I can take care of myself, Aaron.'' she tried to explain as the expression on his face was changing. ''What?'' she asked.

''You called me Aaron.'' he pointed out.

''Oh, I am sorry.'' she apologized immediately. ''I didn't meant to do that.'' she added as a smile appeared on his face.

''Don't be sorry, JJ.'' Hotch said immediately to assure her. ''It's just the first time that you called me Aaron and it sounds so good when I hear you say my name like that. I love it.''

''You do?''

Hotch put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. His hands were roaming around her body as he claimed her lips for a fiery kiss. As always their lips molded together in perfection. They were made for one another and that feeling was reignited every time they kissed. ''This seems familiar.'' he whispered against her neck.

JJ took a step backwards. ''It is. We can't do this here. Again!'' she stated but Hotch pulled her against him once more. She got lost in the sensation and forgot her own arguments before she even had the chance to put them into words.

''I missed you so much.'' he panted, unbuttoning JJ's blouse and throwing it to the floor.

JJ felt Hotch push her against the wall. He covered her body with his own and pressed into her. She knew what was about to happen and she wasn't going to stop it. She never could since the first night they spent together. But as the adrenaline was pumping through her veins she still thought about his married status and the fact that he had a family. Sometimes she wondered if they ever had a real shot at a relationship and in those moments she tried to distance herself from him but it never lasted. She told herself she didn't want to be alone. That it was better to be with him now than to waste the precious moments they could still share together.

The movement of JJ's skirt falling to her ankles pulled her from the thoughts that were racing through her mind. She didn't want to have the same discussion with Hotch but she needed to know what he wanted and what was going to happen after the baby was born.

Hotch felt JJ freeze under his touch so he broke away from the kiss and took a step back. He realized she wasn't herself. ''What is it, JJ?'' he asked with worry. ''Did I do something wrong?''

''Oh, no. Never.'' she reassured as she zipped up her skirt and moved to the other side of her office to get her blouse. She quickly put it on and finally turned to him. ''I am just wondering when this is going to stop.''

''What do you mean?''

''Hotch,'' she started as she still needed to find the words before she spoke. ''I don't know how much farther I am willing to go with this.''

He got the clue when he saw the expressed sadness on her face. He hated it when she doubted their relationship. ''You want to end this?''

''No.'' she admitted. ''But I hate being this person. The woman who's breaking up a marriage.'' JJ explained.

''I know.''

''I care about you, Hotch.'' she lied. She didn't care about him. She loved him. She had fallen for her married boss. ''But I think we should really consider this before we let anything else happen because you need to think about Haley and your unborn child.''

''I don't know what to say, JJ.''

She saw that Hotch was at a loss for words. ''Please, say something.'' she begged.

And at that exact moment his phone went off. He pulled it from his pocket with annoyance and he read the 911 text from Haley. His mouth fell open and he turned to the door and was ready to walk out until JJ stopped him.

''Where are you going?''

He turned to her. ''Haley is in labor.'' he answered. ''I have to go now.''

''Yeah, of course.''

Hotch put a gentle kiss on her head. ''We'll talk about this later.'' he promised before leaving her office.

As he walked to the elevator he realized for the very first time how badly he screwed up. He could see that his relationship with JJ was taking its toll on her. She had been doubting their actions for a very long time but today her doubts seemed to be worse than ever. It was a feeling he didn't want to have and he was actually considering to let her go. He never thought about it before but it seemed like the right thing for them both. But he knew he couldn't once he held her in his arms again.


	28. Chapter 27

A/N: Here's next chapter! I hope everyone is still enjoying this story. I don't know exactly where this is going but I do have some things in mind. I will try to update more frequently.

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Westie80, jenny crum, Twilightangell and Whiitewolf!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 27: The next step**

January 25th 2013

Days passed by while Hotch and JJ continued to live in the same apartment together. Hotch noticed that JJ was slowly pulling away from him again. He barely saw her because she locked herself in the guest room every chance she got. He didn't know how he could get her to open up to him. He felt like a failure. He loved JJ so much but somehow he wasn't able to help her. She was back but it seemed like she was still gone. Part of her soul seemed to be missing. But there were small moments when he recognized the bubbly girl he fell head over heels in love with. It were in those moments that he felt like JJ had a fighting chance to get through her past.

Hotch made lunch for JJ. He told her minutes ago that it was ready but apparently she didn't listen. So he slowly made his way to the guest room. He stopped in front of the door with doubt. He promised JJ that he wouldn't come into her room but he hadn't seen her in a couple of hours and he was worried sick about the blonde. He finally knocked on the door and he heard no sound coming from the other side of the door. He turned the knob and carefully opened the door. ''JJ?'' he asked in a whisper. He noticed that all the curtains were closed. JJ was in the bed, laying on her side with her back turned towards him. ''JJ?''

She didn't respond to his voice. She felt terrible and she didn't want him to see her like this. She wasn't doing good at all. But she knew he wasn't going to let it go. She opened her eyes and pulled herself up in the bed. The tears were still stinging in her eyes as she looked him. Her vision was blurry but she could still see the worry on his face.

''JJ.'' he said emphatically, his voice soft and tender. ''What happened?'' he asked as he sat down on the edge of bed. He still left enough distance between them for JJ to be comfortable enough. ''Talk to me.'' he pleaded when she didn't respond again.

She looked up into his eyes and a comfort washed over her. He made her feel safe again and she wished she could feel like that without his presence. ''He's everywhere, Hotch.'' she cried out. ''I can't get him out my head.''

''Steven Hicks?''

''Yeah.'' she replied as the sobs kept coming. ''I don't feel safe anywhere.''

''You're safe here, JJ. No one can get to you. I will always protect you.'' he whispered softly as he moved closer to her. He carefully put his arm around her and JJ flew into his embrace. As her body was trembling in his arms, Hotch wondered how JJ could possibly get over her past. She looked absolutely terrified every second of the day and he didn't know if he could ever take that away.

''I can't sleep without waking up because I had a nightmare.'' she cried out. ''I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't think I'll ever get past this.''

''JJ, I need you to calm down.'' Hotch pleaded softly, hoping she would get some kind of comfort from his embrace. ''Panic will only make this worse. I'm here and I won't hurt you.''

JJ looked into his eyes and she realized it was time for her to talk about what happened. She had to get it out. Someone had to know or else she wouldn't survive the pain that was taking her over. ''I want to talk.'' she breathed out.

''You do?''

''I think it's time for this.'' she replied. ''And you deserve to know everything, Hotch. And I feel like I'm able to trust you.''

''Okay,'' he agreed. ''Do you want to go somewhere?'' he suggested. ''It might be good for you to get out of the house. We could go to the BAU. I think the team would be very happy to see you, JJ. They've all been talking about you.''

''Sure, that sounds great.'' she said, rising from the bed. She saw that Hotch stood up as well. She turned around to face him. ''Let me change first!''

''Yeah, I'll see you in a moment.''

''Yeah.'' she whispered.

* * *

Hotch and JJ left his apartment after she changed into some fresh clothes. They were already in the car. Hotch kept his attention on the road as JJ was exploring the streets. It seemed like nothing had changed in the years she had been gone. DC was still busy and the traffic was overwhelming as always. For the first time she felt like she was home again. She always knew that DC was the one place that felt like home. She never had that feeling anywhere else. It was right.

JJ turned around and started to stare at Hotch. He was so focused on the road that he didn't even notice her staring. ''The city hasn't changed much.'' she stated to break the long silence.

Hotch gazed at her for a moment. ''I know.'' he agreed. ''How does it feel?''

''It's weird. It feels like I never left but on the other hand it's like I arrived home from a very long holiday. I honestly don't know how to feel about it.'' she said, noticing they were driving through the neighborhood she used to live. She could still remember the small but cozy apartment she rented.

''Do you recognize this?'' Hotch asked when he saw a change of expression on her face.

''Yeah, I do.'' she answered. ''What happened to my apartment?''

Hotch sighed deeply. ''After you went missing I talked to the landlord and he gave me six months before I had to move all of your stuff.'' he began. ''After six months I rented a storage unit and I put all of your things into it. I wanted to keep everything for when you came back. I didn't feel right to me to throw your stuff away.''

''You took care of my personal belongings? What about my parents?''

Hotch preferred to let the last question go unanswered but he wanted to be honest with JJ. ''I talked to them about moving it to East Allegheny but they wanted nothing to do with it.'' he replied. ''I don't want to talk bad about your parents, JJ. But they failed you and you deserved so much more from them.''

''I just don't understand why they had to give up.''

''I think they were afraid of the truth and they still are, JJ. There's nothing that will ever justify their behavior which is why I am so glad that you're here.'' he started. ''I think you can heal with all of your friends around you. This environment is really different and it's the best place for you to be right know.'' he said in his professional opinion.

''I guess.''

Hotch could see JJ flinch next to him when they turned onto the road that led to the FBI offices. He hoped she was ready for this. She was going to be confronted with her life before the disappearance and everything she used to have. ''Are you sure about this?''

''No, but there will never be a right time for this.'' she answered, trying to keep her breathing calm and steady. She knew it was going to be hard but it was something she had to deal with. The BAU used to be everything she was about. In fact it was still everything she was about. It was her life and always would be.


	29. Chapter 28

A/N: Here's next chapter! I hope you all enjoy!

Special thanks to Westie80, Sophia0665, jenny crum and Twilightangell!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 28: Maybe**

JJ's eyes stayed in front of her as Hotch drove towards the parking lot. Nothing had changed about the building. Everything seemed the same. It suddenly hit her that in the six years that she was gone that people just lived their lives. She didn't expect differently but the thought scared her. She had lost six important years. In those years she could've settled down with someone. Or she could've climbed the ladder of the FBI. So much could've been different. But she didn't want to think about the what ifs. They could only make things harder than they already were.

Hotch stopped the car and turned his attention to JJ. ''We can go back.'' he reassured to let her know that she didn't have to do this. ''No one will blame you, JJ.''

''I want to do this. I need to do this.''

''Let's go then.'' he said, stepping from the car. He walked around to JJ's side to open the door for her but she beat him to it. He suddenly was reminded that working with JJ used to be amazing. She was one of the best and he loved that she grew so quickly. Right now it felt like the old times. As if they were coming back from a case and they needed to catch up on the loads of paperwork.

JJ walked ahead of Hotch as they entered the large building. Even inside nothing had changed. Security seemed to be the same. JJ watched closely as Hotch got them through security. He was in his element. This was the man she fell in love with once. His undying devotion to his job was her main attraction to him. She was the exact same in that department. Her job used be her life. She just never expected that her job would also turn her life upside down.

Hotch saw that JJ's attention was all over the place. He also noticed that she was extremely vigilant and on edge. She had every reason to be but it pained him to see her like that. JJ used to be the carefree girl who did whatever she wanted to do. ''I'm right behind you.'' he assured when he saw that she looked over her shoulder.

JJ stopped in front of the elevator and pushed the familiar button. She stepped backwards so she was standing next to Hotch. ''It feels just like old times.'' she smiled out. ''It's good.''

''I was just thinking the same thing.'' he agreed. ''You look like you're going to work.''

''I'm wearing skinny jeans with a black t-shirt. This wasn't exactly what I used to wear to work, Hotch.''

''I think you look amazing.'' he complimented and he liked that JJ took it the right way.

''Thanks. You look good too.'' she replied. ''I see your taste in suits hasn't changed and that's definitely not a bad thing.''

The elevator doors suddenly opened while JJ and Hotch were still stuck in their conversation. They suddenly heard a cough coming from inside the elevator which caused them both to look up.

Hotch looked into the eyes of the woman who had made his job extremely hard on him. ''Ma'am.'' he said to Strauss as kindly as he possibly could. ''I brought JJ with me.'' he announced when she stepped to his left.

Strauss turned around when she finally recognized the blonde. She knew her BAU team had been on her case. She just didn't expect her to be in the FBI offices. Strauss always figured that JJ was going to make an exceptional agent one day and the loss also affected her in a way she never expected. Strauss turned to JJ and put on her friendly face. ''It's really good to have you back here.'' she said, shaking JJ's hand. ''It wasn't the same without you. I hope I can talk to you about a return to the FBI.''

JJ was shocked by the words that were actually coming out of the older woman's mouth. ''Thank you, Ma'am.'' she said. ''But I have to pass up the job offer. I don't think I'm capable of returning to the FBI any time soon. I have a lot to deal with right now.'' she explained.

''I understand.'' Strauss said when the elevator stopped at the sixth floor.

Hotch put his hand on the small of JJ's back to guide her out of the elevator. ''Goodbye, Ma'am.'' Hotch said nicely.

JJ didn't say her goodbyes. Instead, she walked out of the elevator and to the right where here office used to be. She heard Hotch talking behind her but none of his word registered in her brain.

''That was cold. I really don't like the woman.'' Hotch began. ''I mean, how could she offer you a job? Who does that?'' he rambled on but he stopped when he saw that JJ was standing in front of her old office. He had never seen such a intense stare before. He knew why she was staring like that. It was because nothing had changed.

The first thing she saw was the nameplate on the door. It was her name. Jennifer Jareau was actually on the door. She turned around to Hotch as a tear escaped her eye. She wiped it away before having the courage to talk. ''Is this for real?''

''It is.'' he answered simply.

JJ turned around again and she stopped right in front of the door. She let her fingers slide over her name. It felt utterly weird. Her name was still there but it did mean that no one had forgotten about her after all this time and that meant the world to her. She put her hand on the doorknob and opened the door in one quick motion. Even inside everything was the same except for the stacks of case files that used to be on her desk.

Hotch followed her inside and closed the door behind them. He watched as JJ looked around her. ''Everything is in the same place, JJ.'' he said to answer the question he knew was coming. ''When Anderson replaced you he couldn't take your office. He told me he wasn't a replacement because he realized he never would be. So he called himself a new addition to the team and he took a desk in the bullpen. We never needed your office so we kept it like this.'' he explained. ''I used to come here every morning while you were missing and I would think of all the good and bad memories we experienced here. For me it was a reminder of what I once had and that those memories would be with me for the rest of my life no matter what would happen to you.''

''I can't believe this.'' she cried out. She was touched. She could feel Hotch's love. It was overwhelming and it caused the tears to become worse than before.

''Do you remember what happened here?'' he asked intently.

''Of course I do. It was the first time we slept together.'' she answered. ''I never forgot, Hotch. That night has changed my life forever.''

''Yeah, mine too.'' he said as he took a step towards her.

JJ was with her back against the desk. She realized what he was doing when he put his hands on both sides of the desk. It was the same move he made that night. But this time his expression was even more real. This time she knew his intentions would be real and nothing was standing in his way. But no she had obstacles standing in her way.

She finally put a hand on his chest to stop him from going further. ''We shouldn't do this. It feels wrong.'' she tried to say.

Hotch responded by cupping her face and putting a hand on her waist. ''How is this wrong, JJ? Does it feel wrong to you?''

''No, it doesn't.''

Hotch was leaning forward, their lips almost touching. He could feel the warmth of her breath against his skin. It electrified everything inside of him. ''Do you think it's wrong for us to be together like before?'' he asked. He waited but she didn't answer him. He could see the fear and the doubts in her eyes. But there was also a hint of hope for him. Somewhere he could see the warmth and love. That was what he needed to see. That was the JJ he hoped would come back. Now he just needed an answer to his question.


	30. Chapter 29

A/N: Here's next chapter! I hope everyone likes it! I have to say that I never expected to get this kind of response to this story and I can't thank you all enough.

Special thanks to Sophia0665 (Thank you for the awesome review!), Westie80 (I know I suck. I hope this chapter makes up for it), jenny crum (Thank you for your ongoing support!), tannerose05 (I hope you're still not sorry about reading this), BabyGirl'98xox (Thank you for your review! That was amazing to read!), Bea (You're welcome!) and Twilightangell (Thanks for all of your reviews)!

And a very special thanks to CriminalCrazy for being so amazing and helping me out when I get stuck!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 29: Betrayal**

She never took time to answer his question. Instead she closed the gap and claimed his lips for the most passionate kiss she ever had. And just like all their other kisses this one was wonderful and overwhelming. Their fight for dominance quickly turned into the shedding of clothes as Hotch tried to wrap his mind around the fact what was happening. He expected JJ to pull back but he didn't notice a hint of hesitation. She didn't seem scared or even unwilling. So after he asked if she was sure and she replied with the positive answer, he knew it was happening. And just like all those years ago their joining was magical. But this time there were many different parts as well. It had become an act of reassurance, overwhelming love and the lust and desire was replaced by passion. It wasn't about the sex anymore. For Hotch it was knowing that JJ still loved him and she showed him that. His excitement was taking the best of him and they were pulling away from one another rather quickly. Hotch wished it could have been slower but it was still perfect.

He pulled his pants up and started to buckle his belt. He looked at JJ who was smiling a little. ''Are you alright, JJ? I didn't mean for this to happen.'' he said, hoping she didn't regret any of it.

''I'm fine, Aaron.'' she reassured. ''But we really need to talk about this. I never thought this would happen again. Let alone so shortly after my return.''

''Yeah, you're right. I'm so sorry, JJ.'' he apologized quickly. ''I should've controlled my actions. This was inappropriate. I didn't hurt you, did I?'' he asked with concern filling his voice.

''Aaron, I'm fine. I already told you.'' she assured again.

Hotch had his shirt in his hands and he threw it back on the ground. ''I just love you too much to hurt you in any way, JJ.'' he began. ''As amazing as it was I risked your wellbeing due to my loss of control.''

JJ stepped forward and took his hands in hers. She could see guilt on his face and she didn't want him to feel like that. It wasn't necessary. She was doing fine. ''It was amazing! And I wanted this to happen.'' she started. ''I am the one who initiated the kiss. You shouldn't blame yourself. I wanted this as much as you.''

Hotch put his hands on JJ's waist and he suddenly realized she got dressed really quickly. She was already wearing her bra and jeans. ''God, I hate when I freak out like this.'' he sighed out. ''You shouldn't have to comfort me. It should be the other way around because you've already been through way too much.''

''Aaron, it's fine.''

''Good.''

''You know I care about you, right?'' she asked, knowing she wouldn't be able to say that she loved him too soon. She was still afraid to open up to the full extent.

''I know, JJ. I know.'' he whispered.

He waited for them to get fully dressed before he opened the door. ''Do you want to see the team?''

''Of course.'' she said excitedly, feeling a part of herself returning. She never expected that to happen so quickly. It seemed like a fairytale.

Hotch closed the door once they were both standing outside. He kept his hand on the small of JJ's back as they moved forward towards the bullpen. He saw the nervousness on JJ's face but he knew this could be good for her. It was like she was already turning around in a matter of a second and it felt absolutely wonderful.

Emily and Garcia were in a deep conversation when Emily's mouth suddenly fell open. She ran from the chair and ran towards the bullpen doors. She waited for JJ to come inside the bullpen before she wrapped her arms around the blonde. ''JJ! You're back.''

''Hey, Em.'' JJ said as she returned the hug by putting her arms around the brunette. She looked into the eyes of Hotch and she saw the emotions taking him over. And in that moment she felt a tear rolling down her face. It felt extremely good to be back and it was right.

The next person to join in was Garcia. ''Don't do that without me!'' she called out as she wrapped her arms around both of the girls. '''Boys! Join in!'' she ordered.

In a matter of seconds everyone was involved in the group hug. Only Hotch was standing away from them as he reminded himself to never forget that particular moment. He knew that this was family and by the look on JJ's face she realized it too.

''Spence!'' JJ whispered as she looked at the tall genius. Her eyes flew over to Derek who was standing behind Garcia. ''Hey Derek!''

JJ finally pulled away in order to get a descent breath of air. She noticed Rossi walking on the catwalk as he made his way towards them. ''It's really good to see all of you again.'' she began. ''I hope everyone can forgive me for my choice to go back to East Allegheny.'' she said, looking at Hotch.

''Baby girl, you should never apologize about that. It has been a very difficult situation.'' Derek pointed out. ''It's not your fault.''

''I do think we should celebrate this, JJ.'' Emily suggested.

''We could have dinner at Rossi's mansion!'' Garcia exclaimed happily. ''It's a very pretty house, JJ.''

''I can believe that.'' JJ replied. ''But it's up to Rossi.'' she said when she noticed he was finally standing next to the group.

''There's a ninety-five percent change he will say yes as long as he's allowed to drink and if Garcia promises to not turn his Italian dishes into vegetarian ones.'' Reid rambled on. He stopped for a moment and turned to JJ. ''It's good to have you back.''

''Thanks, Spence.'' JJ said softly.

''Why don't you all start the arrangements?'' Hotch asked. ''We have no new cases and the consults can wait another day. So everyone can go home and have the day off.'' he said happily as all their faces lit up.

''I guess that's a yes.'' JJ said when everyone immediately said their goodbyes. JJ turned to Hotch and she noticed the happiness in his eyes. ''You didn't tell me that Derek was back as well.''

''Well, he isn't working here officially because he claims that the New-York field office doesn't need him so he wanted to help out here.'' Hotch began. ''But I already offered him a job since Blake is leaving us soon. Her husband is moving and she decided to go with him.''

''It's like the old days.'' JJ added as she suddenly noticed a case file with the name of Steven Hicks on it. ''Looks like you got quite a file on him. How close are you to arresting him?''

Hotch took JJ's hand and he pulled her with him to his office. He sat down on the couch next to JJ. ''JJ, I'll let you know when we have something on Hicks. I promise you.'' he said, knowing they were getting closer to arresting him. But he didn't want to put JJ on edge because everything was falling into place. ''We have nothing on him right now. The file is just filled with his history. There isn't anything else.''

JJ immediately believed him and she decided to let it rest. She crawled against Hotch's side as she looked around his office. Even there nothing had changed. Everything was in the same place. ''It's still the same.''

Hotch was about to speak when his cell started ringing. He looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Haley. ''I need to take this, JJ. It's probably about Jack.'' he explained.

''Of course. Go ahead.'' she said. She watched as he disappeared into the bullpen. She told herself to stay on the couch but she suddenly noticed the case file she had seen earlier and her curiosity got the best of her. She immediately felt chills going down her spine when she noticed the name ''Steven Hicks''. It was the name that haunted her day and night no matter what she did. He was the one person who took everything away from her. He ripped away her life and everything in it. JJ carefully opened the file to a page with personal details about him. She skipped to the next page where she saw a list of all the properties he owned. He could see that they were no good leads because someone scratched out the addresses. When she skipped to another page, she felt her heart sink. There was one name that she instantly recognized. It was a name that Hicks had mentioned multiple times and she suddenly realized she might know where he was. That thought caused her to storm out of the office. She ran through the bullpen as quickly as she could. Luckily, she didn't see Hotch before she ran out. She didn't want an explanation from him. He had obviously been lying about Hicks. They had tons of information on him and he just lied to her about it. She wasn't going to tell Hotch where she was going. This was what she needed to do. And in that moment revenge was the only thing that kept her going.


	31. Chapter 30

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Westie80, Sophia0665, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, jenny crum and Twilightangell!

And a huge amount of thanks to CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 30: Endgame**

Hotch answered his phone when he reached the hallway. He was standing around the corner where people could barely see him. He didn't want to have this conversation in front of JJ. So he decided to call in a place where it was calm.

''Hey, Haley.'' Hotch greeted as he put the phone to his ear. ''What's going on?''

''_Hi, Aaron.'' _Haley greeted impatiently. _''Look, I get that you want to take care of JJ but I can't take care of Jack for the rest of the week. I have to work, Aaron.''_

''I know, Haley. But this situation isn't easy. I can't just tell JJ to leave.''

''_He's your son.''_

''You don't have to tell me that. I love him and you know that. Jack is my entire world, Haley.'' he began. ''I know this is hard and I will try to make some time so he can come over. How does that sound?''

''_I was hoping that you could take him the day after tomorrow because Ty and I want to go away for a couple of days.''_

''Don't say his name. I can't hear his name.'' Hotch said angrily. Hearing that name made him cringe. He never talked about the true reason why his marriage fell apart and why he started a relationship with JJ. He didn't want his ego to be bruised but keeping the secret that his wife had an affair long before he ever did was painful. ''I'll check with Emily or Penelope if they can do something with JJ.''

''_I'm sorry, Aaron. I didn't mean to upset you.'' _Haley started. _''I know things between us are very difficult right now but I hope everything can be talked about one day.''_

''It's actually pretty easy. I gave you a chance when I found out about the affair. I was willing to give you another shot but you blew it.'' he replied angrily. ''And when you found out about me and JJ, you acted as if I was the one who ruined our relationship.''

''_You're right. I opened the floodgates.'' _she admitted openly. _''I'll call you tomorrow. Take care, Aaron.''_

''Yeah, you too.'' he said before the line went dead. He felt angry but the thought of JJ waiting in his office made him happy. He had someone in his life who he loved. And JJ was always going to be more than enough for him.

Hotch put his phone in his pocket as he made his way back to his office. He noticed that the door was wide open. When he walked in he didn't see JJ anywhere. But the open file on his desk immediately caught his attention. She knew he lied. They had more leads on Steven Hicks than he had been willing to let on. He didn't want JJ to worry about the investigation. He thought she needed to focus on her recovery. But he failed. She had seen the file. Hotch immediately pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed JJ's number. It went straight to voicemail. The panic went through his body when he realized that she probably knew where Hicks was. And the JJ he knew wouldn't just let him get away with what he did to her. This could be the end.

JJ had been driving seven hours straight before she finally reached her destination. Her body was filled with nerves but hate was the thing that took over every time she felt the nerves take her over. She knew she had to do this. He was the one thing that stood in her way of living her life. She needed to hurt him or confront him. She didn't know what she would do if she would actually see him again.

JJ parked the car in front an abandoned building. She knew it was right the address but it didn't look right. Hicks always described it differently. But it had to be it. She could feel it in her guts. So she pulled the gun from her bag and put it on her back and used her shirt to cover it. She looked at her phone one more time. She didn't want to turn it on. She knew she would have dozens of missed called and text messages from the team, saying they were worried about her. It was too late for her to be stopped.

JJ stepped from the car quickly and ran towards the building. She knew she could never win a fair fight because she wasn't physically fit. She didn't know if she could ever return to who she was once was, mentally and physically.

She made it to the door, trying to open it but it was locked. So she ran to the side where an old window was open. JJ climbed through the window. She ended up in a dirty and dusty room and it reminded her of the cell she lived in for six years. She reminded herself about the situation she was in. She couldn't think about anything else. She needed to search the entire house. But the sound of laugh sent shivers down her spine. It was the familiar laugh of the very man who ripped her life apart. JJ silently opened the door and saw a long hallway. She made her way to the left, knowing the sound came from there. She turned around a corner and then she saw him sitting in a chair with his back towards her. She felt like shooting him in that exact same spot. But she waited. It was too soon to take action.

''Hello Steven!'' JJ called out, her voice filled with hatred. She had the gun pointed at him when he turned around.

Steven knew that voice. He turned around to see JJ standing behind him with a gun. It didn't scare him. He knew she didn't have the guts to shoot him. She didn't have it in her. That was something he learned about her. ''Did you miss me, Jennifer?''

JJ walked towards him and pushed him to the ground. She slammed the gun in his face with every ounce of power she had. He collided with the floor and she took a step back. ''Shut up!'' she snapped. ''I am the one with the gun. The situation is reversed this time!''

''Do you really believe that, sweetie?''

''Don't call me that!'' JJ yelled as she pushed the gun against his head. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were hazy. She didn't know what to do. Everything inside her told her to just end his life. But a small part of her knew it wasn't right. ''You took my life and turned it into a nightmare! You took away my freedom!''

''So kill me!'' he dared. ''Kill me!''

''No!'' she screamed. ''No!''

''You'll never beat me! You belong to me.'' Steven said with a smirk. ''I created you.''

JJ drew back the gun and slammed it against his head once more. ''Don't!''

''I made you, Jennifer.'' he said. ''But I never thought you would've gone this far. Just kill me!''

''I hate you! You son of a bitch!'' she cried out, trying to keep control. ''You didn't make me.''

''You're going to kill me and when you do I will be the one who made you a killer.'' he whispered. ''You'll never get rid of me.''

JJ suddenly heard the door open. She immediately looked into the eyes of Hotch. She had no idea how he found her.

''JJ, don't!'' Hotch said when he saw JJ with the gun against Hicks' head. ''Don't do this.''

''Go away, Aaron. You shouldn't see what I am about do to!''

''You won't do this. You're not a killer.''

''I am now.''

Hotch shook his head as he slowly began to approach her. ''No, you're not.'' he began. ''The girl I knew six years ago wouldn't become a killer no matter what happened to her. You're better than him, JJ. You're good! Don't sink to his level!'' he added. ''Please!'' Hotch begged, but the look in JJ's eyes scared him and he no longer knew what she was capable of.


	32. Chapter 31

A/N: After this chapter it might seem like the end, but I promise you that this isn't the end to the story.

Special thanks to Westie80, Twilightangell, Sophia0665, AWChic and jenny crum!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 31: Don't wait**

Hotch could see that JJ was shaking. Fear and horror had replaced the joy he had seen earlier and he couldn't help but feel guilty about the entire situation. He was mentally kicking himself. ''JJ, I need you to put the gun down!'' Hotch ordered, his voice soft and tender. He didn't want to scare her.

JJ didn't know what to do. Her heart was torn. Revenge seemed like the right thing. She thought it would set her free. ''I can't. I can't.'' she cried out, her chest heaving from the panic.

''Just kill me! Get it over with.'' Steven dared. ''You can do it. Show the big man over there what you're truly capable of.''

JJ pushed the gun against his head again. She was one movement away from pulling the trigger and she wondered what was stopping her. ''I hate you!''

''Don't look at him, JJ. Look at me.'' Hotch whispered. ''He doesn't deserve a moment of your time. He never did. Don't give him the satisfaction now.''

''You can't do this, JJ!'' Hotch went on. ''This isn't you. If you kill him he will get off easy. He deserves to go to prison. Justice needs to be serves. But if you pull that trigger you're the one going to prison.'' he said. ''And taking a life will tear you apart.''

''I have nothing left to live for. Nothing.'' she cried out.

''That's not true, JJ. You have me. You have the team. You're not alone and you never will be. You know that.'' he contradicted. ''This isn't the solution to your problem.''

Hotch took a step forward. ''You have me.'' he whispered, taking another step forward. ''I'm here for you. I always will be.''

''It's not enough.''

''Yes, it is.'' Hotch contradicted affectionately, noticing that she starting to focus on him instead of Hicks. ''Put the gun down for me, JJ. Do it for me.''

''Why?''

''Because I love you.'' he said lovingly. ''I love you JJ and I can't lose you. Not to him. If you make this choice I'll lose you forever and I can't stand that.''

JJ was lowering the gun when Hotch saw that Hicks was starting to move. ''Stay where you are!'' Hotch warned.

''Kill me, little girl!'' he smirked. ''You know you won't get rid of me until I am dead. It's your only option.''

JJ felt the cold metal in her hand and she finally realized what she had been doing. It wasn't her. She couldn't become another killer. Not ever. She wasn't a bad person like the man in front of her. ''I already have.'' she whispered, dropping the gun to the floor.

Hotch was glad that she gave in but he saw that Hicks leaped forward to take the gun. Hotch immediately drew his own gun and pushed JJ behind him. ''Drop it, Hicks!'' he ordered. ''Drop it now!''

''Kill me!''

''Don't make me!'' Hotch yelled with authority. ''Because I can do it if the circumstances force me to make the decision.''

JJ was shaking as she stood behind Hotch. She knew Hotch would kill him if it came down to it. But she didn't want him to do it for her. ''Aaron, don't do it.'' JJ whispered. She was about to say another word when the doors suddenly opened and the team came rushing inside. JJ felt the shock hit her instantly but when she saw the familiar faces, she felt safer again.

''FBI! Drop the gun now!'' Morgan yelled as he stood next to Hotch. Luckily Hotch had called the team when he realized where JJ was going by tracking the GPS on the FBI issued vehicle.

As the standoff went on, Emily ran towards JJ and dragged her out of the building. She stopped once they reached the cars and she turned to her to check if she wasn't hurt. ''JJ, are you alright?''

Everything around JJ was a haze. She could barely hear Emily's voice as she registered what was happening. Steven Hicks was finally caught. He was going to prison without a doubt. ''I'm good.'' she whispered.

''What were you thinking?'' Emily asked.

''I don't know, Emily.'' JJ replied in annoyance. ''And I am not about to justify my decisions to you. I'm sorry but that's just how I feel.''

Emily watched in surprise as JJ disappeared into one of the SUV's without saying another word. She was about to head back inside when she saw the team coming outside with an arrested Steven Hicks.

''Where's JJ?'' Hotch asked as he rushed to Emily when he didn't see JJ.

''She's in the car.''

''Good,'' he sighed out.

Morgan joined in. ''We'll take him back to Quantico. I'll call the DA so they can finally file charges against him.'' he announced.

''Thanks, Derek.'' Hotch said before Morgan went back to one of the cars.

''I'll take JJ home. I'll see you all tomorrow.'' Hotch said before he made his way back to his car. He saw JJ sitting in the back and he decided to let her be for the moment. It had been a rough couple of hours and he wanted to give her some privacy.

* * *

The ride home was filled with silence and Hotch was wondering how JJ was feeling. But no word had come from her side so he thought it would be best to leave her alone. Once they reached his apartment they went back inside. Hotch went into the kitchen to get something to drink as JJ went back to her room.

JJ immediately grabbed a bag and started to pack her stuff. She knew what she needed to do. She needed to get better before she could start a real life with Hotch and she knew he deserved better than her at the moment. So she was leaving. Again. But it felt like the right thing to do for everyone who was involved.

JJ stepped into the living room with her packed bag and she spotted Hotch sitting on the couch with a bottle of water. He looked exhausted and she knew it was because of her. ''Aaron.'' she called out softly. He turned around and looked at her with astonishment. ''We need to talk.''

He quickly rose from the couch and stepped in front of her while his eyes stayed on her packed bag. ''What is this?'' he croaked out.

JJ leaned forward and kissed him passionately. She felt him deepen the kiss and she got lost in his touch. Their kiss was heated and filled with desire. She pulled away to catch her breath. ''What happened between us was absolutely amazing and I don't regret it. I never will but…'' she stumbled and she at a loss of words.

''But?''

She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. ''Every time someone asks me how I am, I respond by saying that everything is fine. But when I turn around I realize that everything is wrong, Aaron.''

''You'll get better with time.''

JJ shook her head. ''I can't ask you to do this for me. You have Jack and your job. I'm not going to take that away from you.''

''You're it, JJ.'' he said with pain in his voice. ''You've always been.''

''Aaron, please don't!'' she begged as a tear finally escaped her eye.

Hotch took another step forward to close the distance. He knew exactly what she was doing. She was ending things. She was saying goodbye. ''This is it, isn't it?''

''I love you, Aaron!'' she croaked out, barely holding on to her emotions. ''You've always been my best friend and you deserve the best in life.'' she cried out. ''But I can't give you that. I can't give you what you deserve and what you need.''

''We can try, JJ.'' he said sadly. ''We can try.''

''I can't change who I am.'' she began. ''You deserve the best and that's not me. Maybe in a few years I'll be ready but right now I am not.''

''If this is the end, we can't go back from this.'' he whispered as he cupped her face gently and pulled her closer. He held her tightly, trying to remember the feeling of having her in his arms.

''Just don't wait for me.'' she whispered before she pulled away. She took the bag from the ground and walked towards him once more and leaned in for a kiss. ''Don't wait for me.''

''I can't say that.'' he said as he let go of her. She disappeared from his apartment and he had no idea when he would ever see her again.

As JJ walked away from the love of her life, she knew it was the right choice. She was staying true to who she was. She couldn't ask him to give up his life for her. She never would.


	33. Chapter 32

A/N: It has been a long time since I updated this story. I hope this chapter makes up for it. I think this story is coming to and really soon.

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Twilightangell, Westie80, jenny crum, Katia XD, Christiangirl and Casie01!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 32: Passing years**

**Hotch's pov**

**Three years later…**

Just like the last time days, weeks, months and years passed by and I never saw JJ again. But this time it was very different. I knew she was alive. I knew she was no longer in the hands of a man who tore the humanity away from her. That thought gave me some sort of peace. But there would always be a part of me that would never rest without her in my arms. So I kept hope of her return just like I did in the six years she was gone. I am imagined her with me every single step of the way. My heart ached to feel her touch again and to never let go of her. I always felt like a piece was missing without JJ in my life. She filled a void and I had to live without it two times in a row. I know I shouldn't have felt sad for myself but it's the hardest thing to say goodbye to the one you love, not knowing when they are coming back. I didn't even know if she was ever coming back. I knew nothing about her life in those three years and I feared every single day that I never would. But I kept hope. Just like before it was the one thing that kept me going through all the ups and downs in my life.

Luckily, this time the team was able to stick together and we all became closer than ever before. We shared almost every single minute together and the minutes I didn't spent with them were with my son. Jack grew up quickly and he was able to take away some of my pain. He often wondered why I was never with another woman but I told him I was waiting for the one I loved. Jack had many questions about JJ and what she truly meant to me. I never went into detail about the affair she and I had during my marriage with Haley. But I told him that sometimes you can love a person very much but you don't love him in a special way. I said I loved JJ in a very special way and that was my reason for waiting for her. Jack often imagined that JJ was princess and that I was her prince. He thought it was a fairytale. There were so many times I wished Jack could meet her. JJ only saw Jack once when he was a baby and that was the only time. Apart from JJ, Jack has always been the most important thing in my life. He's a part of me and JJ never knew that side of me. She never got the chance. I kept hope that one she might meet him and I immediately think about a brother or sister for Jack in those moments. I've always known I am dreaming in those moments but it's still what I want.

The team missed JJ as much as me. It was one of those things we went through together and I was happy that we stuck together this time. A lot changed in all of our lives but their love for JJ never stopped to exist. I noticed Emily still carried her sense of responsibility with her, even though I tried to explain to her that it was never her fault. But her relationship with Derek was back to the way it used to be and I know that was important to Emily. She never wanted anyone to blame her because she blamed herself more than enough. I do believe that time healed her pain and she slowly learned she had no control over the situation regarding her best friend. Reid never really talked about JJ, but I knew he struggled with questions. Reid was the one who mourned on the inside during this hard time. Derek on the other hand made his anger very clear. He often wondered why JJ left without saying goodbye to them. He was the only one who expressed his anger and sometimes I had the urge to punch him in the face but it was his way of dealing. I knew JJ was like a little sister to him.

But Derek wasn't the only one who wondered why JJ left. I always wondered why JJ made the choice to walk away. Hundreds of theories have gone through my head and I've never come up with the right one. Maybe she thought she was being selfless by walking away. She probably thought she was doing me a favor but that's not true. She's the one person in this lifetime I need the most. It's like I can't breathe without her and I need to see her in order to stay alive.

JJ asked me to not wait for her. But I decided to wait for her even if she was never coming back. In those three years I didn't look at another woman because I knew JJ was my one and only and no set of circumstances could ever change that. My love for her never ceased to exist nor would I let it. It lived forward in the memories I had of us together. But also because she owned a piece of my heart. Nothing would ever change that because even though we were never in real relationship, I knew our time together was as real as anything could ever get. I felt her love from her kisses and they way she looked at me every single time. It was real and it still is for me.

Right now I don't where she is or what she's doing. But wherever she is or with whomever she is, I only want her to be happy. Saying that out loud scares me actually. I am afraid. Afraid that she moved on with someone else. Someone who could take away her pain in ways I was never capable off. But if that's true it means she found the right person and that she's happy. I would never take away her happiness. Even at the cost of my own.

In the past three years I've been sticking by the theory_: __If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were._ I let JJ go. I didn't stop her from going. I tried but I couldn't, knowing I shouldn't stand in the way of what she wanted. She had gone through so much horror and tragedy to be asked to do something she didn't want to do. I decided to respect her decision and I have to live with it. And her decision still hurts me every single day. I can honestly say that. But what kind of man would I have been to keep here against her wishes?

After three years I never expected her return. It seemed like centuries ago since I last saw her. I thought she was living a happy new life and that she wasn't coming back to her old life that reminded her of the pain she was put through. I would never blame her for not coming back. But I was wrong about that because then there was the knock on my door. The life changing knock on my door…


	34. Chapter 33

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I've been going back and forth when I needed to decide how and when to end this story. So there's one more chapter left after this one.

Special thanks to kiki3142, Kikki Kapoor, Christiangirl and Twilightangell!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 33: Future promises**

And the knock was life changing for Hotch. He didn't just open the door because he had a delivery. No. This time it was the knock he had waited three years for. It was the knock that would renew his faith in humanity and love. So he opened the door without hesitation, not knowing who was on the other side. His eyes were on the floor when he opened the door. His eyes traveled along the long bare legs. And then his eyes fell on her face. There she was. She was standing in front of him in the flesh. It wasn't a dream or a nightmare in which she would suddenly disappear. She looked absolutely gorgeous but that wasn't the only thing that touched him. She looked like herself. She was smiling widely and her face was filled with indescribable happiness. In that moment he saw the old JJ. The girl he fell in love with and who showed him joy and passion. The girl who enriched his life with her presence. The girl who showed him what true love really was and she made it unforgettable.

JJ's heart was racing as she finally made contact with his eyes. He looked great. He hadn't changed a bit. She had to stop herself from throwing herself in his arms. She had missed him every single day. But three years earlier she made the best choice by leaving. She choose the best way to recover from her trauma. She still lived with her past but she just learned to deal with it.

Hotch was still speechless while they were both frozen in their spots. It was as if they had never met and they were blown away by each other's looks. But that wasn't the case. He was happy about that though. He couldn't think about never having known JJ. His life would've been radically different in negative ways. ''JJ!'' he whispered, knowing it was the only thing he could possibly say.

''Hi!'' she greeted simply, her voice filled with all the love she felt for him. But as she felt him looking at her the tears fell down her face. She had waited so long for this and the moment had finally come. She was ready to let him catch her. ''I missed you!'' she cried out as she threw herself in his embrace.

Hotch immediately held her tightly. The feeling was nothing out of the ordinary. It was like no time had passed and they were just hugging. But it felt so good. In that moment he didn't know if there would ever be better moments in his entire existence. ''I'm glad you're back.'' he whispered into her hair, hearing her cry into his shirt. He didn't care. She could stain all his shirts if she needed to because he would never take those kinds of moments for granted. ''I missed you so much!'' he said as his own tears were falling down his face. But they were tears of happiness. The hurt of waiting finally disappeared into thin air and he could only focus on the woman in his arms.

''Where the hell have you been?'' he asked.

JJ pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. Hotch stepped aside to let her in and she took the invitation. She walked towards the couch and sat down next to Hotch. He left a small amount of distance between them. ''I went to Florida.'' she began. ''I found a program for victims of sexual abuse and they're also specialized in PTSD.'' she went on. ''I went through extensive therapy and treatment for twenty months. It took me a long time before I started to see what I had really been through. Denial was my worst enemy and my therapist knocked it out of me but even then it took months before my recovery was noticeable.'' she explained. ''I left Florida after two years. I knew the program worked for me and I decided to live out in the real world again.''

Hotch was happy to hear that JJ had been in therapy. It was what her trauma required. If she stayed with him, he would've done the same thing. He was just happy to hear that JJ realized that all on her own. ''Where have you been this past year?''

''I stayed with Jason Holmes.'' she said, hoping he wasn't going to be mad at her. But Jason had become a great friend and she knew he was someone she could rely on. ''I just showed up at his doorstep and he offered me his guest room so I stayed there for the past year.'' she went on. She didn't notice any hint of jealousy or anger in his eyes. She could only see relief and extreme joy. ''I got a job and I started to live again. Like I used to.''

Hotch took her hand in his. ''I'm so happy to hear that you're alright.'' he started. ''You look so good, JJ. You look amazing.'' he gushed. ''Like the old you!''

''Thank you.'' she said as she moved closer towards him. She cupped his face and she leaned in to kiss him. He responded when their lips touched in the softest way possible. JJ wanted to pull back but his kiss pulled her back in for more. It still felt as amazing as it used to be. But this time it was even better. This time it was for real and they both knew it. This kiss was only a small example of what the future would be like for them.

Hotch pulled away to catch his breath. ''God, I missed you.''

''I missed you to.'' she cried out in happiness. ''I thought about you every day. The thought of being with you kept me going throughout the last three years, Aaron. You've always been my rock and this time it's for forever because I am never leaving you again.''

''I won't even let you!'' he smiled. ''There's no chance of it because I love you, Jennifer Jareau. I'll always love you no matter where you are of who you're with.''

''I love you too.'' she whispered as she crawled against his side. ''It seems like no time has passed since we sat on a couch like this.''

''I know, but it has been nine years since I've seen you like this, JJ. I just can't wait to start the rest of our lives together.'' he said. ''I hope you feel the same because you'll never get rid of me.''

JJ laughed at his words. ''Good. Where do you want to start?''

''Do you want to meet Jack?'' he asked excitedly, seeing the same feeling in her eyes.

''I would love to. That would be amazing!''

Hotch gave her a quick kiss on the lips. ''You do have to behave like a princess because he thinks you're one and that I'm your prince.''

''Oh, that's the cutest thing I've ever heard, Aaron.'' she said happily as she already imagined meeting his son. It was something she had wanted for so long but she was never ready. But now she finally was. ''I also can't wait to surprise the team!''

He immediately rose from the couch and grabbed JJ's hand, pulling her up from the couch. ''They will be so happy, JJ. They missed you like crazy.''

''Where are we going?'' she asked happily.

''We're going to make up for lost time.'' he beamed as they left his apartment and walked into the future together. At that point their path was unknown but they both knew they would be happy as long as they had each other. Nothing would ever tear them apart because they had already gone through the worst and that was just a testament to the eternity of their love.


End file.
